megan camille: guest post

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Marriage & Babies

While I try to get back into a routine after having Baby Anneli {and deal with mastitis... so fun...} I have some really amazing friends who will be helping out with the blog. Be sure to check out their blogs and show them a little love for doing this big favor for me.
Today, Alexis from Alexis Laughs is sharing her very real and uplifting story of how life after baby isn't always a fairy tale. Having dealt with my own post-partum depression and hormone-induced relationship struggles after Elijah was born, I can relate to much of this post and really appreciate when people talk openly about their own experiences. I think that, having personally experienced this or not, this post is powerful for all people to read to help them understand what their friends and loved ones might be going through.
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I had heard a lot of people talk about having their first baby really strengthened their relationship with their spouse. Since my husband and I had a pretty fantastic relationship to begin with, I was excited for this aspect of having our first child.

See, aren't we so cute!

Just about everything about the process of bringing our sweet girl into this world did not go as planned.

(this was after she was born and after they had stitched me up and all that jazz. I was in so much pain I could not even move my arms to hold her. It's not a pretty picture, but reality isn't always pretty people!)

I had a very difficult pregnancy, a traumatic delivery, and postpartum recovery wasn't so hot either. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression at my six week check up with my doctor. In addition to all of that stress, I had a family emergency going on and Clint was in his last semester of school; he was trying to balance work, school, internship, senior design project (he's an engineer), church responsibilities, family responsibilities, etc.

As a result, he wasn't around as much as we both would have liked.

I grew to resent him, maybe in part because in the midst of all those sleepless nights I could hear him snoring!

With everything going on, I felt so alone.

Borderline: Having our first baby didn't strengthen our marriage.

It made it a lot, a lot, a lot harder!

I don't tell you this to scare you, but to prepare what reality is for so many people! Not a lot of people talk about things like this because they're difficult, but that's why it's so important to talk about them. Don't you find so much comfort knowing you're not the only one who struggles with something? It's very typical to have some turmoil between spouses, especially in those first few months following the birth of a child. But it's normal. It happens. It's part of life. I have a friend who says that her and her husband are both prepared that the first three-ish months post-baby will probably not be harmonious between them. I think it's so smart to plan. When you're prepared for that, you approach the situation differently because you know it can be temporary.

Hormones were a huge contributor to the difficulty in my marriage. Another big thing that's important to recognize is that the kind love for your child and love for your husband aren't the same. They don't come in the same way. It's a whole different package. The love you have for your child is instant and comes naturally. They are a piece of you. I remember just staring at my daughter and sobbing because I didn't know what to do with such strong feelings of love! You have instincts to love and protect your children. It's easy to shift our love to our child, or focus more on our child than on our marriage.

However, I've learned in these last eighteen months of being a mother that loving my husband and being quick to forgive him is one of the best things I can do for my child. She deserves to be brought up in a kind, loving home with parents who show her a good example of the blessing of marriage. I want her to feel that her home is a sanctuary and not a place of tension. It's hard, but it's attainable.

Having our first baby didn't make our marriage into a fairy tale. It made it a whole lot more work; but you know what? We made it! And we are all better because of it. Our relationship is stronger, our love is deeper.

So, if you have your first baby and you think your marriage is going to hell in a hand basket, hang in there. With the appropriate amount of love, respect, and forgiveness, it can be all kinds of amazing.

Blink

While I get some rest after having Baby Anneli and try to gather my thoughts for the birth story, I have some really amazing friends who will be helping out with the blog. Be sure to check out their blogs and show them a little love for doing this big favor for me.
Today, Jenna from Mom, the Intern is sharing her beautiful words & inspiration today. This post made me cry, a lot. It could be post-partum hormones. But also her words & message hit me so hard especially in this sleepy newborn phase. It is hard to appreciate these moments yet these are the moments that I know I will miss & crave the most once my babies are grown.
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I hear Clara over the baby monitor, cooing and sucking her hand. She’s awake. I open my eyes and look over at the clock – 5:40 in the morning. She slept through the night, I think happily. My husband Dillon has already left the bed to get ready for work, the form of his head still pressed into his pillow.

