a thank you letter

while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!

  i’m so grateful i got to meet Dani from This WorkmanLife and even more grateful for her sweet guest post. i had very similar feelings when i first had my son and felt like nothing was going right, like everyone else’s babies seemed to be sleeping/eating/rolling/crawling/etc. better than mine.
but after finding this great blogging community and meeting some wonderful woman i finally felt like i wasn’t alone and i wasn’t a bad mother.

in a lot of ways i feel like meeting these other mommy bloggers quite literally saved me from myself.
i was so emotional and such a wreck before i started blogging.
but after reading other people’s stories and writing my own i am able to be in a better place.

i cannot thank those who have reached out to me to help me enough.
i want to add my gratitude to Dani’s and thank everyone for your friendship & love!

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Hey there! My name is Dani and I blog over at This WorkmanLife. I am married to Bubba and we have a little dude who is six months old. Today, I wanted to share with you an experience that changed my life as a new mommy and share a very big thank you to all of you!

I was past the point of exhausted as I cradled a baby, only a few weeks old in my arms. He hiccupped loudly, as he always did and fussed as he fought sleep. I wanted to cry, but I shushed him and rocked him in my computer chair, as it was the only chair in our tiny apartment that allowed me to get up and out without help of my husband. As soon as the baby was asleep I sat back down and stared blankly at the wall. I had a million thoughts and even more regrets.

I felt angry that I wasn’t able to breastfeed my baby because he wouldn’t latch on. I was even more angry that I couldn’t produce nearly enough milk to even fill half a bottle. I had been prescribed medications, drank so much IBC rootbeer (for yeast) that I was ill and nothing worked. As I started to cry, my husband encouraged me to check my “mommy blogs” and read a little. He was hoping that distracting me from the hormones, the stress and the exhaustion would help me feel better.

That is when I came across a mommy blog that I was brand new to following. She was writing to new mommies about how terrifying it is to be a new mom. About how, if the body parts don’t want to work, that isn’t your fault, about how all newborns struggle with sleeping cycles, about how moms lie to one another about how perfect their new babies are and how they’re not as okay as they tell everyone else they are.  I cried, but for the first time ever, it was a happy cry. Here was someone I could relate to.

As time went on I came to discover new mommy blogs during naptimes and they said similar, if not the same thing. As my baby gets older, I get better at being a mom and as we all are learning, I’ve come to learn something that’s changed my experience as a mom.

Since then I’ve been on a personal mission to write things that other moms want to know. Recipes that are easy to do (and I do blog the ones that DON’T work out as well!), things I am learning from our experiences as a family, and my favorite is to write about our adventures. There are things I’ve learned to do or not do thanks to mommy blogging. There are times that other mommies blog about things that make me feel better about being a mom, because I’ve done it too.

If you’re a mommy blogger, I want to thank you. For being there and blogging about something important for me when I needed it, for answering e-mails and being a friend. Mommy blogging is real. It is honest. It is fun, and if you’re a mommy blogger, you need to know, you’ve helped change my life.

there is power in the female conversation

while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!

this post by Rachel from Chasing Kite Tails brought tears to my eyes.
first, she was way way too kind and i was just blown away by that.
but second, she humbled me so much, reminded me why i started blogging in the first place.

as life has gotten busy, the move has taken up most of the empty spaces in my brain, and everything seems to be changing around me, i have noticed a shift in how i used to blog.
maybe you have noticed it too.
maybe it’s not a good shift.
and maybe it’s even turned people away.

while i’m taking this break to move, i’m also glad to take some time to remember what i really want for my blog, what big dreams i had in the beginning when i started a year ago.
Rachel’s post help reiterate to me that this beautiful blogging community has so much good, positive power in it if we learn how to reach out to others and connect with one another.
i am so so grateful for her sweet, yet powerful reminder of what this whole thing is about.
i hope you all feel as inspired as i did and helps you in your own blogging endeavors!
[and really your life in general :)]

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I am sitting at an empty table in a room full of 650 women. Everyone has stood up to leave, lunch is over and it is time to move onto our next workshop. But I cannot move. Instead of rising to my feet, I sit still at my empty table, looking at all of the half-full and half-empty glasses of sweet tea (this is my first time in North Carolina; I'm a New York girl, I'm used to drinking water with lunch, not sweet tea!).

There are about 8 glasses left on the table. But it's not just glasses that I see left over. It's impressions of fingerprints on the glasses that I see left over. And that catches my attention.

