i’m trying to be okay if i don’t get a post done every day [or on time every day]
or don’t get my emails answered the minute they arrive in my inbox.
part of prioritizing my life and lowering the bar includes putting real life first.
blogging and all that comes with it sometimes makes me feel like i have this big weight on my shoulders.
like i am expected to do all these things that really have no point in the long run.
i hate feeling that way.
i hate feeling like lots of people rely upon me and i’ll let them down if i don’t email right away or post a picture from my week. it’s just a lot of pressure.
it’s kind of ridiculous really. it’s dumb that i let myself stress out for a “priority” that just started out for fun.
almost every day i think about quitting completely.
but i’m trying to tell myself that even if people do get frustrated, i should to not let it bother me.
i know what i’m doing is right for me & my family and that’s all that matters.
but sometimes i do feel guilty.
right now, i really want to apologize for not having a post for yesterday,
but then i think if i apologize it suggests that i’m at fault of something.
and taking care of my family shouldn’t be a fault.
so instead, i’m sorry if i disappointed you.
but i’m proud that i had a day where i didn’t worry about posts and pictures and emails and i could get real things done.
maybe not having posts every day or posting on time is a turn off for people.
and that’s okay if it is.
but in order for me to truly simplify my life, i also need to simplify my blog.
all the stress and pressure that i have been feeling has completely taken away the joy i used to get from sharing my story. and i miss it.
i miss feeling the excitement when i had something new to share
and the confidence i felt when i wrote something that was close to my heart.
i don’t get that very often because i feel pressure to do or be something else. and that something else turns out to be a lot more things that takes too.much.time.
because that’s how you play the game.
so, i’m kind of over it.
i don’t want my space to be like that.
and i feel really good that decision.
[i kind of feel like this post didn’t make a lot of sense since i was writing it quickly in between tantrums. but i think i got my point across okay…? :)]