trick or treat: $30 Urban Outfitters Gift Card

Happy Halloween! 

i have a special treat for you all today to celebrate this festive, cavity-inducing holiday. 

first, meet Elizabeth from The Bradley's 


i love Elizabeth! 
she has the loveliest blog and the cutest, curly-haired little girl ever!

[aren't they both so gorgeous!?]

i consider her a true, real-life friend as well and just think the world of her. 
i love hearing about her adventures around the world & her perspectives on family. 
she's amazing! 
if you haven't gotten to know her yet or checked out her blog you definitely should.
right now!

today, Elizabeth is being so kind to give away a special Halloween treat:
a $30 Urban Outfitters Gift Card

pretty great way to celebrate Halloween right??

-enter below!- 


a Rafflecopter giveaway

don't know what you have til it's gone

[these chubby pictures are helping me get through the day]
i woke up in the middle of the night last night sick. 
very sick.
and have been stuck in bed sick all day. 

i'm the biggest wimp when it comes to sickness. 
and so when my stomach & body is totally rebelling me then i just curl up in a ball and want to die. 

so that has been my day in a nutshell. 

but even worse than those intense stomach pains is hearing my son cry or call out my name or run towards my bedroom door and i can't do anything about it. 

Adam came home from school early and has been taking care of Elijah.
{which i'm so SO grateful for especially since he has finals next week. the sacrifices that guy makes...}
he also has quarantined me to my room. 
i'm not even allowed to go out in the living room and touch anything.
as i was trying to get a drink he said,
"don't touch anything! i'll get it. go lay down." 
so... there's that. 

and though i completely understand and agree that i shouldn't be around Eli right now for fear of getting him sick,
{cause if there's one thing worse than being sick yourself, it's taking care of a sick toddler who has no idea why his body hates him}
i also miss being able to take care of Eli. 

there i said it. 
i miss taking care of him. 

i know i complain a lot to Adam and to Facebook and to Twitter and to my blog readers
[and to God]
about how difficult Elijah is at this age.
and i mean it, he's really hard! 

but hearing him in the other room laughing makes my heart ache. 
i wish i could be out there playing with him,
laughing with him, 
watching him learn something new, 
all the things that i take for granted every day.

we have our own little routine,
we are buds,
we get each other, 
and we love each other.  

and although i'm so entirely grateful for Adam for stepping in today, it's just not the same. 
he doesn't know him like i do. 

i know tomorrow or the next day when i am back to hearing Elijah's whines and he's slapping me across the face i will wish i was quarantined again. 
but for my own sake i wanted to write down these feelings so i can look back and remember the time that i actually missed him instead of wanting the toddler years to go away forever. 


cause he really is the cutest kid! 
he's the weirdest kid i have ever met.
and the best part of my life

lovin' that man of mine

there are many times in my marriage where i don't feel worthy of Adam. 
like when i've stayed up all night with Elijah and he lets me sleep in real late on Saturday. 
then i wake up to the {like real-clean not just picked-up-clean} including: 
laundry done, dishes washed, kitchen wiped down, floors swept, bathrooms cleaned [which is the bane of my existence], carpet cleaned & vacuumed, and shelves dusted.
plus he had Elijah up, fed, dressed, and playing quietly so i could sleep longer
had made really yummy peanut butter & chocolate treats all ready to be. 

then, even though he had two tests this week, he took the {long} time to hang up a shelf in Elijah's room that i had been bugging him about for a while.
and he helped keep Elijah busy and taken care of so i can rest after he gets home even though he needs that time to study.

basically, i think Adam is awesome. 

now, i'm not one to write mushy, "look at how my life/marriage is perfect" kind of posts because i don't ever want to give the impression that my life is something that i know it isn't.
and if you were a fly on the wall in our home you would know for a fact that we do not have the most perfect relationship.
but this last week i have just felt so extremely grateful for the man that i married,
the man that i'm raising my children with,
and the man i chose to go through the rest of my life and into eternity with.

there are times where i am just so impressed with how great of person Adam truly is.
i've always known he's a good person but once you go through life & trials with someone you realize that you really didn't know them at all before you were married.

i have such crazy up and down moments that i'm honestly amazed that Adam sticks around sometimes,
that he has enough faith in me & loves me enough to help me be a stronger, better person.

so no, i definitely am not worthy of the great man Adam is.
but i can try to always be grateful that he chose to love me & show him LOVE in return.

Halloween Link-Up Party

Join us October 29th through November 4th to link up all of your Halloween related posts! Share your recipes, costumes, home decor and whatever else it is you're doing to celebrate this Halloween! Then stop by some of the other blogs that linked up for the holiday fun and get some ideas on how to celebrate Halloween next year (or even this year if you're behind on planning!)

