megan camille: national marriage week

Showing posts with label national marriage week. Show all posts

day of love

February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week. to celebrate, i will be sharing some thoughts and stories about marriage to help encourage you to strengthen your own relationships. i hope these posts will help you nurture your own relationship and rekindle the love you have for one another. you can also link up your marriage posts below to help celebrate this week.

i always thought Valentine's Day was kind of lame.

well, not lame, just not for me.

after elementary school was over and all the candy parties stopped, it seemed to all go downhill.

i always wanted a big, blow-out, awesomely romantic Valentine's Day but it never happened.

{plus i was like in high school so it made sense it didn't happen, but still. hopeless romantic you know}

so instead of celebrating Valentine's, my friends and i would celebrate Arizona's birthday.

because you know, Arizona was the best state ever and we were awesome so it made sense.

AZ birthday party 2008

then Adam happened.

our first Valentine's Day together he got me a velvety box of chocolates, roses and a daisy earlier in the day, a Hannah Montana poster {cause i was kind of obsessed with her}, a big giant card made from a poster board, and a candlelit dinner with sparkling cider and Panda Express [one of my faves].

he did all this without any hints from or even knowing i had dreamed of a date like that before.

it was perfect.

and then we went home and ate Arizona birthday cake :)

our first Valentine's Day together 2008

the next year, Adam topped the last Valentine's Day by asking me to be his beloved wife at the steps of the Mesa, Arizona temple.

it was perfect.

i never thought i would want to get engaged on Valentine's {all the cheesy, cliche-ness of it all}

but Adam knows how to speak to my hopeless romantic side perfectly & i loved every bit of it.

right after we got engaged February 14, 2009

i didn't know what i was saying yes to then,

i didn't know what life would have in store for us,

but i'm so glad i did say yes.

even though we have disagreements {like every couple}

and hardships {like every couple}

i'm so glad Adam is the one to see through life's happiest [and hardest] moments with.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

and be sure to check out all the blogs that linked up to celebrate National Marriage Week this week! there's some seriously awesome articles that linked up.

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how i threatened divorce

our wedding rings. photo taken by Kate Lines Photography.

i got married with the possibility of the divorce in the back of my head.

the day of the wedding, as i waited anxiously for the ceremony to start, i told myself it was okay to be scared and nervous.

i could always leave if i was unhappy.

after all the classes i took

after all the books & articles i read

after all talks i listened to {both from general authorities and prestigious academics}

which all taught to never say the "D" word if you want a happy marriage,

i still told myself after especially rough fights {that i'm sure we've all had} that marriage doesn't have to last forever if you didn't want it to, i could always leave.

before i go on, let me first tell you that Adam is a really good guy.

like, really really good.

i don't deserve him for many reasons and i'm reminded of his goodness every day.

he's truly my better half in every sense of the phrase.

he is not abusive in any way, he doesn't have any harmful addictions, he doesn't yell, he has never been unfaithful, he is incredibly supportive & loving, calm & patient, he's never intentionally hurt me...

he is everything a husband should be and has never given me real reason to divorce him. ever.

{just want to clear that up before anyone worries for me throughout the rest of this post :)}

i have always known Adam was a good guy.

that's why i fell in love with him and wanted to marry him.

he completed me.

having the idea of divorce in the back of my mind [when it wasn't warranted] made it hard for my relationship to really flourish. in fact, it threatened my marriage more than any disagreements we had.

but my fighting style was still so immature that whenever i got offended over even the tiniest things, i immediately thought to myself, "well i don't have to take this, i can just leave."

when we fought i didn't have the courage to work through it.

i told myself fighting equals incompatibility, i told myself we were never meant to be together.

even though i knew all couples fought and no one was perfect, for some reason i took our disagreements more personally.

other people didn't seem to have as many problems as we did, we should just end it because we would then be "happier."

[in quotes because really that was a lie, i woud be miserable without Adam]

if i got really mad about something, i threatened to leave.

instead of talking things out, i said i was done.

this meant i forced Adam to have to beg for mercy and forgiveness, even when i was clearly the one who was wrong.

Adam finally called me out on it, saying that giving those ultimatums were doing no good.

there's no where to go from there!

there's nothing to say once you threaten the worst possible thing, it's not a fair fight.

there's no room for conversation or compromise.

it's a dead end.

instead the problem gets swept under the proverbial rug with all the other issues that never were completely resolved, waiting to just bust free again and start the cycle all over.

{not ideal}

marriage is a lot of work, just like most good, worthwhile things in life.

it takes a lot of time and effort and patience and love and compassion and understanding,

problems aren't always solved in one conversation.

but you have to be willing to work our your differences instead of walking away from the problem.

really fight for your marriage.

i can honestly tell you now, after lots of hard work and love, marriage really is a good thing.

and i hope to stay married for a long time.