I go into the nursery to retrieve her for her first feeding of the day. She is wiggling and delightedly looking at the ceiling fan while gnawing on her pudgy hand, apparently staving off the hunger of seven hours without milk. She lights up when she finally sees me. Breakfast has arrived. I pick her up, kiss her little forehead and snuggle her on my shoulder as we make the journey back to the bed.

I sit on the mattress, lift my shirt and offer my breast – Clara takes it without a second thought, so desperate to quench her thirst. I am desperate too, though, for relief. It has been a long night and I’m quite full. As she calms down to eat, I recline back onto the pillow, her sweet head resting in the crook of my arm. She closes her eyes and drinks deeply. Her little body fits perfectly against my soft abdomen and shapely hip, just like two puzzle pieces. I feel my eyes getting heavy too, willing me to return back to sleep. Her warmth is so comforting. I kiss her head again and breathe in its perfect scent. I catch her grinning slightly before I drift back to Dreamland.

***

About a half hour later, I wake again to the sound of my preschooler Carson shutting his bedroom door down the hall. I hear him dragging his blanket against the carpet as he approaches my room. I crack my eyes slightly to see his towhead bobbing along in the bedroom. He exerts great effort to haul his large, fluffy blanket and at least four stuffed “guys” around. He throws them all onto Dillon’s side of the bed and hoists himself up.

“I want to cuddle with you, Mom,” he says, crawling toward Dillon’s pillow. He snuggles up next to Clara and me and sucks his thumb. Not long ago, he was the one I nursed in bed during the early hours of the morning. Like his little sister, his plump body once fit against mine so perfectly. He sucked and sucked until he was full, and then he fell right to sleep next to me, a fat Butterball breathing slowly and steadily. Now, he is long and lean, his soft cheeks the only evidence of his former babyhood. His cuddling is short-lived as he restlessly flops around in the bed, clearly ready to play. He used to be so still as he snuggled up with me. Now, he only wants to move.

***

Final wake-up call. My 6-year-old daughter Audrey is up now, standing by my head. The clock says 7:38. “We’re late for breakfast,” she says, ever the taskmaster. Her long blonde tresses are slightly mussed and wavy from going to bed with damp hair. She holds a stuffed pug in her arms against her hot pink nightgown. I briefly remember when she, too, was a baby sleeping in my arms. Looking at her bony, long limbs and the adult-like impatience etched into her face, it’s hard to believe it ever happened, but I have the pictures to prove it. I can see her now: her perfect bald head against my shoulder, her chubby cheeks completely relaxed, her fat arms dangling by my side. My fluffy motherly figure provided the cushion for her comfort. It was just yesterday, I swear.

I remember those early days of Audrey’s life when in an exhausted haze, I wondered how women went on to have more babies after the first. How could they find the energy and time when one baby sucked it all out of them? How did they not die from being deprived of so much sleep? Those thoughts were shortsighted of me. Of course, no child stays a baby forever. And sometimes, that fact is sad to us. But it’s also the entire point of parenthood: create a child and help it grow. They do get bigger. They eventually start talking and walking on their own. They start eating the same foods you do and can even help prepare them. They go to school, buckle their own seatbelts, get their own drink of water, take their own showers and draw pictures of things they came up with all on their own.

And mothers … we change, too. We become more patient. We relax a little. We don’t let a little spit-up or a tantrum bother us anymore. We figure out how to live on less – less money, less sleep, less attention to yourself. We start to see the forest for the trees and know the sleepless newborn phase will not last forever (even though it still feels eternal, even on the third kid). But that first time … nothing can adequately prepare you for what it’s like for a tiny human to be solely dependent on you and no one else. It’s emotional, it’s exhausting, it’s challenging, it’s humbling. Oh so humbling. But let’s not forget – it’s rewarding, too, as difficult experiences tend to be.

