part 2: getting help

 
my journey to overcome depression is a long process.

my emotions are in continual waves between deep sorrow and ultimate happiness.

though the feelings from the previous post still rear it’s ugly head, i feel like i’m in a much much better place than when i originally wrote it

mainly because i feel like i have learned the tools to overcome my feelings rather than let them consume me

in May, i went down to BYU’s counseling center and set up an appointment to start meeting with a therapist. the day before i made my appointment i told adam:

“i know my life is good but i can’t feel it. i just can’t be happy. i don’t know how anymore. i feel completely at a loss. i don’t think i can do it on my own anymore. i think i need help to teach me how to be happy again.”

adam was completely supportive. he told me he had been thinking for some time that i should talk to someone else but didn’t know how to approach me since i was so sensitive to any kind of tips/help/advice.

i needed to figure it out on my own  even though i had to go through heck to do it.

but at the same time i don’t regret what i had to go through because i feel like i am on a very positive path to true happiness. and i’m learning tools that i can use throughout my life even when i leave Provo and move on to bigger, better, more stressful and harder things.

i have now been going to see a therapist for 3 months. though i’ve had to switch therapists, i found that each one was able to give a different and very helpful perspective to my struggles. 

on my very first day of counseling, i left feeling lifted from my huge burden of sorrow, grief and despair. it was an incredible feeling, one that i felt like i had missed out on for too long.  it’s not that i was completely “cured” after my first time going. i just felt the difference right away that therapy was a really helpful resource to help me deal with my depression

it felt amazing to talk to someone that truly understood what i felt and didn’t judge me for feeling sad, lonely, overwhelmed, guilty, & worthless.

but instead he listened. and i mean really listened as i poured out my heart of months and years worth of sadness.

adam is of course always there to listen to me and help me, but it’s different when you have someone there without being totally emotionally involved and able to listen and understand objectively.

and that is something i cannot stress enough about the blessing of therapy.

i used to be ashamed that i was “crazy enough to need a shrink.” but now i know the amazing tool it really is and i wish i had utilized it earlier.

i am so grateful i got the courage and support to make that first appointment. i am no longer ashamed but just full of gratitude that i was guided to understand that i needed help and to reach out to get it.

 

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as i start to compile my thoughts about what i have learned about depression and what i am doing to overcome it, i wanted to let you know that i’m always open to questions.
please let me know if there is anything you would like me to talk about.

i want to be very open about my experience because i know there are many people {especially women} who are going through the same things. and i would like to do whatever i can to help and answer any questions anyone might have.