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more positivity, less complaints

i kind of love going through our old dating pictures. Jimmy Eat World concert April 2008

Adam is my best friend. truly he is.

i always thought that was cheesy when people said that cause i usually think of other friends of mine first when i think of a best friend. but after being with him for over 5 years, it's the truth. he's my best friend.

he has seen me at my highest and my lowest.

he has seen me crazy happy and crazy crazy.

he knows everything about me, he listens to all my silly stories and complaints,

and he still loves me through it all.

but sometimes when we are really close and comfortable with someone, we tend to let ourselves go.

not in the sense of we don't shower or get dressed or wear make-up "let go" {though i do that too...} but we stop being careful about what we say, we stop being careful about what we do.

we feel so comfortable and safe in our relationship [which is a GREAT thing to feel!] that we get almost too comfortable with the way we present ourselves.

i am referring to our attitudes at home.

i have talked before about our true characters and how we act in our relationships says more about us than how we act to people we meet on the street. but one key thing that i forgot to include in the list along with kindness, compassion, and charity was having a positive attitude.

allow me to explain.

when Adam comes home, i know that i can tell him about every part of my day.

i can share with him complaints that i wouldn't tell just anyone.

and while i know he will listen and understand and probably even agree with me most of the time, i need to be careful that my conversations with him don't just turn into venting sessions about everything that frustrated me that day.

i don't think i'm that negative of a person. {though i know i have room for improvement}

and especially when i talk to other people i try to be happy and positive.

but to Adam, i just seemed like a negative and unhappy person all the time because i was choosing to only tell him the bad instead of all the good things that happened to me too.

Adam told me one day that he thought i complained about Elijah a lot and i didn't seem happy with life.

i was honestly pretty shocked.

i felt for sure i was in a really good place in life and was expressing that well.

and i definitely didn't feel like i was really that upset with Elijah as much as i guess it seemed like i was.

but to Adam, who was the one that listened to every little annoyance instead of only the silly Facebook statuses or Instagram posts, i seemed more unhappy than i really was.

and because of my projected negativity, it was hard for Adam to know how to interact with me.

he felt like it was his fault that i was unhappy.

he didn't know if i was having a hard time and was then afraid to approach me with his own struggles.

it was creating this big rift between us and i didn't even know it.

i didn't realize that the things i was choosing to talk about were affecting our relationship.

to me, i just thought i was opening up to Adam cause he's the one i'm closest too.

and although that is true, i should be able to open up to him, i need to remember to not just focus on the negatives and only vent to him.

i need to be more positive, i need to share with him the excitements and accomplishments more often.

we should be able to talk to our spouse about anything.

but we should remember that also includes the good and not just the bad.

being positive goes a long way, not just with strangers or co-workers,

but more importantly in our relationships.

i know that when i'm more positive to those i'm closest to,

i feel better about myself & about those around me.

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creating marriage rituals

it's no secret that post-graduate school life is hard.

Adam is studying hard, usually away for long periods of time. and when he is home, he is trying to juggle helping with Elijah while i cook dinner and cramming more study time in.

so basically, there's hardly time for just us.

at first i didn't think much of it.

this was our new life, it's okay if we didn't get enough alone time. we still seemed to make it work.

well... finally about 6 months later it all seemed to catch up to us.

we were both unhappy, irritable, felt unloved and under-appreciated.

our good streak that we thought we had going on turned out to be just a moment in time where both were just kind of pushing our feelings aside and building up little frustrations towards one another.

it wasn't really a blissful moment in our relationship.

as we got to talking and understand what the other person was feeling, we both realized that the little things we used to do before school started had gone by the wayside.

we no longer were trying hard to create connection & love rituals in our marriage, an important part of healthy relationships.

William J. Doherty, the author of "Take Back Your Marriage" {and my hero} said of rituals,

"Connection rituals [...] are rituals of everyday life in which the spouses share time and attention with each other. They are often low key as opposed to intense, comforting as opposed to sparkling. Connection rituals are at the base of the pyramid of marriage, right above commitment."

one part of connection rituals is love rituals.