So if you’re about to embark on the journey of motherhood, beware: it moves fast. Faster than you want it to sometimes. Take pictures. Keep a journal. Change your baby’s outfit frequently because believe it or not, she may outgrow some of them before she ever wears them. (True story.)

And don’t be in such a hurry to return to the Land of the Living after your baby comes. Sleep, relax, snuggle, enjoy. Watch and wonder about how your baby’s appearance can literally change from one morning to the next. When she falls asleep in your arms, lay back and sleep along with her. Cherish the sweet moments and savor them. They are like elusive hummingbirds -- hovering, fleeting, then gone.

Basically, whatever you do, just don’t blink.

5 Tips for Transitioning to Motherhood

The moment I became a mother is and will be the greatest accomplishment I've ever made. It was insanely scary, yet made me feel incredibly whole.

I remember staring down at Luke and thinking, "I can't believe this perfect, tiny human is mine!"

Not even two years later, I stared down for the second time at Wes and again thought, "I can't believe this perfect, tiny human is mine!"

Motherhood is also by far the hardest thing I have ever done and probably will do. It's an eternal role and refines even the most patient and well-organized women (of which I am neither). That being said, I have learned some important life lessons in the two short years I earned my mom badge. Here are some of my tips in making the transition to becoming a mama:

1. Get on a routine. Babies love routines, and it makes life much more predictable and happy for everyone, especially when things feel overwhelming and like a whirlwind is ensuing (which is, like, always). Try to feed on a regular schedule, do baths at a specific time every day, and try to get naps down to a schedule, too. You will probably even find that your little one works into a schedule all on their own. With that being said, realize that the schedule is not really going to happen until they are 6 weeks or older. Their days and nights will be backward, and there is no use in fighting it, so in the meantime just do what feels right. Before you know it, they will be eating and sleeping like clockwork (hopefully!).

2. Don't try to hide your emotions. Postpartum hormones are real and will make you feel all sorts of things you may have never experienced. One moment you are all sunshine and rainbows, and the next a raincloud is following you wherever you slump around. Your body will feel weird. Learning to feed a baby might be challenging. You will be exhausted. You may even deal with some postpartum depression. Find comfort in that fact that you are not alone. Talk to your spouse, partner, family, or doctor about it so you can get the help you need.

3. Let others help you. Right after having a baby is not the time to play Supermom. Trust me on this one. Let your family and friends pamper you and don't feel guilty! Those dishes in the sink and piles of laundry staring you in the face will still be there in a few weeks, but guess what won't be? Those teeny fingers, wrinkles, yawns, goofy faces and coos that are exclusive to newborns. They can only curl up and sleep on your chest for so long, so let those snuggles and precious time take priority. (Last time I checked, a vacuum isn't very cuddly.)

4. Write down the details. I should be taking my own advice on this one. Those first time moments you tell yourself you will never forget? You will. It's called mom brain, which you probably think is a thing of legend. It is real, my friend! You will not remember every little first, so get a cute journal and write down those darling details! You and your children will appreciate it.

5. Take time for yourself. Whether it's just going for a walk or going out for a fabulous spa treatment, you will feel so much better. There is a reason they say, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Mothers somehow set the tone for the household and its inhabitants, and alone time is the essential elixir to maintain that happy, well-balanced mama. And again, don't feel guilty about it!

Be sure to stop by my blog for more thoughts on motherhood and life! You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter!

Megan, congratulations to you and your now family of four! You're such a wonderful mother, woman, and friend, and I wish you all of the happiness and joy life has to offer at this precious moment in your life. XO!

