who did you marry?

February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week. to celebrate, i will be sharing some thoughts and stories about marriage to help encourage you to strengthen your own relationships. i hope these posts will help you nurture your own relationship and rekindle the love you have for one another.

one of our first dates. we're such babies!
for our first date, Adam took me to see the Japanese version of "Shall We Dance" at BYU International Cinema and to see the modern love exhibit at the Museum of Art on campus.
[everything was free. you know, poor college kids :)]
we held hands, he kissed my cheek, and i flirted and played games like any girl did at that age...
it was sweet, simple and perfect. 
[well, besides me playing games]

fast forward 4 years...
a few weeks before we moved to Arizona, we found out that International Cinema was showing "Shall We Dance" again and thought it would be a perfect last hurrah.
we held hands, kissed on the lips, and i flirted for a good reason this time.
it was sweet, simple, and perfect.

after a hard year, it was wonderful to be able to take some time to just be together and act like young people in love again, flirting and courting each other all over.
we needed that time to reconnect and remember the person we were attracted to in the first place.

school, work, babies, stress, life have ways of making us forget about what is really important.
as much as Adam and i see each other, there are times where i don't feel like i really know him.
we are both constantly changing and evolving. life has a way of doing that.
and when we don't make time to reconnect, instead of just talking about Elijah or how his test was that day, it feels like we're just roommates trying to get by with superficial conversation.

i remember my professor telling us once that most divorces happen after kids are grown up and gone.
he said couples who have been together for 20 years, who seem to have it all together, can have everything come crumbling down because of one simple problem:
they don't know each other anymore.  

he talked about how during the years they are together, their lives are so busy with raising children, starting careers (and possibly finishing school), running businesses, taking kids to soccer, family vacations, and more that it is hard to take time away to just be alone.
and at the end of it all, when all the distractions are taken away and the kids are moved out, couples look at each other and say, "who are you? what happened to the person i married?"

well they changed!
you changed.
life changes things.

that lesson has always stuck with me.
i don't want to be looking at Adam 20 years for now, wondering who he is and why i used to love him.
i want to be able to change together for the better,
grow together, not apart.

me and Adam are still not very good at making sure we have a consistent date night
[school life has a way of doing that].
but we are working hard to take time for one another doing simple day-to-day things so we can continually remember why we fell in love.



Kelsey Eaton said...

love love love this. Simple dates can be so meaningful. It doesnt have to be anything extravagant, just DATE your spouse!

jessica said...

So true. Sometimes I'm very grateful that my husband is in the military and has to be away for periods of time because it keeps us on our toes for changes in each other. We know when he gets back we're going to have to get to know each other all over again!

I think I remember you doing these posts last year and I loved them then - makes me excited for everything else you have coming the rest of the week!

Unknown said...

This is so true.. we get stuck in the same old routine, same conversations about kids and work, that life just becomes redundant and any spark leaves entirely. My husband and I are only on two years of marriage and two babies and it's crazy how much we have changed as people since we first met and were just dating. Thank you for this post because it reminds me that we really need a night for ourselves! Here's to many more years of marriage!

Brittany T. said...

awhh i love this megan! I fully intend and hope to continue dating my spouse when we are married (when that happens!) lol..you are so wonderful! btw, i LOVE your new blog design. I want to get a new design soon..maybe later this year, or if i win one that'd be perfect lol.

Unknown said...

I really enjoyed this post, it's so true! Thanks for the reminder to make time for the husby and I :)

Ugochi said...

We may not be able to have it like before, but we can sure device ways to keep the romance in our marriages. Thanks for sharing and have a super blessed day!

Amy Charming said...

I so loved reading this! I posted about my marriage (sort of ) today not knowing it was marriage week! I guess I'll link up. But thanks for sharing this post!!!

Kassi said...

I have worried about that recently... Right now my husband and I spend a lot of time just us. It's just the two of us at home right now, so even if it's just dinner after work at home we always have the time to connect. But with a baby on the way, I wonder how that dynamic will shift... So far we have grown so much over the course of the nearly six years that we've been together, but it's always been TOGETHER. I really hope we can figure out a way to make that always be the case.

A Proverbs 31 Wife said...

I loved reading this. And I'm featuring this post on Matrimonial Monday! :)

LuAnn @ BackPorchervations said...

Congratulations on being featured on Matrimonial Monday! I'm a new follower.

DH and I got married almost 16 years ago. Not many in our families thought we would make it. But we committed to each other, and to God. And if our plans work out, we'll go on more dates this year than we have for the entire rest of our relationship! :O)

Unknown said...

After thirteen years together I and four kids later I can so see how drifting apart can happen! I sometimes find myself feeling like I have a room mate at times instead of a partner and it is heart breaking. We try to set aside at least once a month a night for us to go out and just do something fun. It is so present to just have a meal at a restaurant without kids and just catch up on each other. We also are very strict about bed times for two reasons, one kids NEED at least ten hours of sleep, and two we NEED down time. It's nice to sit down in the bedroom and just talk about stupid things we watch online or what we think about some of the current events. I even go out of my way to type up Jason's papers for school just so I can stay connected and talk to him about what he is learning. Thank you for sharing your point about divorce is very ugh true and very sad.