You see, all of us women came here with dreams and passions and desires. And with those dreams and passions came blogs and books and women with hopes of speaking. We are all women with a mission to get out our "message." And so, to effectively get our message out and into the world, we all came here to this She Speaks Conference to learn how to grow our platforms and fine tune our blogs. We came to learn how to gain readers and how to get our "messages" clear and concise with tips from editors, professional marketers, design teams...but in the midst of all of this learning about growing and maximizing...I came to the realization that I have been going about the growth of my blog with the wrong motives and the wrong means.

Lysa Terkeurst, one of the speakers here at this She Speaks Conference, was speaking on the topic of maximizing blogging and speaker platforms. Yet in the midst of all of her (VERY) practical and AMAZING advice and insight, she said this one thing that just convicted the little old Blogger heart right out of me. 

"There is power in the female conversation," she said, teaching us about the importance of straying away from bombarding our readers (and fellow bloggers) with advertisements and self-promotion. Instead, she emphasized the importance of relationship between women. Actual conversation taking place between blogger + blogger and blogger + reader; the swapping and sharing of testimonies. Chatting about how a blog (or book, or song, or sermon, or Jesus!) changed your life and why and how it reached so deep into your heart. Rather than obsessing with just collecting blogs and people and organizations as potential people who will help market your blog (message...business...etc...) and help boost your platform, we should be cultivating friendships. Stories. Actual, real-life relationships.

Right then and there. I realized, I had been going about growing my blog, in such a gratifying, convenient...and sometimes very impersonal way.

One of the things that I love about Megan is this:  s h e  c a r e s.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from Megan entailing what my sponsorship with her would look like. It was factual, informative and told me everything I would need to know - and anything that I needed to do, as one being sponsored by her.

I was excited. Filled with glee, anticipation. I was eager to see how my blog would grow from her sponsorship. Eager to see how this ad would help boost my stats and numbers. But all of this eagerness waned in comparison to the one other thing (which actually was the VERY first thing) that Megan had included in her email.

She said: "First, if you are a new sponsor and we haven't had the chance to email before, I would love to get to know you better!...I would love to be able to get to know you on a more personal, not so business-y level!"

She is the only one who I've sought sponsorship with who has ever done or said this.

It is only just now that I am able to piece together Megan's email with the lessons that I have been learning at this conference.

It shouldn't be about the promotion, it should be about the people.

The relationships. The sisterhood.

Yes, there is power in platform. There is reach, there is growth. There is profit, maybe even financially.

But power, in female conversation. In relationship. In sharing and telling and unfolding and unraveling stories. Engaging with one another.

There is power in that, too. Not only does that have the power to bring more people to your message. But - in and of itself, it's the power of change. Long lasting life, change.

Visit someone's blog today. One that you've neglected to comment or care for. Read something, strike up a conversation and tell the author (blogger, writer) that you appreciate them and that you appreciate their story. Show them they are not just a number, but that they are a person. A relationship that you value...and care for.

In our individual blogs and businesses and endeavors...may it be about the people and not about the platform or promotion or popularity.

future mr. right

while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!

 

when i first read this post by Ashley from The Ugly Homemaker i just thought it was so brilliant!
raising a boy myself i realized how important it really was that i teach him not only to be a good friend, son, brother, citizen… but also a good future husband.

it puts this whole parenting thing in a whole new perspective.

 

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Today I looked at my boys and thought, I'm raising husbands.

Husbands.

That's a big responsibility.

My boys have a lot to learn.

Pay attention.

Rules to raising a husband:

Rule #1:  Get used to the idea of wearing a front pack.  She put up with an internal front pack for nine months.  Your turn.

Philip is already training for rule #1

Rule #2:  Don't misunderstand, "I guess I'll just take the trash out then..." for "I'd be happy to take the trash out for you."  She doesn't want to take out the trash.  That is your job.

Rule #3:  Focus on the toilet.  Focus.  Aim.  Focus.

Rule #4:  "I think flowers are a waste of money," is a lie.

Rule #5:  Remember the first time you saw her.  The conversation will come up and you better have a good answer.

Rule #6:  Acts of service around the house will earn you acts of service in bed.  Make sure that lawn is mowed and that curtain rod gets hung up.

Rule #7:  You don't need to be a master chef, but master one meal that doesn't come out of a box or require a microwave.

Rule #8:  Don't let her find that piece of broccoli stuck in her teeth.  Tell her.

Rule #9:  Prepare yourself for the old holy sweatpants she was too embarrassed to wear while you were dating.

Rule #10:  Never assume she knows she is beautiful.  Remind her often.

Rule #11:  Your wife is not your mother.  She will not think your farts are cute.  She will not clip your toenails.  She will not pick off the toppings you don't like on your pizza.