Upcycled Color Matching Game

While I get some rest after having Baby Anneli and try to gather my thoughts for the birth story, I have some really amazing friends who will be helping out with the blog. Be sure to check out their blogs and show them a little love for doing this big favor for me. And I will be back soon with all the details of Anneli Mae's eventful arrival :)
Today Aubrey from Dreaming About Someday is sharing a really easy and fun activity you can make with your kids to help teach them color matching. Elijah loves little games like this so this is definitely something we will be using in the future. --------------------------------------------------------------- i'm aubrey from dreaming about someday. i met megan in real life before we became blog friends at a church craft activity. the first time we met we upcycled men's ties into necklaces.

i wish i had a picture with megan, but sadly i only have the necklaces.
in keeping with the craft theme of upcycle and to help with summertime boredom, i'm sharing an upcycled craft for kids.

i absolutely 100% did not come up with this idea on my own. a friend gave me the idea a few years ago. i'm sure i could look it up on pinterest, but i came up with pretty easy instructions.

supplies

pringles can

hot glue

butcher paper (or some other paper to cover the can)

tape (i used washi tape)

hole puncher

reinforcement labels (ya know...the kind you used in 6th grade when you tore the holes in your papers)

markers

pipe cleaners

1. cut paper to cover pringles can

2. cover can completely

3. use a little hot glue (or glue stick if you like that stuff) on the inside paper to glue it to the can and also glue the paper to the paper so it stays in place

4. secure the paper with some tape. i like this fun washi tape found at wal mart of all places

5. punch holes in the lid of the pringles can. i did 3.

6. color reinforcements with marker

7. put reinforcements around holes in lid

8. match pipe cleaners to the holes

finished product

if you want pipe cleaners to go all the way in the can, trim the tops off. they cut easily with regular scissors

this was so easy to make. it could be quickly done during nap time or even with the help of your little tykes. i might add a kid's name to the other side of the can to make it more personalized. let me know if you make it.

I am still a mother

My good friend wrote an amazing post today in response to National Infertility Awareness Week that was April 20th-26th. Though that week has passed, her message is still one that I think is inspiring especially this week leading up to Mother's Day.

Her story is a different one than you may be used to hearing because unlike going through the trial of infertility with a spouse, she is a single young woman who found out at a young age after many surgeries that she may never have biological children of her own. To find out that your hopes of becoming a mother were dashed when you never even had a chance is heartbreaking. But my friend is incredible and her message is one that I think we can all appreciate and relate to; that we are all mothers, no matter our circumstances. We can be a powerful woman influence in the lives of those around us. I'm so incredibly grateful to have my friend write for me today and think her story is beautiful and powerful. I hope you take the time to read her words and be inspired as much as I have been.

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In Celebration of National Infertility Week…wait..Celebration?

I'm that girl who can put any baby to sleep. I follow children around as if they are pots of gold. Children have always been “my thing”. Babysitting- check. Nursery leader- check. Sunbeam Teacher- check. Nanny of 4 – check. Since a young age, I dreamed of my own children. I laid out my life as if I was truly the one in charge. I knew every detail of my wedding, the names of my four children, where we would live, what characteristics of mine they would have, etc. etc. etc. I would be the super mom and they would be super kids. Curing cancer, winning championships, defending the lonely kids…they would do it all. I knew I was cut out for this parenting thing.

At 17 years old, I had a series of doctor appointments. Lots of experimental medications. Lots of blood draws. And one minor surgery. And one TERRIBLE day. It was a Sunday night at 5:38 p.m. and my mom told me Dr. Jane Doe said I would never be able to bear children.

A couple weeks go by from my surgery and a beautiful tragedy happened. Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans, Louisiana. My town set up a shelter for the thousands of people who were now without homes or any physical belongings. I ditched school to go check it out. It was love at first sight. There was a little 6 year-old boy named Jakeem. He thought I was his girlfriend…I may have been okay with that. I spent every day with four children whose parents were going through HELL. While chatting with an old lady about my tragic news, she replied, "Well sweetie, we all gots to go through something and it seems like God may have just another plan for you". Umm..Thanks??? This is only the worst news ever. But moments later those sweet babies ran up to me. And that's when I knew. My ability to be a mother was never dependent on that stupid uterus and its ability (or inability) to actually work. My ability to be a mother is the most sacred of all callings. It couldn't be stopped by some technical difficulty.