"Love rituals are more intimate ways of interacting than connection rituals; they are ways that couples express their deep affection and passion for each other."

in short, love rituals are the way you say "i love you and you are special to me."

we were very much lacking connection rituals, especially love rituals, in our relationship.

and in a time where life is hectic & stressful in many ways, to be missing a vital connection to each other was surely taking its toll on our overall happiness and stability and leaving us feeling unloved or uncared for.

so we decided then and there that we needed to create more rituals in our relationship, focusing first on the areas that we are struggling with and making goals to create more connections with one another throughout the day.

some things we came up with that i'm sure many other couples struggle with are:

more physical touch: we hardly held hands before or took the time to give each other a meaningful embrace when Adam came home from school. i even told Adam i want more PDA ;)
turn off distractions: our time on our computers and devices was coming in between the time we could be spending with one another. so we decided that we will work til a certain time at night and then turn it all off so we can focus on each other.
meaningful discussions: lately our conversations focus on logistics or family information, not our personal goals or feelings. we need to continually get to know one another.
saying "I love you" out loud: we go through the day doing things for one another and talking to one another thinking that the other person knows you love them because of your actions. and maybe that's true, but it's nice to actually hear it out loud often. we have made it a point to try and always say it before someone leaves or when we go to bed.
spend some time alone: all the others points i listed pretty much adds up to this last one but it's so important. even if it's after Elijah goes to bed and we watch an episode of New Girl, it honestly does wonders for us cause we are able to connect without any other distractions. it's something that we need to do more often and probably the one that yields the highest happiness and satisfaction rates.

connection rituals do not have to be a big production.

it can be as simple as texting one another during the day or spending lunch together.

or it can even be watching your favorite show while eating Oreos {that's one of ours :)}

whatever it is, it is an important way to strengthen the bond you have with your spouse and show your love for each other.

i know these rituals can make a big difference in a relationship,

i have already seen the difference they make in mine.

and i know as life gets busier, it will become even more important to have these rituals to be able to get through it all and come out stronger than ever.

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who did you marry?

one of our first dates. we're such babies!

for our first date, Adam took me to see the Japanese version of "Shall We Dance" at BYU International Cinema and to see the modern love exhibit at the Museum of Art on campus.
[everything was free. you know, poor college kids :)]
we held hands, he kissed my cheek, and i flirted and played games like any girl did at that age...
it was sweet, simple and perfect.
[well, besides me playing games]

fast forward 4 years...
a few weeks before we moved to Arizona, we found out that International Cinema was showing "Shall We Dance" again and thought it would be a perfect last hurrah.
we held hands, kissed on the lips, and i flirted for a good reason this time.
it was sweet, simple, and perfect.

after a hard year, it was wonderful to be able to take some time to just be together and act like young people in love again, flirting and courting each other all over.
we needed that time to reconnect and remember the person we were attracted to in the first place.

school, work, babies, stress, life have ways of making us forget about what is really important.
as much as Adam and i see each other, there are times where i don't feel like i really know him.
we are both constantly changing and evolving. life has a way of doing that.
and when we don't make time to reconnect, instead of just talking about Elijah or how his test was that day, it feels like we're just roommates trying to get by with superficial conversation.

i remember my professor telling us once that most divorces happen after kids are grown up and gone.
he said couples who have been together for 20 years, who seem to have it all together, can have everything come crumbling down because of one simple problem:
they don't know each other anymore.

he talked about how during the years they are together, their lives are so busy with raising children, starting careers (and possibly finishing school), running businesses, taking kids to soccer, family vacations, and more that it is hard to take time away to just be alone.
and at the end of it all, when all the distractions are taken away and the kids are moved out, couples look at each other and say, "who are you? what happened to the person i married?"

well they changed!
you changed.
life changes things.

that lesson has always stuck with me.
i don't want to be looking at Adam 20 years for now, wondering who he is and why i used to love him.
i want to be able to change together for the better,
grow together, not apart.

me and Adam are still not very good at making sure we have a consistent date night
[school life has a way of doing that].
but we are working hard to take time for one another doing simple day-to-day things so we can continually remember why we fell in love.

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National Marriage Week {link-up}

did you know that February 7th-14th is National Marriage Week?

i first found out about it when i started writing for StrongerMarriage.org.

while we get ready to celebrate the day of love, i think it is a great reminder that we should be doing things to continually strengthen our relationships instead of just on that one day.

on the Marriage Week website it says,

"From February 7th to 14th every year— is a collaborative effort to encourage many diverse groups to strengthen individual marriages, reduce the divorce rate, and build a stronger marriage culture, which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children. Together we can make more impact than working alone."

this week to celebrate National Marriage Week i will be sharing some posts relating to marriage/relationships and i would love to read your posts as well!

[you can read my past National Marriage Week posts here.]

if you have written a post about love or relationships/marriage [or even Valentine's Day!] link it up below so we can all read it and celebrate this week together.

{past & present posts accepts}

i would love to help make National Marriage Week a big, online success!

so with all your help and with all your posts i think we can make that happen and create a big celebration. :)

a message to young girls: by Rachel

i know Marriage Week is technically over but there was still one last message to share.
Rachel is the creative genius behind Hidden Beauty Photography. at only 16 years old, she is incredibly talented and has a great eye for finding the beauty in all of her subjects.
not only is she talented, but she also is incredibly sweet, kind, and wise beyond her years.