  1. Link up your Halloween related posts - any and all of them! All non-Halloween related posts and blog homepage links will be deleted.
  2. That's it! Pretty simple, huh? Check-out some optional things below if you feel like doing a bit more to help spread the holiday fun!
  1. Check out other blog posts! You just may find your new blogging BFF.
  2. Post our button on your sidebar or in your blog post(s) to help promote the link-up.
  3. Check out the other hosts for this link-up! They're pretty awesome, promise. After Nine To FiveAnd Here's To You, Mrs. RobinsonPolkadot PrettiesKrystal's KitschPretty Living PDXWhispering Sweet NothingsThe March OwlWhit SpeaksSquishy Cheeks & CupcakesSabje's BlogKnit, Nicole, Knit

October Favorite Post Link-Up

Be sure to check out the hosts to find out their favorite posts this month + other blog posts from the link-up!

Permanent Hosts:
Becky from Beauty for Ashes | Jessa from Life of a Sports Wife

My favorite post of the month is:
{i have too many that are my favorite}
but i will narrow it down to:
The Nerve of Dirty Socks

Link-up below !


i'm grateful for this little blog. 
i'm grateful for all of you who support me. 
and i'm grateful for the opportunity i have to share my testimony with all of you. 

new swaps & holiday gift guide

[that is the look of pure joy right there :)] 

i am now accepting new swaps for November! 
if you would like to ad swap, email me at mrs.robinsonblog {at} 
i would love to have you! 

also, don't forget to sign up for the Holiday Gift Guide if you are interested!
{free advertising!!} 
i would love to have everyone and anyone who is interested, no limit. 
so if you have a shop/talent you'd like to share or know of anyone who does, sign up with this form to be featured in the gift guide. 
i will also be emailing everyone who has signed up so far this week with the discount code to get their free 100x100 sidebar ad. 
seriously, sign up!


lesson learned.

before i became a mother, i thought i knew it all. 
i was scared to be a mom but i honestly felt more than confident in myself. 
i had big dreams & expectations. 
i mean, could it really be that hard??

enter Elijah. 
this sweet, loving boy of mine has humbled me so much, 
in ways that i didn't even know needed humbling. 
he has taught me that nothing in life goes as expected.

i do not know it all. 
i take each day one at a time,
some days hour by hour. 

i'm not happy every single moment, 
but i'm happy at the end of the day.
{and tired...}

motherhood is absolutely nothing what i thought it would be,
but absolutely everything i hoped for. 

so, dear Elijah boy, thank you for being nothing i expected and everything i needed
some days are harder than others, much much harder
but they are still filled with lots of joy & love that make those hard moments {almost}
worth it. 

blessings of welfare

i have thought a long time about writing this post,
{a whole year in fact}
but always pushed it off for fear of controversy, hateful comments, and/or judgment.
then yesterday morning i couldn't go back to sleep cause i kept hearing people's comments over and over in my head and i felt like it was finally time to say something.

i don't write this out of pity. or even for political reasons.
but i thought that with everything going on in the media and in discussions at this time, now was a good time to hopefully give a new perspective to this issue.
and that's exactly what i hope to do; help others see a new way that may be different from what they understand and help people see there is more to the story before they make grand, sweeping generalizations.

the issue i'm talking about is welfare.

on countless facebook statuses, blogs, twitter updates, article comments, etc. i have seen these remarks:
"i work(ed) at a grocery store and saw first hand how people abused their food stamps."
"people are just so lazy."
"i work so hard just to pay for other people's food/children."
"so many people are abusing the system."

every time i read those comments i feel like it's a direct hit to my stomach.
my heart starts racing.
and i feel immediately worthless.

all because we are on welfare.
and have been on different parts of welfare for a couple of years.

so i know a thing or two about these programs.
i know a thing or two about living on government assistance.
and i know a thing or two about the feelings involved in having to come to terms with the fact that we just can't do it on our own. 

reading comments like that one of my first thoughts is,
"so every time i check out at the grocery store the clerk is standing there silently judging me and thinking i'm nothing but a measly, lazy leech to the government? you mean, as they see me go through the line with my screaming toddler, looking all flustered with my WIC vouchers and EBT card, that they immediately have no respect for me and automatically assume that because i bought a bag of M&Ms for my crying son that i am abusing the system? as if i don't have enough problems."

and seriously.
you think i don't have enough bad feelings about my situation on my own?

after reading those things i just want to say to those people,
"excuse me. please live in my shoes before you judge me."

a lot of the argument is that people are lazy, that they can't go out and find jobs to provide for themselves or work harder to get out of their situation.
and this is what i say,
we do work hard.

i could type out a HUGE LONG STORY {in fact i just did but just deleted it} proving to everyone how hard we work, have worked, and continue to work.
or how we are trying everything we can to secure a positive future for our family but right now we just can't do it on our own.
i could even tell you all about our struggles, our frustrations, our tears of just not having enough.

but that's not my purpose.
i don't need to tell everyone those intimate details of our life to prove a point.
or try to convince you to agree with me.
i just want to open up people's eyes to others' situations.

it's not a proud moment to have to ask for help
especially asking for government assistance.
you get all.kinds.of.judgment.
it's frustrating & demoralizing sitting in that office for 3 hours so you can go through your stack of paperwork with a case worker.
it's stressful & heartbreaking to know that i can't be the one to pay for my son's dinner.