As I was thinking of what to write I knew I wanted to tell my story, though I was unsure of what part. I've seen several articles on Twitter this week. “How to talk about infertility”, “On the kinds of infertility”, “On a state- by-state comparison for treatment”, “On the myths of infertility”…(for those who still believe that hot tubs are the cause)

So I just want to be raw. One of the reasons I adamantly follow Megan’s blog is due to her complete honesty. So here it is: the naked truth about infertility.

First of all, being at BYU was probably the hardest university I could have chosen if I was seeking to avoid my feelings about my predicament.

I suffered through some of those inevitable dumb moments that make you shake your head (sometimes your fist) and mostly just cry in a dark and empty corner. Those moments where a friend says "well at least you won't know the pain of pregnancy.” (Though, to date, I have had six surgeries and one lasting 14 days so I'm pretty sure I'm acclimated with pain) Or the moment you watch all your best friends have babies and feel selfish for having that one ounce of jealousy. Or the moment that your boyfriend finds out your body is broken. Or the moment someone at a summer church activity asks you if the scars on your stomach are from an abortion. (I mean, given this dude was a complete moron, but ouch!). Or the moment you lose your sculpted abs and get 9 ugly scars with no sweet baby to prove the worth of it all. Or the moment where a sacrament talk compares childbirth to the Atonement. Or those million moments of loneliness.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

Here's where I went next. The wisest counsel was given by my therapist. Who would have thought?! I would tell people I had made peace with my situation, but my actions showed otherwise. She asked if I ever yelled at God about it. Seeing as she and I were both LDS I was shocked. I immediately thought, “Men are that they might have joy. I will have joy. I will be grateful. I don’t get angry. I would never question God.” She insisted I show some kind of emotion. So I did. It happened to be at a time right before surgery number 5, which was a horrible, miserable, depressing one. So I got mad. I raised my voice at God. I cried. I sobbed. I struggled and wrestled more than ever before. He listened. He is completely okay with the struggle. My complete mourning was met by a Savior who understood more than I can ever say. He can take it folks. He is strong. Our frustrations are okay by Him as long as we are struggling WITH Him by our side. He wants to provide the answers. He did indeed create us. He did indeed know that some of us would go through life with this specific pain. This means He also chose to go through it. He knows that feeling as you sit nervously in a doctor’s office. He knows the feeling of the shots. Of the complete lack of privacy. Of the 25+ exams. Of the anxiety before test results. Of the failed pregnancy tests. Of the miscarriages. Of the physically excruciating pain. He knows all of those feelings.

I don’t think I need to write what to say or what not to say. We don’t need another article on the myths. I think we all should realize that in the midst of whatever pain we have He can take it. He is outside of human weakness. He is complete love. So He gets it. Let Him get it. Let's all remember to treat others the way we would want to be treated. You never know what your neighbor is going through. It’s hard to see the pain behind the smile. There is a lot of pain in this world and there is no need for us to be jabbing one another with unkindness, whether it be gossip or judgment or cunning words. Be patient with those around you, and more so, with yourself.

Lastly, I will briefly touch on identity. This was the hardest and continues to be the most trying of all. Who am I? Who am I if I don't have my own children? Who am I if the children I adopt have adaptation issues? Who am I if my husband snaps at me about how this is my fault? Who am I if my children say the dreaded “I wish I had my real mom”? Who am I if I never have children at all?