Rachel sent me this message about what she hopes girls know when it comes to dating.
i think as women, sisters, mothers it is our duty to help young girls around us understand this message as well.
so i wanted to share her thoughts with you in hopes that you can help influence young women [and men] you come in contact with.

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I feel that sometimes we teenagers need to be reminded of something very important:
we don't have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I am 16 years old, and will be 17 in just about a month, and I have never kissed a boy, or even gone on a date with one. This isn't just because no boys ask me, this is by choice. Society puts too much pressure on us to date as soon as we can, and to have a steady boyfriend. This causes girls to settle, and sometimes make bad decisions, but it's perfectly fine to wait for something that's worth you, someone that shares your standards and morals, and one of the most important things, respects you.

As adults looking back, we're not going to want to tell our children we dated every jerk that asked us out, we're going to want to tell them how we stood up for ourselves and only dated when we knew we were ready, and we knew the person was worth it. Because, believe it or not, who we date, kiss, and marry, will probably define who we are. Some of my best friends kissed a boy because he took them on a date and he liked them, and people were pressuring them too. To this day, it's the thing they regret the most. The boys turned out to be jerks, the girls had to get away from them, and from now on they're going to have to live with the fact that their first kiss was wasted on a boy who just wanted to brag about kissing a girl.

One of the things I hear all the time when I tell people I've never kissed anyone, is that "it's just a kiss!" But, the thing is, it's not. Not to me. A kiss is one of the lighter forms of intimacy, and our first kiss is going to be one of the most important in our lifetimes. Regardless of how many boys we kiss, how memorable they are, our first kiss is one that we are guaranteed to remember forever. Personally, I would rather wait a long time and have a special kiss, one that I won't regret, then kiss the first slimy frog that shows up lips first.

What we do now is important and we don't have to go along with what everyone else says. In fact, if we stand up for ourselves and our beliefs, people are going to respect us and admire us. Don't waste any time on a guy you are sure won't be good for you, don't waste your first kiss, your first date, just because it's taken so long for you to reach it. Hold out for someone special, and don't be ashamed of it! You'll be glad you did.

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i really appreciated Rachel’s words of wisdom.
she wrote more about this on her blog here.

as someone who did date a lot in high school, i do regret being so boy crazy and not focusing on getting to know who i truly was first.
[i have to make a quick note and say that most of the guys i dated weren’t and i am still friends with some of them]

i was Adam’s first girlfriend, his second kiss ever, and his first love.
and that means a lot to me.
i wish i had waited for Adam and had that special first kiss with him instead of others.
and that’s something that i will always teach my own children.
because all the heartbreak and drama before Adam came along really wasn’t worth it!

thank you Rachel for sharing your message with us!!
be sure to check out her photography blog and her facebook page

gratitude: by Skye

February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week. to celebrate, some of my favorite bloggers and i will be sharing some our thoughts and stories about marriage to help encourage you to strengthen your own relationships. i hope these posts will help you nurture your own relationship and rekindle the love you have for one another.

i love Skye’s post!!
{well, i have honestly loved all the guest posts so far!}
but i definitely definitely needed to also be reminded by Skye’s post.
i hope you appreciate it as well!

this is my husband and me.

i know - we are like so cute and adorable, right? ;)

i tell people we literally met purely by chance at a housewarming party. he was a friend of a friend of a friend who decided at the last minute to come. but i'm pretty sure God was all over that.

we are quite literally the yin to each other's yang. he is disorganized and i'm a neat freak. he likes to keep stuff and i am a minimalist. he reminds me every day how lucky i am to be married to him and i thank God every day for sending him to me.

one thing we do that has been awesome at keeping the love a-goin in our marriage is to never take the other person for granted. i try to tell chris "thank you" a million times a day for even the littlest things that he knows are kind of his duty. like taking out the garbage. or folding a load of clothes. i never want him to resent me and be thinking "gosh i do all this stuff every day and she doesn't even notice!" none of that! so i just try to always say thanks thanks thanks every single chance i get!

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so simple yet so profound!
i have realized one too many times how i don’t take the time to tell Adam thank you for even the little things.
he works so incredibly hard for his family, going to school and work for almost 12 hours most days.
he stresses over his research and grades and figuring out financial aid so that he can know that he will be able to provide for me and Elijah. and what do i do once he comes home?? complain that Eli has been insane and i need a break and he should change diapers for the rest of the night.
yeah. not so good.
but after reading Skye’s post, i realize that gratitude is very much essential for relationships to be healthy!!

maybe you guys are all way better than me at showing your gratitude, but if you forget sometimes too than hopefully Skye’s post was a gentle reminder to show your loved ones how much you truly appreciate them!

and be sure to check out Skye’s blog and shop for more inspiration!

making love convenient: by Franchesca

i really feel like all of these guest posts lately have been inspired just for me to remind me that i need to try a lot better in my own relationship.
Franchesca's post is no exception.
her gentle reminder about expression love to our husbands & other loved ones was exactly what i needed to hear!
and i think we all need the same reminder every now and then.