but we are grateful,
{oh so so SO grateful!}
for these programs.
to us, they are a blessing, a way that the Lord has provided us to be able to care for our family while we work hard toward a more promising future.

i know it is temporary.
i don't plan to be on assistance for the rest of my life.
and me and Adam already have a plan to be able to give back to others and help other people once this is all over.

but for right now, we realize that we can't go towards those goals without getting some help ourselves.
and i have learned to be okay with that fact.
it doesn't make me weak
or inferior
or worthless
or dumb
or lazy. 

instead it gives me hope & peace of mind that my family is taken care of.
that even though we are doing everything we can, we have help to make up the difference.
and i will be forever grateful for that!

again, this isn't for pity's sake.
this isn't, "here's my sad story, hope you agree with me!" kind of post.
this isn't to say that everyone should be on welfare cause i know that's not true, if you are able to do it on your own more power to you!
this isn't even to convince you of who to vote for.
[and even after reading this post you may think you know who i would vote for but you really don't.]

and this definitely isn't to tell you that all people on welfare are the same, because i know there are all kinds of different situations.
[i know some people unfortunately do take advantage but not everyone!]
this just happens to be our situation.
this just happens to be our story, one that has taken a lot of time & prayer to know what to do.
and i will not apologize for that.
i will not be made to feel ashamed for what i have to do to take care of my family.

all i ask is that you think before you say things. 
really ask yourself if you in fact know the full story.
and stop making general accusations!
don't go around making false statements, you don't know who you may be hurting.

and that's all i have to say about that
thanks for listening!

**for the record: the claim about the "i work in a grocery store and have seen this..." i feel like is said without actual knowledge of how food stamps/EBT cards work. so if you don't really know anything about how the program works then i'm happy to help answer any questions :) 

this is where i say HA!

[skirt c/o Mikarose]

remember how it's all snowing and cold in Utah?
and everyone is posting pictures of the first snowfall on Facebook & Twitter?
and they are all acting like they're excited even though it's still October and autumn has barely even begun so that means if it's already snowing it will probably only get worse?


and then i'm just over here like,
"hey guys! i'm hanging out in a t-shirt outside and it's awesome!"
and then remember how i'm just, like, twirling and laughing at how cold it is in Utah cause it still feels awesome here?
remember that?


[blurry cause i'm laughing :)]

HA HA HA!!!!!

[also, remember how our camera is broken and takes blurry pictures.... :/]

learning to be grateful


something my dad said at my grandma's funeral has really stuck with me these last couple of weeks
{and at Adam's gentle hand-squeezing prompting as well}. 
he said, 
"Mom was always content, she never complained about her circumstances." 

i wish i could say i was like my grandma in this respect.
but i'm anything but that.
in fact, i could probably say i'm the exact opposite and that wouldn't even be an exaggeration. 

Adam knows first-hand my struggle to be happy in our circumstances,
how i struggle to be content & grateful for everything we do have despite what we don't,
how i have days where i just feel like we are working so hard to just be spinning our wheels in the mud not moving anywhere.
i get discouraged, big time, there's no doubt about that. 

but since i started to learn more about where my grandma came from,
what poor circumstances she raised her family in,
how they struggled much more than we are struggling now,
and realizing that i have never once heard her complain or be unhappy,
it reaffirmed to me that that was a quality i needed to start magnifying in my own life. 

i have tried to take the time to thank Adam when he goes above and beyond to help out around the house after he gets home after a long day.
i have tried to realize the small joys & triumphs i have with Elijah each day, even after the tantrums have subsided [which is honestly hard some days but i'm trying!]
i have tried to make our little house a home, one that i can be proud of even on a meager budget. 
i have tried to develop my talents more so that i can bless my family more fully. 
and most importantly, i have tried to make it a point to take a significant portion of my prayers to thank my Heavenly Father for all that He has given me, namely my sweet little family & loving friends. 

i know i have a long way to go in learning to not complain so much... it's not the best quality to have.
but i really want to start making a more conscious, deliberate effort to be more content & focus on my blessings. 
i hope that someday at my funeral my own children could say the same thing about me,
that i was always happy despite our circumstances, 
and that i can be a good example to my children and the generations to come. 

my snuggle bunny

photo (8) photo (9)

when i was little, i remember waking up in the middle of the night and going into my parents’ bed, cuddling up next to them, and going back to sleep.
or in the early morning while we gathered to read our scriptures and say family prayer, i would nestle into my parents' covers where it was nice and cozy and drift back off to sleep.

my mom and dad would call me their snuggle bunny cause i loved cuddling with them.

as i got older though i was way too cool for it.
i still loved laying in their bed and cuddling up with their warm sheets,
but i was very much against the idea of being a "snuggle bunny."
no respecting adolescent would be caught dead having such a nickname.

only now do i realize how much my parents probably loved those moments
and missed them when i got to be too cool for them.
because now, i have my very own snuggle bunny.