I have a really long list of things to do in this life. I am 100% sure being a mother is on that list. Being a mother is an eternal calling without earthly limitations. I can nurture. I can teach. I can love in a way only He loves. I can mourn. I can comfort. I can lead. I can watch. I can listen. I can show. I can teach my step-sister how to cook. I can read a book to the boy next door. I can get on the ground and play with the screaming kid in line at the store. I can prepare beautiful meals for my friends. I can have a really strong shoulder to cry on for when my roommate is dumped. I can pray for my niece and nephew and love them with a love that is larger than life. I can preach to young girls and mature women everywhere that beauty is not a number on a scale. I can teach my friends about Jesus Christ.

I still daydream about my family, but they are not picture perfect anymore. I still picture four kids. They don't look like me. In fact, they are from four different countries. They don't always sit still in church because my oldest son has drugs in his body from his biological mom. My daughter has messy hair from rocking herself to sleep because she had another nightmare from her traumatic six months in an orphanage. My two year old was asked why he has darker skin than his mommy. He doesn't understand. And finally, my baby won't stop crying because she doesn't digest my fake breast milk well. But I know I love them. I haven't met them but I know who they are. They are mine. We were best friends in Heaven and I couldn't wait to spend time with them on Earth no matter how rocky the road to find them. I am grateful God has trusted me to love without bounds. I know He knows me because He knows that love is my thing. So this obstacle which sometimes feels like literal Hell is actually God’s way of saying "hey I know you. You're mine. And together we will work mighty miracles. Through the power of love."

You see, I can be a mother. Because I already am.

things that matter most

over the last couple of years of blogging i have met some pretty amazing people who have become very dear friends. Elizabeth is one of those people that i know came into my life for a reason and who i don't know what i'd do without. she is so fun to talk to, has the best advice, and is always there to lend a helping hand or give lots of support. we have talked about everything and anything and i love it all. i truly look up to her as a woman, wife, mother, and friend. i hope you take the time today to get to know Elizabeth a little bit better and find a good friend in her.

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It's no secret that millions of people around the world are struggling in unprecedented numbers and in ways many of us have never predicted before. In the US alone, more than 45 million people are living in poverty and 1 in 4 children is struggling with hunger. As a Mother and someone that has also struggled, these numbers crush me and make me feel helpless and scared, and seeing the dark changes unfolding in our world have made me become cynical.

However, at the same time my own personal struggles and path caused me to awaken in ways I had never imaged before. I have greater understanding of what others are going through. I feel an increased need to lead rather than follow. I question things more than I used to. And I feel determined to help as many people as I can in this lifetime and to teach my children that if we emulate Jesus' teachings we can truly transform this planet.

My ups and downs caused me to become spiritual whereas before I was a sort of atheist in denial. I called myself spiritual but in reality I wasn't at all. But when my heart needed comfort and faith, I found myself connecting with like minded moms ( like Megan!) who were praying and seeking solace in God. Many of my good friends who were once religious followed the same path that I did and eventually lost their faith and became cynical. And yet years later, like me they are contemplating Jesus' message to our world and how he embodied peace and kindness.

Is this not what we need to do? Was He not revolutionary? Did He not see the problems that faced mankind and instead of turning a blind eye, He stayed focused on Heavenly Father and His heart touched the lives of many, even now. He is the perfect example of how we can all stay hopeful and motivated to do good, even when times are hard. He built a community of like minded people devoted to peace. We can do that too both in our local communities as well as online. If we use the internet to unite us despite our differences we can make huge shifts in the world. We can learn from each other and grow.

I cannot express how grateful I am to the bloggers I have connected with and that have helped motivate me to become more prayerful and Christ centered. It has made such a change in how I face my own demons and how I choose to view the world.

blog / facebook / instagram

today, Elizabeth is being so generous to giveaway two months of free large ad space on her blog.

[enter with Rafflecopter below]

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fashion flirtation

i'm so grateful to Victoria for guest posting for me today while i'm away at Girl's Camp. she has a must-see fashion blog full of beautiful outfits and great bargains.
[my kind of gal!] i have absolutely loved getting to know her and am trying to work up the courage to ask her to go shopping with me so i can look like her ;) i hope you enjoy learning more about Victoria today and be sure to head on over to her blog to see her impeccable fashion sense in action! ----------------------------------------------
Hi guys! I'm Victoria from Fashion Flirtation and I am so excited to be doing a guest post on Megan's blog today! She is so cute, and I love everything on her blog--from the posts about her adorable son to her fashion posts!