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Hi new friends! I'm Franchesca and I run a little blog called Small Bird Studios. I'm so excited to be a part of Megan's Marriage+Relationships series. I hope to encourage your heart today!!

I remember growing up wanting never to get married. I had seen too much to imagine it would ever make me happy.

I decided early on (I think I was seven) that I would grow up, become a missionary to Romania and adopt a lot of kids.

I also had quite the imagination because my life couldn't be more different.

After being an unruly, rebellious teenager I was saved by God's grace at 17. Life was never the same.

I met my soon-to-be husband at church. I was head over heels in love with this man.

We dated for four years, and married in 2006.

I remember always drawing him these ridiculous (I'll admit it) word drawings in fat crayola markers of "Pete+Fran Forever" with hearts all over them. He never made a big deal over them but he would take them and they'd make him smile.

One day after we'd been married a few years he asked me why I stopped making them. I am pretty sure he was half way joking, but I didn't have a good answer.

The butterflies and puppy love had been bull-dozed over by reality. Life. Bills. School. Problems.

It also wasn't practical anymore. Or convenient.

Okay let's fit a drawing in between cooking you supper and getting your lunch ready for the next day. And oh yeah, while I type my English paper.

Geez.

But it also hit me that my love - or my expression of love - for my husband had become only what was convenient for me.

Because let's face it, it wasn't convenient to spend hours on end drawing him useless love drawings then either. I just made time for it. He was worth it.

So why wasn't he now?
This always stuck with me.

I do admit it, I would feel silly sitting and drawing love hearts for him today, but every now and then I'll drop a short+sweet note in his lunch box or send a random text message when he least expects it.

When it's not convenient. And there are a million things to do.

Because he's worth it.

I made up a freebie, based on love+Valentine's Day that I hope you enjoy. To download you can right click or visit my Facebook page :)

Thank you Megan for your gorgeous heart and orchestrating this beautiful series on marriage and relationships. I am so blessed to be a part of it!!

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did some of you read that post and think to yourself, “oh my gosh, i do this!!”
yep, that was definitely me!
i felt lovingly rebuked when i read Franchesca’s post for the first time and felt pretty ashamed that i would really put other things first before my husband.
i hope we all remember to put our spouses and family first from now on.
because like Franchesca said, they are worth it!

be sure to check out Franchesca’s beautiful & inspirational blog here.

love notes or notes on love

[photography by Kate Lines Photography]

today, i asked a few of my blogging friends & sponsors to share some of their thoughts/advice about marriage.
i really enjoyed what they had to say and i hope you all will be encouraged as you read their little snippets as well!

Marriage is not something that is ever easy, it's something that has to be worked at constantly. Marriage will test you and make you soar, but if you work hard at it… marriage is completely worth it. In a marriage you can grow together or you can grow apart, make it to where you grow together. Talk, communicate & spend time together. Because marriage is beautiful.
-Cassie from Live.Laugh.L0ve

Some of the best relationship advice was given to us the night before we got married. It was from my aunt and it has always stuck with us. She said, "Never say the word divorce. If you don't ever say it, then it never becomes an option." I think that is so true. There are going to be times when you will want to joke about it, consider it seriously, or even feel like it's a way out. But if you never say it, if you never let it become an option, then you can always find a way to work through it.

Also, I hope couples who are about to make the transition from "husband and wife" to "dad and mom" realize that it can be a difficult one on a marriage. Not only are you now sleep deprived, put into different roles, managing new expectations, and caring for a new little person, but your relationship changes deeply. For me, some of these changes were welcome while others weren't. And this is coming from someone who loved marriage, who wanted to spend every single second with my husband. We were married for several years before we had our daughter and it was still really rough for me. So expect that things won't stay the same but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just roll with the punches and know that communication is paramount during this time because you need to ensure that your views are heard and valued. Embrace this new time in your life and always make sure to set aside time to be "husband and wife" again.
-Jessica from Sebastian Design