Rule#12:  Don't resist the opportunity to be a better person for her.  There is always room to grow.

Rule #13:  Never, under any circumstance, leave her unattended with chocolate that you intend to eat.

Rule#14:  A real man makes sure his lady feels respected, understood, safe and beautiful.

Rule #15:  Be a real man.

Rule #16:  Learn to say "tampon" without giggling.

Rule#17:  Video game consoles do not belong in the bedroom.

Rule #18:  Familiarize yourself with the location of the hamper.  I may put up with finding your dirty socks on the stove, but your wife will not appreciate it. See Rule #6.

Rule #19:  You aren't allowed to move more than 20 miles away.  I will hunt you down and drag you back.  Try me.

Rule #20: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Rule #21:  Love her.

write with no intention of posting

i’m so grateful Ashley has taken the time to guest post for me today!
i have been working with Ashley for almost a year now {wow a year!!} and she has become one of my absolute best friends as well as a great mentor.
i feel so indebted to her for all she has done for me.
even now as we are moving and it has taken a lot a lot a lot of time to get ready, i have probably been slacking more on my work leaving her a little stressed to cover for me and yet here she is writing this great post for me because she’s just amazing like that!

i love this post because it was exactly what i needed to hear right now.
i get in a rut a lot with my blog and wonder quite frequently,
“why am i doing this again? why do i feel like i suck at this?”

and a lot of times the answer is because i’m not writing my true feelings and being too careful with my own blog. so i needed this great reminder to write for yourself, write from your heart, and write without worries of what others think.

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{ source }

Up until a couple of years ago, I was an avid journal writer. As I got older, I only wrote in it when things got a bit tough, and not nearly as often as I did during my angsty teen years. But the purpose was always the same. Write my most personal feelings that poured out from the bottom of my heart and never show a soul. It was the one area of my life where I never felt judged. Even in my own head, I'd judge myself. But when it came to writing it out, I accepted myself for whatever I felt (even if it was flawed) and moved forward because I knew I was just being honest with myself. And in my book, that counts for a lot.

But my gut tells me that if were to go back to those days when I wrote regularly, I'd find some of my best writing to date - even though I was much more immature and much less experienced.

There's something so pure and raw about the emotions and words that fill a journal's pages. They're written without concern for others and without our inhibitions getting in the way of what we really mean. We're not sugar-coating the emotions, the tones, and the purposes behind our thoughts because in our minds, no one should ever be reading them. It's our own place to open up without worrying about the tone of disapproval or the look of concern from someone listening. It's our personal judgment free zone.

And when you're not worrying about being judged, the truth comes out in the most elegant of ways.

So what if we wrote with no intention of posting? What if we just decided to write because we can? It's what I used to do, honestly. When time and money didn't seem to be driving forces behind the words I thought or spoke, I wrote just because. Just because I needed to get something off my chest. Just because I felt like it. Just because I didn't need to feel my free time with TV, or the Internet, or video games, or movies. But as I grew older, things needed a purpose. We have to reason with ourselves and suddenly say that the "childish" things we did without reason or purpose are a thing of the past. But they don't have to be.

Because the beauty of the situation is that if you take some time to reflect on what you've written, you should be inspired. Possibly inspired to throw caution to the wind and post it anyway. Possibly inspired to write a post you'll not be concerned with posting. Possibly inspired to live a little again and do something you've never done before, or haven't done for a while.

No matter what you're inspired to do, it doesn't matter - it's a purpose. The fact is that you're inspired and that's what matters when it comes to blogging. Real inspiration is what writes solid posts that speak to someone's heart, even if it's only your own.

So write your next post with no intention of posting it and see where it takes you.

 

 

[and i’m actually posting on Ashley’s blog today too as a contributor. so check it out!]

a new mama’s to-do list

while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!

i am so grateful for Margot of Newfoundlander at Heart and her post today!
when i read her post for the first time i remembered all too well the feelings of being a new mother and wanting to do everything possible still.
i know i pushed myself hard and it took me almost a year to realize it when i finally broke down.
i wish i didn’t rush it as much as i did and took the time to slowly, ease-in to my new role and to accomplishing my mile long to-do list that no matter what will always be there.

i hope you enjoy her post today and it is a great, gentle reminder to slow-down and enjoy the fleeting moments that you will cherish forever!
{you won’t cherish that to-do list!}
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Hi there! I'm Margot from Newfoundlander at Heart. I'm giving Megan a hand with her blog while she and her family are busy moving:) I'm a new mama who aims to live as self-sufficiently as possible. Before baby this meant spending lots of time in the kitchen preparing, preserving, cooking and baking; in the garden, planting and tending; and in my craft corner creating clothing and items for the home.