[Outfit details HERE.]

I am 20 years old, currently based in Gilbert, Arizona, and recently celebrated 6 months with the love of my life. I have always had a passion for fashion, and I've been reading fashion blogs for a very long time. But a common factor I seem to find in each blog is that the clothing they wear is always so expensive. I decided to start a fashion blog to show women that you can be fashionable without spending a fortune. Most of my clothing and accessories come from affordable places like Target, Old Navy, and Forever 21. I want women to know that looking amazing has nothing to do with how much you spend. I love finding great deals just as much as I love looking good, and that is what my blog is all about!

[Outfit details HERE.]

Thank you all for reading, and a huge thank you to Megan for letting me guest post today! I'd love for you all to follow along with my fashion journey! BlogLovin: HERE Facebook: HERE Instagram: @victoriafarnsworth Twitter: @brewer_victoria xoxo,

how to be a person of influence

Brooklyn is one of the cutest, nicest, coolest girls around! and i love what she has to say in her post today. i think this is such an important concept that i think gets forgotten a lot. i know i forget it a lot. i hope you enjoy Brooklyn's post and it helps you find your own strength and individual worth!

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Hey you awesome people you! I am Brooklyn and I blog over at This Little Blonde.

I have a quote hanging on the wall in my room that says, "You will never influence the world by trying to be like it."

I absolutely love how that quote changes my thinking. We live in a world where we are encouraged to "blend in." We try and fit in, and we try to be one of the crowd.

The last thing this world needs is one more person that is keeping his or her mouth closed about the things they care about. The world doesn't need more celebrities, it needs people who consistently do good. The world needs more people who put others first. The world needs more people of influence. So I have come up with a list of 3 simple ways to become a person of influence.

1. Seek to be worth knowing rather than to be well-known

I remember hearing this quote a few weeks back and I honestly can't get it out of my head. Be that person that is so nice, and so silly and so helpful that people can't help but like you. Your character will say more than your reputation ever will. In the blogging world, use social media to connect with your readers. Don't be a blog lurker! Comment away! People love to know that you are reading and thinking about their blog. That makes you someone worth knowing, because you are someone who cares.

2. Work WITHIN your own sphere of influence

When I dream, I dream big. I don't just want my mom to read my blog posts, I want the president of the fricken United States to read my blog post. But to be honest, that will probably never happen. I try to really focus on my audience. Who can I influence? My roommates, my family, my boyfriend, my readers, my coworkers, etc. So how can I personally change so that my influence on them is a positive one? You don't have to write a letter to the government that will change ObamaCare for the better, but you can leave a note for a roommate wishing them good luck on their test the next day. Maybe you can't get a big blogger to tweet you back, but you can tweet back a new friend that asked you a question.

3. Find your strengths, and use them

I am NOT good at sports. But I am a GREAT cheerleader. I am not a good artist, but I'm a decent writer. You need to do what YOU are good at. Not what any other blogger is good at. I can look at every person in my life and find something to be envious of, but instead I try to focus on the things I am good at, things I like about myself. When you are comfortable in your own skin you are more worried about others than you are about yourself. Write about things you love. People will notice.

What are your ideas on becoming a person of influence?

Come visit me?

today Brooklyn is also generously giving away two months of free ad space on her blog.

($20 value)

enter with Rafflecopter below

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::: and the winner of the New Trent ChargePak Giveaway is Steph Coupns!!

and the winner of the May Group Giveaway is Heather Paulding!!