Marriage means so much, yet so little to me. The relationship with my husband started when marriage was a definite "no way, never ever" in my mind and eventually, it grew to become something more. Something truly magnificent. Being married hasn't changed me, us, or him. But being together this long, and knowing we're in this for the long-haul, has changed me. And us. And him. We've grown with each other and experienced life in ways that sometimes I wished we hadn't, but it was always together. So while marriage itself has such little meaning in the relationship I have with my husband because it's never defined us as a couple, I'm proud to say I'm his wife. And I always will be.
-Ashley from After Nine to Five

i completely agree with everything that has been said!
thank you so much Cassie, Jessica, and Ashley for sharing your thoughts about marriage!
i hope you all were able to hear something that resonated with you and you can apply to your relationship.

defining a successful marriage: by Amanda

February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week. to celebrate, some of my favorite bloggers and i will be sharing some our thoughts and stories about marriage to help encourage you to strengthen your own relationships. i hope these posts will help you nurture your own relationship and rekindle the love you have for one another.

i am so happy to have Amanda from Royal Daughter Designs here today talking about how to have a successful marriage. her message really hit me and has helped me redefine what i hope to have in my own marriage and refocus my relationship goals.

i'm so grateful Amanda took the time to share her amazing insight and wisdom about marriage. i really how you take the time to read her post because i know it will truly help you in your own relationships!

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Blogging about having a successful marriage is a daunting task. My husband and I are blessed with a very happy marriage (we both write "happily" when asked to designate our marital status!), and while our six years of marriage have seen plenty of heartache - and plenty of joys - I have to admit, it is a little intimidating to try to write about having a godly, successful marriage. My husband is a minister, and a theology professor at a seminary (that's a school for pastors). I am beyond blessed to be married to a godly man of honor. And honestly, the best advice I can give anyone seeking a "successful" marriage is this:

"If you want a godly marriage, marry a godly person."

The fact that I am married to a man who diligently strives for godliness really adds to the "success" of our marriage.

If you're like me, you probably have never sat down and defined what marital "success" means to you. You probably have an idea of what success means to you as it pertains to education, career or business, and social standing, but have you ever taken the time to sit down with your spouse to define what a "successful" marriage means to you? A few weeks ago David and I went on a date - a rare occurrence these days! You see, in September we became first time "parents" to three foster boys, ages 10, 11, and 15. We learned pretty quickly that date night is a luxury when you have kids!

While we were driving to the restaurant, I asked David what his definition of a successful marriage is. He responded, "selfless love that perseveres." I asked him to elaborate, and he explained, "a successful marriage is one where two people persevere in their self-sacrificing and mutually submissive love for one another." That sounds like an answer from a theology professor, doesn't it?

David and me in May, 2010

Ultimately, having a successful marriage means so much more than just still being married when you're 80. For us, it's even more than just being "happily" married. It's about nurturing unconditional love for one another. Daily sacrificing in order demonstrate our love for each other. Daily submitting to the needs and wants of the other. Daily seeking to love without boundaries. That's really hard, you know? The only thing that I would add to David's definition is that the ultimate purpose of a successful marriage is to bring glory to God.

In the end, it's not about the romance, the shared assets, and peacefully passing away in each others arms (yeah, I'm a sucker for the Notebook). It's about glorifying Christ through my life and through our marriage. David and I have been married for six and a half years. That conversation on the way to our date was the first time that we defined what a successful marriage means to us.

David and me at our wedding in 2005.

Let me encourage you take some time with your husband or wife and discuss what a successful marriage means to each of you. If we never define what "success" in marriage is, how will we know what we're hoping, striving, and praying for?

Thanks for having me today, Megan. I am thankful for the oportunity to reflect on my own marriage, and to begin praying for what we hope our marriage will be. I'm so glad you took the oportunity to focus on marriage this week - I can't wait to see what other nuggets of wisdom will be shared

About Amanda: Amanda's marks "happily" when asked to denote her marital status. She is currently pursuing a Masters of Arts in Church Ministries in order to prepare herself for full time ministry to seminary student wives. She and her husband, David, are foster parents to three boys, and are learning first hand what it means to follow the Lord in unrehearsed obedience. She blogs about her faith, and the misadventures of raising three rowdy boys at DAES of Our Lives. Additionally, she is owner and designer of Royal Daughter Designs.

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wasn't her post amazing!?
Amanda, i cannot thank you enough for sharing your message on my blog and helping me in my own marriage. i truly appreciate your insight!
on our Valentine's date, i am definitely going to ask Adam to define a successful marriage too!

be sure to check out Amanda's personal blog DAES of Our Lives and her design blog Royal Daughter Designs. she is incredibly talented and you will grow to love her as much as i do!

Love Inspiration

i can’t remember if i’ve showed this video already
but i love it!

this is such a beautiful message and example of actively showing love to each other.
and if you look close, you can see this cute girl and her husband.