Elijah loves to cuddle up with me on the couch.
even though he can be a little demanding {and OCD} about it
(my elbow canNOT be near his head)
it is my absolute favorite thing when he comes over and makes room to lay next to me.

we just lay there on the couch, me scratching his back, watching cartoons or singing lullabies.
almost every morning that is our ritual.
{and every night before we put him to bed} 
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and snuggles.

Adam is totally jealous too that Eli is my little snuggle bunny.
he tries to get Elijah to cuddle with him but Eli refuses.
the other night he finally laid down next to him but it didn't last very long.
[probably because Adam just squishes him and bites his cheeks... who wants to snuggle with that? ;)]

so it makes our cuddling sessions even more special.
because this is a moment he only reserves for his mama,
something that i will always treasure.

now i understand why my parents always let me come into bed with them even though it
a) hardly fit all 3 of us
and b) couldn’t have been comfortable at all.
because those are very fleeting moments, moments that soon my little boy will push away.

i'm so glad Elijah deems me cool enough now to want to cuddle up close to me,
to want to be with me right by my side all the time.
even after all the whining and tantrums and hitting and screaming…
i will take his snuggles all day, any day!
cause he will always be my very own snuggle bunny.

Halloween Link-Up {coming soon!}

Join us on October 29th through November 4th to link up all of your Halloween related posts! Share your recipes, costumes, home decor and whatever else it is you're doing to celebrate this Halloween! Then stop by some of the other blogs that linked up for the holiday fun and get some ideas on how to celebrate Halloween next year (or even this year if you're behind on planning!)

Want to help us promote the link-up? We'd love to have you! Grab the coding below for the button and post it in your sidebar through November 4th to encourage even more bloggers to link-up and spread the holiday fun!

Be sure to check out the hosts for the link-up : 
  After Nine To Five //And Here's To You, Mrs. Robinson 
  Polkadot Pretties // Krystal's Kitsch // Pretty Living PDX 
  Whispering Sweet Nothings // The March Owl // Whit Speaks 
  Squishy Cheeks & Cupcakes // Sabje's Blog // Knit, Nicole, Knit


we can easily fall off the path when we allow ourselves to succumb to temptation.
even the littlest things can lead to the biggest regrets. 
i'm so grateful for the gift of repentance in my life & the happiness i gain from it.

my FIRST holiday gift guide

this holiday season i'm pleased to announce my very own
i thought about doing this for a little while but was unsure since there are a lot of other people i know who are putting them together as well. 
but then i decided, "eh, why not?! one more can't hurt!" and am putting my feet forward to make this happen. 

i'm really really excited about it!!
i'm excited to help promote so many shops and businesses
{for FREE!}
and present some really fabulous gift options. 

i thought about doing when i was thinking of my own wish list.
each year,  Adam and i write out our detailed Christmas lists so we know what to get each other.
i feel kind of silly doing it, like i'm a greedy little kid at Christmas.
but i'm a big list person in general and it really is helpful so we can get the perfect gift.
{and we always throw in our own surprises too so it's not just what they already expect.} 

and since i'm a huge lover of lists, i thought,
why not create one big awesome list of the BEST gift ideas?
i'm always looking for ideas.
i'm sure you are always looking for ideas.
so let's get these ideas together!! 

good idea?
i think so :) 

so here's the details: 

:: this is FREE promotion for any shop/business that would like to be included 

:: the holiday guide will run from the day after Thanksgiving {Black Friday} to just before Christmas [to account for shipping]
(i am a big big believer in not celebrating Christmas until after Thanksgiving which is why i chose these dates)

:: by signing up to be included in the gift guide, you also get a free 100x100 sidebar ad for the months of November & December 

:: there are also opportunities to do a giveaway for your products for further promotion

:: the gift guide will be promoted through the blog and social media and will have a permanent link on the sidebar through the holiday season 

:: information is due not later than NOVEMBER 3RD to get all the information put together. 

:: there will be different categories for the guide such as For Him, For Her, For Kids, For the Home, etc.

:: readers get to benefit from some perfect gift options for their loved ones [and able to find it in a organized way based on the categories] and get special discounts
who doesn't love saving money?? 

:: and there will be more info to come as i work out the details
[this is my first ever gift guide so still trying to work some things out] 

if you would like to participate please fill out this form so i can get your information.
if you have any questions/concerns/suggestions please feel free to email me at

can't believe the holidays are almost here!! 
get excited! 

Diary of a Submissive

for the BlogHer Book Club this month we read Sophie Morgan's book "Diary of a Submissive." 
following right behind the "50 Shades of Grey" books (which i have never read), this book is Sophie's true account of what it's like to be a "submissive" in her sex life.
i found it so disturbing.
so so disturbing.
it took a lot for me to even finish it. i just couldn't handle it.
and i honestly can't even think of any themes or lessons from it... i'm just scarred.

now, i don't think myself a prude by any means.
but this book is so detailed, so dark, so insane that it just pushed my comfort levels way too much.
{i really should've read the description better.... i honestly didn't think it would get pushed as far as it did.}

i understand that people have their different turn-ons and whatnot
and that everyone is wired differently,
but this is just so above and beyond that i just don’t get how this can be even remotely sexy.

and even though i have never read “50 Shades of Grey” {nor plan to}, it makes me wonder how in the world so many women love that book if it’s even remotely similar to this memoir.
[please tell me it’s not anything like this book so i can renew my faith in humanity.]

but to each their own i guess…
and this is just really not my taste.

for some though, this is how they roll and i guess i can’t argue with that.
so maybe you are one of those people and this book is for you.

but if you are maybe a little more sensitive like i am,
and don’t like reading about a woman getting beaten to the point where they almost black out and are silently sobbing with no hope for the pain to stop [all part of the sexual experience]… then this book is definitely NOT for you. 