My son was born mid-May and I knew I would be tired and sore, and need to take time to recover but I was worried that things would slip. Everyone kept telling me I needed to sleep when he was sleeping, and to take time to rest. But I'm not used to sitting around and I found it hard to sit still, and all the while my mental to-do list increased in size. I finally realized that I had to listen to some of these suggestions from others, or it was going to take me a lot longer to recover.

Baby is about two months now, and I am super happy to say I have made a (small) dent in the to-do list. There are of course many of things yet to do, but I am happy to be back to my regular kitchen savvy, gardening guru, creative self. A few things I've accomplished as of late:

Creating a smaller pot garden on the deck, because my regular garden would have been too much; sewing a fun cover for the baby's changing pad, and baking a yummy cake for my sister-in-law. It feels good to be back to some of regular activities, now if only I could get 8 or 9 hours of sleep at once, we'd all be golden! (It might be asking for a lot, but Wendel has slept 9 hours, once, I just didn't go to sleep at the the same time)

So I'm not going to claim to be an expert, but if there are any new moms out there I just want to share that even though it seems like all of your time is spent tending to baby, things will change, and you will get back to some of your pre-baby activities. But don't rush it, take the time your body needs to relax and recover, and enjoy the down time while you have it!

Thanks for having me here today Megan (and readers), I wish you all the best in your move!

xox
Margot

devoted 2.0

while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!

i’m really happy Elizabeth from The Bradleys  agreed to guest post for me and shared her beautiful insight.
in a world that seems to be every changing all the time {for the worse}, it is important to realize what we as parents need to be doing for the rising generation.

me and Adam were just talking the other day how we know that we need to be spending more time with Elijah and show him more undivided attention & love.
we know that if we can start at a young age to get into the habit of spending quality time with one another we’ll be able to raise a more well-adjusted child.

it can be hard, sure.
life is busy and ever changing.
but there definitely is a lot of truth in the idea that by spending time with your children, showing them love and attention, will help them be more happy & independent adults.

i hope you enjoy Elizabeth’s post today and i would love to hear your insights as well!

 

I am so very grateful to have the chance to write on my favorite blog, and to share a little bit of our family's thoughts on life and our family centered lifestyle!

About a week ago, I had an interesting chat with two teachers from the States. They were on their summer vacation and were enjoying time off from teaching; they happened to be mother and daughter, and one resided in Chicago and the other Colorado. I asked out of curiosity what schools are like now in the US and they explained to me that they were at alternative public schools and that most of the children attending had some serious academic and social issues they were facing. Many of their kids are pregnant and some drive to school illegally. A number of them cannot read. I asked what they thought was an underlying issue and was quickly told it was that they lacked either their father or mother. 'Wait, what about drugs?' I asked. They assured me many were using drugs, but the reason they did was because they felt neglected and basically took care of themselves; one or both of their parents were not in the picture. 'Is this a common problem then, or just in your schools?' 'No, this is nationwide.' I was pretty shocked that the Mother-Daughter duo had said this, and after at least 2 hours of conversing the Mom told me that they had to actually spend most of the class period teaching the kids right from wrong, basic morals and ethics and other things that traditionally are taught at home. 'They have no one to model this for them, we're doing the parent's job.' she went on.

They were both what I would call 'liberal' and progressive, so for them to lay out that they felt the number one problem across the US was a lack of parental involvement in children's lives took me aback. My husband is also a teacher, and he concurs with them. Both when he taught here and in Korea, he noticed the kids were very disconnected from either one or both of their parents. He has some students who are dropped off at his school almost 4 hours before their class begins...they sit around, jump on chairs, and eat junk food. It is treated like a babysitting service.

I have many friends who are single parents and have done a stellar job in raising their kids, but all are super involved in their children's lives, and conversely I know moms and dads who are not at all involved or intimate with their children. So what's going on and how can we unite families?

About 6 months ago I began reading conservative 'mom blogs' that 6 years ago I would have viewed as old fashioned. Today, they are a daily must read as they show me what I am doing is important, that my being 'just a Mom' ( as some people have put it) is in fact an integral, underrated job that has the power to transform lives. We home school our daughter and it was a choice that didn't float well with our families at first, but once they saw how much we all love it and how our daughter flourishes, they understood. The most precious gift any parent can give their children is their time and attention. Are we being present for our children and listening to them? It's a bust world and getting distracted is easy. Are we listening to what we 'should' be doing with our lives or doing what is right for our family? Being genuine in this world is a challenge as we are taught from a young age to conform to certain standards and ways. The journey of parenthood may be a challenging road, but it is the most worthwhile thing we can do.