Saturday Favorites

[ shirt, blazer, and shoes: thrifted, scarf: gift, pants: Forever 21 clearance]

i seriously really suck at posting pictures for my 30x30x under $30 challenge.
so sorry for the random updates every now and then!

i don’t really know how i feel about this outfit… i think i should’ve either just worn the blazer or just worn the scarf. but both together i think looks weird. thoughts??

i am really glad i did the challenge though.
it has really helped me see my closet in a whole new light. as in, i actually have clothes to wear and can make lots of different outfits from.
i think it’s a good challenge for everyone to do to kind of reboot their closet in a way.

okay now on to my favorite links this week!

i thought i’d keep with the Marriage Week theme and share some links to websites that help promote marriage and relationships!

first, i have to give a shout out to StrongerMarriage.org! if you haven’t visited their website before, they have tons of great articles to help strengthen your relationships not matter what stage you are in [dating, engaged, married with or without kids, re-marriage, and so on] They are a great resource and also have free online classes and surveys to help you in your relationship.

next, Lindsey Orton Photography has teamed up with some other wedding vendors to portray Disney Princess Brides. her pictures are absolutely stunning!! so far they’ve done Jasmine, Snow White, and Pocahontas. her work is amazing and i love to see their rendition of what each princess would look like if they were getting married. you seriously need to check it out!

another great website for couples is TwoOfUs.org. i love how they tie in entertainment couple news with real-life stories and quizzes. it’s a great website to check out and browse when you get the chance.

if you are still looking for a Valentine’s gift, you should look at Skye’s shop and her beautiful designs. i want this really really bad. and i’m excited to be getting my own subway art print soon!

if you didn’t see my below post, i was featured in Leslie Blake Magazine’s wedding issue sharing some advice to newlywed couples. basically it’s an incredible dream come true and i feel so blessed that they included me!
my article is on pg. 39 of this month’s issue.

Lelaini over at Soleil Solene is also celebrating Marriage Week and i have really enjoyed reading her insights about marriage and hearing her personal stories.

my friend is needing help with another survey for married couples. if you are married and have a few minutes, could you please take the time to take his survey??
you can find it here.

[via]

i love Mary Kate’s post about marriage and how her and her husband keep their relationship healthy. and aren’t her wedding pictures beautiful!!

and okay so this isn’t about marriage but this post by Cassie made me cry so i had to highlight it. especially when i read it right before Elijah woke up in the middle of the night and wouldn’t go back to be for over an hour. and then he broke one of our glass bowls today and smashed his crackers into fine little crumbs all over our floor…. yeah. i definitely needed that reminder! please read it and be prepared to want to go hug and squish your baby all day.

i hope you are all having a great weekend!!
and getting an early start to your Valentine’s Day!

::: p.s. please remember to take this survey for my cousin and be entered to win a prize! and if you’re not surveyed out, please please also take this one. thanks!!

to love and to cherish

February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week. to celebrate, some of my favorite blog friends and I will be sharing some of our thoughts and stories about marriage to help encourage strengthening your relationship. I hope these posts will help you to nurture your own relationship and rekindle the love you have for one another.

this is another favorite post i originally wrote for the Stronger Marriage Blog.

On the anniversary of 9/11, my husband and I were mad at each other. Like, pretty contentious mad. Feelings were hurt, we were annoyed with each other, and there was just a huge problem with communication the whole day. And to make the situation worse, he was leaving to go out of town for an interview the next day.

I am not proud of this day.

At one point, after we both kind of snapped, I laid in bed reading and looking at websites on my phone because I couldn’t sleep. I knew I should apologize, I knew I was being petty, I knew a lot the argument was my fault, but I have a really big problem with pride and I really hate caving in.
While I was perusing Facebook and different blogs, I started reading all the different posts people wrote about remembering 9/11 and honoring those who died. I then remember reading one blog post in particular saying that the biggest lesson they learned from the 9/11 attacks was to hold your loved ones close and to cherish them.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. I felt so guilty! I realized what a huge jerk I was being and that I really wasn’t cherishing my husband at all! I immediately got up, swallowed my pride, and went to my husband to ask for forgiveness.

At that point, it didn’t matter whose fault it was or who was meaner to whom. What mattered is that we loved each other & cared for each other but just lost sight of what we have for a second. I knew I needed to show my husband how much I cared and how much I truly loved him.

Jason Carroll and Elizabeth VanDerBerghe taught, “Love is something we do, something we can control, and ultimately something we can choose.”

So my question to you is this: How often do we all lose sight of what really matters? How often do we all forget to truly cherish our loved ones in our every day actions through life? How often do we say I love you? Or give hugs? Or give kisses?

I know I have a lot to work on! I’m definitely not perfect. But I know that if I try hard to keep that long-term perspective of what life, marriage, and family is all about, I will be able to more fully cherish and love those close to me.