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

Luxe Party Supplies Giveaway

if you know me {or have been reading my blog long} you know i LOVE to throw parties! 
and a perfect party starts with the perfect invitations. 

Michelle of Luxe Party Supplies has some of the cutest invitations i have seen. 
she is so very talented!!
she can also make the invitations custom with your own pictures & wording.

here are a few favorites:  

 i mean seriously, seriously cute!!
{the mustache one? i'm obsessed over} 

and if you are not shopping for invites right now, be sure to check out Luxe Party Supplies for other cute party supplie needs.

like these cute teal polka-dot cupcake liners

and these blue striped paper straws

and much more!

be sure to check out Luxe Party Supplies online
shop | blogfacebooktwitter 

today, Luxe Party Supplies is giving away a custom invitation of winner's choice from her shop.
you will definitely not be disappointed!

{enter below} 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

my boys

like father...

like son!!!

i should've made Elijah do the same pose as Adam's picture. 
because let's be honest, that pose is basically golden. 
as is Adam's whole outfit... can we discuss that for a second?

Candle Warmers, Etc.

right now, my house smells absolutely amazing. 
{which is a HUGE step up from the weird "hotel smell" our apartment had when we moved in}

i feel incredibly calm
with my Candle Warmers, Etc. wax melt warmer glowing proudly on my counter
and the yummy smell of Pumpkin Spice in the air!

with the holidays just around the corner, it's time to break out all those delicious, holiday smelling candles to get into the sprit of the changing seasons.
but having open flames in the home, especially with children, can be dangerous.

Candle Warmers, Etc. provides a safer way to enjoy your favorite scents by using wax melt warmers and candle warmers that use lights instead of open flames.
we have absolutely loved the difference!

before we received our Vintage Turquoise wax melt warmer and Pumpkin Spice scent, we went out and bought another kind of pumpkin candle from the local store.
it was really annoying to light because the wick was too short.
Elijah was totally obsessed with the fire and constantly asked to see it [and blow it out].
and the smell was not nearly as good or intense as the wax melts.

it has been an awesome night and day difference having the candle warmer compared to the candle.
even Adam comes home and can tell the difference; it is like it feels more like our home immediately when you walk in the door.

Candle Warmers, Etc. has lots of beautiful designs that are sure to go with any home decor.
they also have some of the best candle scents!
and they just got in some new holiday designs and scents in to make your home even more festive.

you can check out Candle Warmers, Etc. on their website
and Pinterest


i'm pretty sure i've shared this video before. 
but after yesterday i felt like i should share this again. 

at my grandma's funeral yesterday all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren sang this song, I Am a Child of God.
my mom told me later that there was a time in my grandma's life where she was struggling with some doubts of who she really was.
soon after, this song was released and helped ease my grandma's worries.
she felt the love of the Savior and knew that she was truly a Daughter of God. 

this song has special meaning in my life and once hearing my grandma's story it reiterated what i already knew to be true, that the Savior loves me

i know He sent me here.
i know i am a Child of God.  
and i know that He helps to lead and guide me each day so that i may live with Him again someday.

doubts & blessings

it’s been kind of hard trying to figure out a good transition from my last post.
it’s not really the easiest thing to follow.

these last two weeks or so have been really emotional for me in a lot of ways.
good & bad.
at this point i feel a lot more peaceful, a lot more uplifted than i did two weeks ago.

i have to back up to two Fridays ago.
i basically had a {small} emotional breakdown to Adam.
it just all came pouring out of me, feelings that i didn’t really even realize or understand were bottled up inside me.

ultimately, all of the feelings came down to this:
i felt very alone. and i started doubting.
i just didn’t feel like i knew the point of everything anymore.

i told Adam that i would pray often for patience, love, wisdom, and understanding when dealing with Elijah.
i would pray that Elijah would be calm and behave, that we would have easier, happier days.
but no. the days just got harder.

so i doubted.
i didn’t think anyone, anyone, cared about how i felt.

literally the next day the prayers that i thought were going unanswered were answered.
i went to the Relief Society broadcast and one of the very first messages was:

photo (6)

so that was basically like being hit over the head.

a few days later my grandma went to the hospital after breaking her hip.
although she came out of surgery with flying colors, the following days were really up and down.

it was really hard to understand why all of this was happening.
we had just moved back home and i was looking forward to seeing my grandma more,
not just in her final moments.

but as i reflected on it all and thought about the legacy my grandma has left behind,
i realized that the whole experience was another gentle reminder to have faith in all things.