CONGRATULATIONS ladies!! i will be contacting you soon :)

how StrongerMarriage.org helped a marriage + a giveaway {closed}

i have known Laura for a while in the blogging community and always knew what an awesome person she was and talented. i have enjoyed reading her blog and hearing her stories. so when i got the chance to work with her more one-on-one i was really excited to get to know her better. and of course, she has totally blown me away by her kindness, generosity, and honesty.

when i read the following guest post, i got completely emotional. first of all, i'm so incredibly grateful to her for what she wrote and for willingness to share her story. and second, i think her post is so important because most people deal with conflict and arguments in marriage than they would like to admit. it seems too taboo to ever say we don't like our spouses sometimes. but the truth is that happens to the best of us and there are great tools out there to help us get through the tough times.

i hope you enjoy Laura's post and it can help you have a happier marriage as well!

{and be sure to check out the great giveaway at the end! :)}

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I've never told Megan this, but she really helped my marriage.

If you know Simon and I, you would know we are pretty tight. We do almost everything together, we laugh at each other's jokes, we seem to have almost identical life goals, and I count myself incredibly blessed every day to have married someone I am so in tune with. So from the outside, it could never have looked like our marriage needed any help at all.

But it did. Simon and I would get on great, apart from when we fought. When we fought, we fought dirty. And I would get angrier and angrier and Simon got more and more defensive, until a huge wall of silence crashed down beneath us. We would go to bed, backs turned on each other, and I would lay there seething whilst he snored softly. And the next day we would paper over the cracks we had made in our marriage the night before and carry on as if everything was okay.

This would happen every three or so months. Words that should never be used in a "loving" argument were used. Doors were slammed. Until one night I ran out of the room and I lay on my bed and I sobbed and sobbed. It felt like we just kept hitting the same brick wall again and again. And randomly, Megan popped into my head.

Now that's a bit weird, I know. But suddenly I remembered that last year she had blogged for a site called strongermarriage.org - and I had liked what she had had to say. A lot. And I thought, maybe if I looked on that website, I could find some of the answers to this problem that had somehow, along the way, turned into a something that seemed insurmountable.

I looked at Stronger Marriage and I realised it wasn't just us (which was a relief!). Other people had the same problems and they had written extensively on what to do when you felt angry with your spouse. So I read this article and I sat down with Simon and we made an agreement, on how we would argue (sounds funny, but true!). We based it on this acronym:

A is for admitting your anger to your spouse.
R is the desire to restrain your anger and not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling.
E stands for explaining in a very calm manner why you are angry.
A stands for action planning or doing something about the cause of the anger.

Now, our marriage is so much happier. Not perfect, but happier. There has been much less standing up and yelling, but more sitting down and talking. No more insurmountable issues because we sit down and action plan what to do next when one of us is unhappy. And progress has been slow, and we've taken a few steps backwards at times, but I really believe that through all of this, we are making a strong, lasting marriage.

So thank you, Megan, for pointing to a great marriage resource. And thank you, strongermarriage.org for providing one.

If you managed to get through that essay, well done! As a prize I am giving away one free custom blog design from my Etsy shop, and for all other readers 10% off with the code "HERESTOYOUMRSR".

{Enter giveaway with Rafflecopter below}

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Not So Ordinary Designs

i'm very excited to introduce today's guest poster. Melissa from The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife has been a great blogging friend of mine for some time now and i have loved getting to know her. she is incredibly talented {in many areas!} including being a wonderful graphic designer. she will be talking about her new business venture today and i hope you all take the time to check out her awesome website. she is definitely a great person to know for your next design project!

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Hello Everyone! I am Melissa from The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife and I am so exited to be guest posting today. I have had some really exciting things happening lately and I can't wait to share it with the world, well at least the blogging world!

I have over 10 years experience with graphic and web design and do it for a living, so when I started designing some blog layouts for myself and some friends it came really natural for me and was actually super fun! I have been doing some designs under the radar for the past year and thought maybe it was time I made a small business out of it! What's that? A Business that I LOVE? SIGN ME UP!

So... I am happy to introduce to you...