clearing my schedule

eli fountain 2 eli fountain
[taken with film in California]

i’m trying to be okay if i don’t get a post done every day [or on time every day]
or don’t get my emails answered the minute they arrive in my inbox.

part of prioritizing my life and lowering the bar includes putting real life first.
blogging and all that comes with it sometimes makes me feel like i have this big weight on my shoulders.
like i am expected to do all these things that really have no point in the long run.
i hate feeling that way.
i hate feeling like lots of people rely upon me and i’ll let them down if i don’t email right away or post a picture from my week. it’s just a lot of pressure.
it’s kind of ridiculous really. it’s dumb that i let myself stress out for a “priority” that just started out for fun.
almost every day i think about quitting completely.

but i’m trying to tell myself that even if people do get frustrated, i should to not let it bother me.
i know what i’m doing is right for me & my family and that’s all that matters.

but sometimes i do feel guilty.
right now, i really want to apologize for not having a post for yesterday,
but then i think if i apologize it suggests that i’m at fault of something.
and taking care of my family shouldn’t be a fault.

so instead, i’m sorry if i disappointed you.
but i’m proud that i had a day where i didn’t worry about posts and pictures and emails and i could get real things done.

maybe not having posts every day or posting on time is a turn off for people.
and that’s okay if it is.
but in order for me to truly simplify my life, i also need to simplify my blog.
all the stress and pressure that i have been feeling has completely taken away the joy i used to get from sharing my story. and i miss it.
i miss feeling the excitement when i had something new to share
and the confidence i felt when i wrote something that was close to my heart.
i don’t get that very often because i feel pressure to do or be something else. and that something else turns out to be a lot more things that takes too.much.time.
because that’s how you play the game.

so, i’m kind of over it.
i don’t want my space to be like that.
and i feel really good that decision.

 

 

[i kind of feel like this post didn’t make a lot of sense since i was writing it quickly in between tantrums. but i think i got my point across okay…? :)]

10 comments:

Noelani said...

I could not agree more with this post. I recently decided to go back to basics and blog for ME. It's hard to not consumed by the blogging community.

Erin said...

Great post girl...it is so easy to start putting all this pressure on yourself that you have to do it all...do it often...and on time. We all started blogging as a hobby. I think we so often forget that. I totally fall into this trap and need to take a step back sometimes. Thanks for the reminder :)

Ashley from Sloanbook said...

I feel the same way! I'm stopping all sponsorships and saying no to them in march! Then it will be all mine again & I can do what I want! Good luck deciding what to do!!!

Meredith said...

Word. I never never never want to look back and not remember a phase of B's life. Especially because I was too busy sitting on the computer to pay attention. Balance is the key. Plus, I always think, "Not one bad thing would happen if my whole blog just disappeared. It's not real. My family is. My life is. That's where my energy belongs. "

Mary Kate said...

YES!!!! SOOO great to hear! I struggle with leaving emails un answered for even a few hours! It's so frustrating. Actually - I was just thinking how I need to respond to your email you sent a bit ago (i just got home and read it!) but now I think you'll understand if I go hang out with my husband instead! Thanks for inspiring to have simplicity!! I'm still good for tomorrow and I want to encourage you too, so I'll email you in the morning! :) ANd feel free not to email me either tonight - REST and RELAX with your hubby! We'll get it done....even if it means we put up the post late! hahahaha That would be a good example of simplicity..hahah right? Anyway - thanks for your encouraging post!! Now I'm gonna go snuggle with my man! :) BE BLESSED FRIEND!!!

Vivian said...

You are not on this alone. The good thing about the blogging world is the genuine support from fellow bloggers. Whatever your decision may be, know I'm there for you. Know too that you have an inspiring blog that touches lives.

Cassie @ Live.Laugh.L0ve. said...

Girl I completely understand. Lately, blogging has been put on the back burner. Literally, e-mails that I used to respond to so fast, I'm not getting too as often, I have 400+ blog posts to read & I'll never catch up on facebook & twitter status. But your are completely right, it is OKAY because family does come first! xoxoxoxo

Hollie Ann said...

Girl if you don't post one day you dont. Your blog won't suffer, promise! I feel that way too sometimes. Honestly I've stopped answering email comments except two days a week unless it's a direct question or for advice! People understand & it's taken a lot of the "work" out of it. Your a great writer, blogger & that won't change if you take a step back for awhile. Whether that be a blogcation or less posts. We will be here :)

Hollie Ann said...

You're**

Mel said...

a couple of my favorite blogs only update about twice a month or even less. I really think quality is more important then quantity. If you feel pressured about the whole thing, then it will show in your posts and it won't be that enjoyable for your readers anymore either.
I don't think anybody really gets disappointed when there is no update every day....or?...I actually never thought about that ^^

I'm totally fine with you taking a break when you need it. Sometimes it's just necessary to get you energy levels up....at least that's the case with me :)