the first time i visited my grandma in the hospital i realized how petty i had been acting.
my problems were not even close to anything my grandma has endured or was currently enduring.
i have one crazy boy and she lived in a tiny house with 4 of them.
she spent nearly the last 30 years without her husband by her side.
i'm sure she felt completely alone countless times.
but she never gave up faith or doubted even though she had every reason to.

trust in the lord with all thine heart

although these last couple of weeks have been rough, there have been so many
tender mercies,
and answered prayers
throughout all of it.

two weeks ago i was doubting that the Lord was there for me.
or that He was even answering my prayers.
and now i can say He definitely is there for me.
He hears me and answers my prayers,
even the unspoken prayers of my heart.


as a sidenote, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me these last little while as my posts have become rather inconsistent. i hope i didn’t let too many people down while i take on some of these personal things. thank you for all of your patience and understanding! i appreciate all of you and couldn’t ask for better friends & readers!

a letter to my grandma


Dear Grandma Connie,

You were so good at writing letters and keeping journals. So I thought there would be no better way to honor you and express my love but to write a letter.

It still doesn’t make sense that you are gone. We just moved back. I thought I had more time to spend with you and make memories with my little family. I was excited for Elijah to get to know his Grammy and to show you that he even knew that word. I had a lot of stories to catch you up on. I wanted to hear your stories of raising 6 kids, including 4 boys, in that little home. But all that was taken away too quickly for my liking.

However, I’m grateful you went when you were ready. I’m grateful you were able to make that decision on your own, that you could be aware as you were telling Uncle Duane you were ready to go home to grandpa. I wish I was as ready and prepared as you were. But I can find peace in knowing at least you were and that’s all that matters.

I’m so grateful that I was able to grow up with you. I’m grateful for all the memories that I have of you. The sleepovers, the tea parties, watching the movie Rigaletto over and over cause it was the only ones you had. Those are all memories that I will forever cherish. And those are memories that I hope I can pass on to my children.

I am a little ashamed that I started acting too cool for you. I didn’t think I needed a Grammy. I did my due diligence as a granddaughter but refused to go more out of my way. I regret not trying to get to know your story more at a young age. I feel bad I didn’t call you more. I hate that it took me a husband and baby of my own to realize how much I needed you in my life. And by then it feels like it was too late.

I wish I told you sooner how much I looked up to you. How you are absolutely one of the most amazing women I’ve ever known. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully able to comprehend how you were able to stay so strong even after being away from grandpa after almost 30 years. How bitterly alone you must have felt, how sad you may have been. You went through sooo much and yet still stayed true and faithful to your covenants. You never doubted. Never. You are the best example of enduring to the end than I have ever known.

I have thought about that over and over while I was standing by your side. I wanted so badly to let you know. I tried to tell you but it was hard to know if you could hear. The last week I felt so lonely, so unloved. So I started doubting. And I don’t have nearly the amount of trials you have had to face and yet you never gave up. Even during your final hours you were there for me, being the best example I could ever have.

I wanted to do more for you yesterday at the hospital. I tried to sing to you along with the others. But I was always stopped by my tears. I hope you heard it still. I hope you still could tell what songs we were singing. I sang some from the Easter Pageant that you were always a part of. That is one of my fondest memories of you. The Easter Pageant and your vanilla crème cookies. And even at a young age, I could tell how much you loved the Lord.

The only thing I could think of to do to help comfort you while you passed was to help bring grandpa closer to you to help you through the transition. When I was little I used to get so upset because Grandpa died before I was born. I remember crying and feeling so sad that I didn’t get a chance to get to know him. I was always jealous of people’s memories. I didn’t even know what he really looked like. I remember telling you this and asking about him when you gave me a small, wallet-sized picture of him so I could keep with me. I found it in my wallet yesterday on the way to the hospital. I never took it out. So I gave it to you at the hospital. We kept it by your pillow the whole time. We wanted you to be able to see who you were going towards, your eternal companion who has been waiting for his bride.

In a way I’m jealous. I’m jealous that you get to go to this marvelous place and be with grandpa again. Can you tell him about me? Tell him about Elijah and Adam and how we came to say goodbye. Tell him about watching Elijah play with Aunt Shauna’s puppy with all the other little cousins. Tell him how me and Adam could be sealed in the temple so we can live with you both again. Tell him how I wish you could both be here to help me raise my own children. Tell him about my dad, my mom, my brother, my sisters, and all of my uncles, aunts, and cousins. Tell him we are all happy you are both together again.

Grandma, I will always love you. Your scrolly handwriting, your film camera, your fanny packs, your “fuzzy pickles,” everything. I love you. I will miss you so much. I know it is all for selfish reasons but I will miss you just the same. I know that you are happy. I know that you are so so so happy where you are. I hope that you miss us a little bit though… but I still know you are happy. And knowing that brings me so much peace that it makes this almost bearable. Almost.

I love you. I love you I love you I love you.

