doubts & blessings

it’s been kind of hard trying to figure out a good transition from my last post.
it’s not really the easiest thing to follow.

these last two weeks or so have been really emotional for me in a lot of ways.
good & bad.
at this point i feel a lot more peaceful, a lot more uplifted than i did two weeks ago.

i have to back up to two Fridays ago.
i basically had a {small} emotional breakdown to Adam.
it just all came pouring out of me, feelings that i didn’t really even realize or understand were bottled up inside me.

ultimately, all of the feelings came down to this:
i felt very alone. and i started doubting.
i just didn’t feel like i knew the point of everything anymore.

i told Adam that i would pray often for patience, love, wisdom, and understanding when dealing with Elijah.
i would pray that Elijah would be calm and behave, that we would have easier, happier days.
but no. the days just got harder.

so i doubted.
i didn’t think anyone, anyone, cared about how i felt.

literally the next day the prayers that i thought were going unanswered were answered.
i went to the Relief Society broadcast and one of the very first messages was:

photo (6)

so that was basically like being hit over the head.

a few days later my grandma went to the hospital after breaking her hip.
although she came out of surgery with flying colors, the following days were really up and down.

it was really hard to understand why all of this was happening.
we had just moved back home and i was looking forward to seeing my grandma more,
not just in her final moments.

but as i reflected on it all and thought about the legacy my grandma has left behind,
i realized that the whole experience was another gentle reminder to have faith in all things.


the first time i visited my grandma in the hospital i realized how petty i had been acting.
my problems were not even close to anything my grandma has endured or was currently enduring.
i have one crazy boy and she lived in a tiny house with 4 of them.
she spent nearly the last 30 years without her husband by her side.
i'm sure she felt completely alone countless times.
but she never gave up faith or doubted even though she had every reason to.

trust in the lord with all thine heart

although these last couple of weeks have been rough, there have been so many
tender mercies,
and answered prayers
throughout all of it.

two weeks ago i was doubting that the Lord was there for me.
or that He was even answering my prayers.
and now i can say He definitely is there for me.
He hears me and answers my prayers,
even the unspoken prayers of my heart.


as a sidenote, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me these last little while as my posts have become rather inconsistent. i hope i didn’t let too many people down while i take on some of these personal things. thank you for all of your patience and understanding! i appreciate all of you and couldn’t ask for better friends & readers!


Luisa Abrahamson said...

"He hears me and answers my prayers,
even the unspoken prayers of my heart." -- So True!!
I hope you're doing well!! I know how it feels to lose the best grandma.. ♥
Big Hugs to you!!

Alyssa said...

It's amazing how Heavenly Father really helps us through the words of other people! I'm so grateful for these inspired speakers!! If you need anything let me know!
p.s. if you ever need someone to watch Elijah let me know! He could always hang out with me if you need a break! (:

Kylie said...

I've been going through some really hard times lately, and have felt very alone and even started to question (not seriously) as well. You're not alone in your doubts. Everyone has to constantly cultivate faith, or it begins to wane. Thanks for sharing :)

Kristine Foley said...

I'm right there with you Megan. I'm experiencing those feelings now, and I know by shying away from Him its only making it worse on myself. Love u!!!

April said...

We love you!! We will be here for you. I'm glad you're seeing the little rays of hope and sunshine. Sometimes they're awfully hard to see, but they're always there!!

Magz and Mez said...

Things get tough in life, I can relate. I recently did a post about something I wrote that makes me feel better whenever I'm having bad days. We just need to remind ourselves why life is so good in the first place and remember that we need the bad to appreciate the good.
We may come from different religions but God be with us all :)

Wishing you a good week.


Beth Dorsey said...

That broadcast could not have come at a better time for me! I've been feeling the same way you were, like prayers for help with Tommy seemed to go unanswered. I'll admit I felt angry on top of alone. And then (somewhat reluctantly) I made myself go to the broadcast. Heavenly Father knows what we need to hear at what time. I'm so grateful. I'm sorry about your grandma, and I'm sure she's rooting for you in those hard moments with Elijah, since she knows how hard it can be with boys. :)

Alexis Kaye said...

you are a special girl Megan! You can do it!!!! :) Heavenly Father obviously loves you a whole lot

Cody Doll said...

I once read somewhere that if you pray for patience, you will suddenly be burden with alot because of Romans 5:3-4. I know there is a reason you have been going through this. God always has a reason. Just hang in there because in time His plan will be revealed.

Cody @Solemn Sound

Sarah Goodman said...

You're the best. :) Keep saying your prayers and I will say some extra ones for you too!

Mel said...

wishing the best for your grandma and yourself. Life can seem so tough! Your grandma seems to be an amazing lady!!! Don'T worry about your followers, take your time! I think your amazing and you last email litterally made my day (although I was a huge bugger and didn't answer yet)

Wishing you the best week!!

Jillian @ Hi! It's Jilly said...

Oh my goodness...when she said that "you are not alone" in the broadcast I just started bawling! Sorry things have been rough. I hope you feel some peace!!

Brittany T. said...

Oh dear megan, so sorry to hear about your grandma and just how difficult things have been for you lately. My nana margaret passed away in 1997 and miss her more and more as a i get older. There is a special bond between grandma's and granddaughters!! :) There is peace in knowing that we/you and i ARE NOT alone...GOd is ever so present and with us every day no matter what we are going through. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and LOVE love the prints with encouraging quotes!! lots of love!