What are some ways you try to keep your loved ones close and cherish them often?

a lesson in marriage: by Erika

today’s post is by Erika from Rouge & Whimsy. i was really excited when Erika agreed to share a lesson she learned about marriage {especially when she said it was kind of funny} because 1. i love Erika, 2. she’s a great writer, and 3. i couldn’t wait to hear what embarrassing/funny story she had to dish out.
but seriously, her lesson is one that we all need reminding of. i hope you enjoy!
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My biggest marriage lesson happened at the wedding.

I got married on one of the hottest days of the year in Seattle. Now, before you scoff, it was over 100 degrees at my 5 p.m. wedding. We were outside, me in a ginormous white gown, my husband in a black tux and the wedding party in black dresses and suits.
And in the summer in Seattle the sun doesn't go down until after 9 p.m., which meant that at 5 p.m. the sun was still beating full-bore.

I could feel sweat running down my back as my husband and I faced each other, clasping each others' hands as we began to say our vow.

until

we were interrupted by a noise most of you would be familiar with.

the noise of someone vomiting.

my brother, who happened to be one of those groomsmen, was kneeling in the grass and throwing up.

During our vows.

My dad jumped up fast and got him some water but needless to say my idea of the perfect wedding was ruined. My brother was fine-- after a sip of water, he stood up and we continued with the service, but needless to say-- the moment was different.

Different, not bad, but different.

And this lesson for marriage has taught me that sometimes things don't go exactly as we plan them. We want things to be perfect all the time-- and that's not possible. Things happen--someone may throw up-- and our expectations need to change.

My lesson learned for marriage and for real life is don't sweat the small stuff. While you'll make plans and have an idea of what you want your marriage to be or your job to be or your life to be, things are going to happen and you're going to have to adapt.

And the joy of marriage is that when those things happen-- and someone pukes-- you get to face it together.

Thanks for having me Megan!

I blog at rougeandwhimsy.blogspot.com, my shop is rougeandwhimsy.etsy.com and you can follow me on twitter as @rougeandwhimsy

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thank YOU Erika for sharing your story with us!
your poor brother!!! i feel so bad for him and yet i laughed so hard.
i love how Erika was able to have such a positive outlook on the ordeal and take it as a lesson learned instead of letting it ruin everything.
i hope you all enjoyed the post as well and were reminded to not sweat the small stuff!

taking responsibility for yourself

[photography by Kate Lines Photography]

i wrote this post originally for the Stronger Marriage Blog. it’s one of my favorite posts {and something i feel very strongly about} so i wanted to repost it during Marriage Week.

Free Will—we all have it. It’s our capacity to choose a course of action from various options. But do we take responsibility for our actions? Are we “moral agents?” How does this relate to making your relationship healthy?

Being a moral agent means we have the choice to do what is good or right or do what is bad or wrong, etc. We are each responsible for our choices whether it be to love someone, to get angry, to be offended, or to be understanding.

For example, a common phrase you hear people say is, “I have a short temper.” The funny thing about this phrase is that it literally doesn’t make sense. Is there a temper muscle or bone that is shorter on you than on others? No, in a way, it’s just an excuse. Instead of putting the responsibility on yourself to control your temper, you tell others that you “have a short temper” and put the responsibility on them to not make you angry. And essentially you are saying to others, “This is how I am, so now you deal with it.”

But this is not how it should be. Instead, we need to understand that we have control of our emotions, our actions and our choices. We can choose to get upset easily or be more understanding.

This became essential to me in my relationship when I realized I was constantly using the excuse, “I’m really sensitive.” Though it’s true that I don’t respond well to criticism, it is something that I can have control over. Previously, every time my husband and I would get into an argument, I would immediately get offended, blame my husband for hurting me, and tell myself it was his entire fault.

Even though my husband probably could be nicer, a lot of times after I calmed down and we would discuss things rationally, I would realize that he was trying to be nice but I blew it out of proportion. I chose to be offended by his words, got defensive, and didn’t listen to his side of the story. In short, I blamed him for not remembering that I was sensitive and he was supposed to adjust his actions accordingly.

How often do we do this in relationships? We tell ourselves that it’s not our fault for our reactions and emotions. But what we should be really saying to ourselves is, “I tend to get angry quicker. How could I do better?” Of course, it’s probably a good idea to let our partners know that we have some weaknesses. But not so they can beware, but instead to let them know that we are aware of our faults and are trying to do better.

Most problems can be solved if we: 1. Realize we are in control of our emotions, 2. Take responsibility for our actions and behaviors, and 3. To be mature and have perspective in the relationship.

What are some tips you have to be more active in taking responsibility in the relationship?

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