Love, Megan



i know that God lives and speaks through His modern-day prophets and apostles.
you can hear from His modern-day leaders speak at General Conference and be uplifted & inspired.
they speak to all of us, not just members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and tell us what God would have us do.
if you would like hear more, please visit here.

what I'm doing now

listening to some amazing, and truly inspired, men & women. 

love General Conference weekend!
come listen to a prophet's voice.

Meet Kelly from Exceptionalistic

i have loved getting to know Kelly these last couple of months! 
Kelly is always uplifting, encouraging, understanding, and supportive. 
she is there for you when you just need someone to get you
from the very first tweet i received from her, i knew we were going to be great friends! :)

i'm excited to introduce her to all of you and hope you enjoy getting to know her a little better as much as i have! 


1. How would your friends describe you?
Trustworthy, faithful, sarcastic

2. What is the biggest lesson you've learned about living a happy life?
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks! It can take a lot of mental energy to try to please everyone

3. How did you start your blog & shop and why?
I started my blog on a whim. One night I just decided to do it. Of course now (almost 6 months later) I feel obligated to those that follow me. Oh, and I love it!

4. What inspires you?
My kids inspire me a lot. I always strive to be the best mom I can!

5. What would your totem-pole animal spirit be? 
I don't know what this means but my favorite animal is the dragonfly!

Kelly silly

6. What are some of your favorite items in your blog posts and why? 
B = Broken, L = Life I chose these two because it's me. Unedited, open and real. I also choose G = Green because it's fun, fun, fun!

7. How do you define success?
I define success as being who you are while doing what you love. You can make a lot of money doing a lot of things but that doesn't make you successful.

8. What advice would you give to new shop owners/bloggers? What did you wish you knew when you first started? 
Make friends! It will keep you around when things get tough. The friendships are worth all the time and effort.

9. What is a talent you have that you wish you used more?
Writing. I'm working on it somewhat with this blog but I really want to finish the book I'm working on.

10. What are your goals for the future {long and short}? Do you have anything you want to change?
A short term goal is to create a fun atmosphere on the blog for all of the lovelies that follow along. As for long term, I'd like to finish my book and also run a thriving photography business.


she’s wonderful right??
i loved her answers especially that success is “being who are doing what you love.”
i love Kelly and i hope you have grown to love her a little more too!

be sure to follow Kelly online to get to know her better:

blog | facebook | twitter | pinterest | google+ | bloglovin’


photo (17)

i just finished reading “Matched” by Ally Condie for my next BlogHer Book Club book.
the whole idea of the book was very intriguing to say the least.

“Matched” is about a 17-year-old girl named Cassia who lives at a time when Society and its Officials are the ones who make the choices for everyone’s lives.
they decide what you eat.
they decide what you wear.
they decide where you work.
they decide where you live.
they decide who you marry. 
and they decide when you die.
they do all this in the name of science and statistics, saying they know what’s best because they have the hard facts to prove what will provide the best outcomes for others’ lives.
{no emotions allowed}

the book starts off at the “matching banquet” where Cassia is to find out who she will be matched with and spend the rest of her life [until she is 80, actually] with.
in a very rare, almost improbable, circumstance she ends up being matched with her childhood best friend, Xander.
however, things get interesting when she goes to look at her microcard with information on Xander and the courting guidelines and instead of Xander’s face, another person’s face shows up. and she happens to know have grown up  with him too.

the book is definitely a page turner.
the whole Society that Condie created seems highly unlikely that our world could ever come to such a crazy situation.
and yet at the same time i saw many parallels to our own society at times.

the whole book begs the question:
“is a life without choice, yet still yields a productive life, really a happy & fulfilling life?”

the book is very Hunger Games-esque i felt.
it brought up some interesting ideas that really make you think.
like, am i happy with my own choices?
or if given the opportunity to live in a world free of heartbreak & disease, would i give up my right to choose?
would i be brave enough to break away from society?

though i'm not totally infatuated with the book, i still like it and really want to read the sequels.
i think it is a good, interesting read and would still recommend it to others, especially if these kind of questions & ideas interest you.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own

digging the hole

photo (1) photo (3)
[crappy but cute picture of E-rock]

one of the best things seeing a counselor has done for me has been making me aware of when i start to spiral down my hole.
i can see the signs more clearer,
and i have the hope that i can shake it off easier instead of succumbing to the fog.

when i start to dig that hole back to the dark place i:
don’t eat [just make food for Eli],
sleep all day,
am tired even after sleeping all day,
very quick to react & get upset after {even just semi} bad days,
excuse away outside activities,
let the loads of to-dos pile on me,
and all around feel sorry for everything and anything

i’m a mess.
i’m a big emotional mess.
and a lot of times it feels like i can’t do much about it.
it just becomes too overwhelming.

after moving and Adam started school, i felt myself going down this road
i was constantly frustrated with Elijah.
even after sleeping soundly through the night, i would still doze on the couch while Eli watched cartoons, take a nap when he took a nap, take another mini-nap after dinner, and still go to bed regularly.
i wasn’t taking care of myself or trying to be productive.
i didn’t want to go anywhere during the day until Adam came home.
i don’t really remember making any meals.
i just felt like i was carrying a heavy load all the time.
and felt so sad even though things really were not that bad around me.