I see things changing on a daily basis. Many women are finding that some forms of feminism are just not bringing about the satisfaction we thought they would give us. Moms like Dr. Mayim Bialik for example are debating with feminists over breastfeeding and that it in not 'enslaving' women (as some ladies have said). I read bloggers like Modern Modest Mom and Casey Leigh and I see a blending of having a passion or career and also maintaining close ties with our children. Things are changing, sometimes out of desperation. We need true satisfaction, and can that be found by competing with men or by shopping? Hardly. It is something inside us that we need to discover. I would like to argue that by being involved with our families we can find our paths just as easily, if not easier, as we have a team of little ones that love us and want us to be happy. What could be a better gift?

birth of a mother

while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!

this post from Rachel of Her Threaded Needle is absolutely beautiful!
she so very eloquently puts into words the incredible, overwhelming feeling of motherhood once your child is born.
i haven’t had a similar experience {yet} with Elijah and his doctor but there have been many other times where i knew, without a shadow of a doubt, despite what books or blogs or doctors said, what was best for my baby.
that amazing mama instinct has come over me countless times to help bless all of our lives.

i hope you enjoy this post as much as i did.
and for you all you mothers out there—future, pregnant, new, veterans—i hope you are able to be blessed by Rachel’s story to feel the comfort you need for you and your children.
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I asked my mother once if she loved all her babies the same.  She has this thing she does, you know, where she says "you're my favorite" to each of us.  But I wanted to know if she loved her first baby the best, just a tiny bit more than the rest.  She said she loved us all, and of course she does.  I don't know, you see, how you love other babies, because I only have one tiny man.  But I think first babies are special, and not just because I am one.

First babies are special because their birth is the birth of a mother.

It's funny; the changes that happen to a mama when she is born.  A baby, a precious, tiny, new baby, and a mama.  One grown inside the other, two hearts beating in separate bodies now, but inseparably linked.

After I birthed my son, I laid him on my now-empty stomach, and looked at his perfect face.  And in those moments, a mama tiger grew, and filled the empty spaces inside me, and there.  A mama was born.

The tiger grew to protect my son with a fierceness I never before possessed.  I didn't like conflict, and I always accepted authority figures- the doctors, the teachers, my parents.  The mama tiger was there to give me the strength to fight for my son, to research and pray, to listen and teach and guide as only I could.

My own mama told me it's a mother's job to be an advocate for her child; to go to bat for them while they're still so small.  To know when to stand between them and the world, and when to let the child venture forth on his own.  It's difficult, I think, to know when to tame that mama tiger, and when to release her from her cage.

My Luke was born tongue tied, and the lactation consultant at the hospital told me to make sure to have his pediatrician look at it.  I did; he glanced at it and said it was fine.  My mama tiger was still very new, still growing and weak.  And what did I know about nursing and tongue tied babies?

By the time he was a few weeks old, he wasn't able to nurse any longer- it hurt his poor mouth.  So I pumped, and pumped and slowly he stopped being able to eat from the bottle too.  My poor baby would cry and scream from hunger; his tongue too tired to suck more than an ounce at a time.  I squirted milk from the bottle down his throat to help him.  It didn't help; he choked.

I consulted the doctor again.  It's fine, he said.
It's not fine, I said.  He is starving.
He's gaining weight.
He's starving.

Did you know it costs $300 for a doctor to take a pair of scissors and snip a baby's frenum?  That is more than it cost us to have our baby in the first place.  Our insurance wouldn't cover it.  $300 is a lot, my husband said.  And the doctor says he doesn't need it.  We can do it if he needs it, but are you sure it isn't something else?

I was sure.  That mama tiger, she knows.  So back we went, for a second opinion.

His tongue is 90% tied down, this doctor said.  If you ever want him to be able to nurse, we need to snip it.
The first doctor said, well, if you're sure, we can do it.
So we did it.  The best $300 I ever spent.

10 minutes later, we were home.  We settled into my favorite green chair by the window, and we nursed for the first time in weeks.  The mama tiger purred triumphantly in my chest as I beamed over my little one, finally able to eat and fill his stomach. 

I slipped into motherhood easily with confidence born from this mama tiger.  There have been other battles since this, and there will be more to come.  I imagine this mama tiger will grow as my body grows more babies to love and protect.

because when a baby is born, so is a mother.
and I think, just maybe, they'll all be my favorites too.

 

 

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::p.s. Cafe Rio winner announced here