this started going on for over a week until i realized what was happening.
i could feel myself falling into the pit and realized i needed to fight it instead of give in to it all over again.
that is one thing counseling helped me with; it gave me the right tools and vocabulary to know how to overcome these i-just-want-to-shut-the-world-out feelings.

now once i start feeling consumed by everything i have a simple game plan to help me: 
:: i take a shower, put on make-up, and actually get dressed cute for the day.
{not to say that anytime i stay in sweats means i'm having a bad day. this just helps on the real bad days}
:: i try hard to make a real meal for Elijah and myself.
:: i get out of the house; we either walk around outside or go to the store.
{which can actually be a terrible experience but i have high hopes each time}
:: i try to make a plan for the day and stick to it, even if it’s as simple as:
1. wake up
2. play with Elijah
3. run errands
4. make dinner
5. go to bed
:: i try to make simple, realistic goals for myself that i know i can get done and feel accomplished.

even just doing these {seemingly} little things makes a world of difference!

i'm grateful for the knowledge and awareness i now have to live a happier, healthier life,
for myself & my family.
it definitely helps make the days seem brighter.


i am sure i'm not the only one that gets feelings like this at times
[having gone to counseling or not].
i'm sure i'm not completely alone.  
so that’s why i share these experiences in hopes that we can all support one another and that it can help even one other person that may be going through the same thing.

new sponsor swaps

chubby superman
[doesn’t have to do with this post. but oh my gosh look how cute and chubby Eli is!!]

i decided to make some changes to sponsorships {again}.
i have thought about it a lot and in an attempt to make my blog feel more organic and get back to my roots with blogging.
i feel like this will help me get out of the blogging rut i have been feeling lately.
as selfish as it may sound, i want to try and focus on my original dreams & desires for my blog and work hard to bring those back out to the forefront of my blog.

and in addition to all that, i have come to the realization that i am having a hard time keeping up.
with Adam’s schedule and Elijah’s never-ending energy it is hard to do everything.
so i know i need to adjust some things.

i absolutely LOVE working with sponsors & helping promote their businesses.
it is really fun for me and i especially love the relationships that develop.
i still want to work with others but am just changing up how i do it so that sponsor posts and giveaways aren’t the bulk of my blog posts.

so starting this month i will only be doing 200x100 ad swaps.
as of right now it will only include sidebar ad space and i won’t be doing group giveaways or spotlights. that may change in the future but at least for October it will be just the ad space.

i also will be switching up sponsors each month! 
i want to give more people the opportunity to swap if they want without having to spread myself too thin and keep my blog simplified.
now, sponsor spots will only last 30 days and cannot be for consecutive months.
for example, if we swap in October then the ad can’t be renewed until December.

the new sponsor spots are first come, first serve.
so if you are interested be sure to email me for the swap code.
i'd love to have you!!

i'm excited for these new changes cause i really feel like it will help me feel like myself again in this funny, blogging world.
i hope they don’t offend anyone & you can all understand my decision.

thanks for everything you all do for me!! :)

the nerve of dirty socks


i think it’s safe to say we all have pet peeves.
those {teeny, tiny} things that just!
no matter how small they are, it can become a huge deal really fast.

when Adam and i first got married we would get frustrated over the littlest things.
i hated that he would leave his socks on the floor.
he hated that I would not turn my shirt right side out when doing laundry.
i hated that he wouldn’t put the new toilet paper roll on the holder. ever.
he hated how i folded shirts.
i'm sure the list can go on…

the funny thing is after being married 3 1/2 years almost none of this has changed.
i still {almost all the time} keep my clothes inside out when i put them in the laundry.
Adam still leaves his socks out instead of putting them in the basket.
i still fold weird according to Adam {but have learned to fold his way when i fold his shirts}
and Adam still doesn’t put the toilet paper back on the holder when it runs out.

but even though these pet peeves are definitely still there
[and more have come up! don’t even get me started on loading the dishes…]
we have learned to overlook a lot of those tiny flaws and focus on the bigger picture.

because in the grand scheme of things,
those little things are not worth a big fight over.

i am not the most punctual person and it bugs Adam to the core.
he hates being late and now he’s eternally stuck with a notoriously late person.
one Sunday after running late for church for the 4th time, i apologized to Adam since i knew he was probably seething inside.
he just turned to me and said, “i really am not mad. it’s just not worth getting upset over anymore. i can learn to be okay with it.”

i was really grateful for the lesson Adam taught me about letting things go.
it really isn’t worth holding on to pet peeves or grudges in a marriage.
[or any situation]
and because Adam showed me love & understanding instead of frustration & annoyance,
i have actually tried harder to overcome my bad habits that bother him.

i'm grateful for a husband that is incredibly patient with me through my many flaws.
i know every day is not easy and we can easily get on each other’s nerves,
but i'm grateful to have someone by my side that can help overlook the weird, annoying things i do for the sake of the
greater good.