just a boy and a girl in a tippy canoe

edited 13

i heard a really good analogy in therapy about our feelings in relationships
{and in ourselves}

imagine two people in a canoe, each hanging over opposite sides.
they don’t want to stay where they are [because it’s uncomfortable]
but are afraid to move.

if one person decides to moves to the middle or go towards the other person, the boat will become too heavy on one side and tip. instead, they need a third-party to help them come to the middle in perfect synchronicity so the boat stays balanced. 

how this relates to relationships/individuals is this:

one person can be very emotional
while the other is much more rational.
both parts can be very good and very reasonable when a balance is met.
but when a balance isn’t met between the two sides, that is when there can be trouble.

the emotional person wants to be rational, but then giving up the emotional side will make the boat tip because the relationship is then void of emotions. and the rational person would like to show their own emotions and sensitivities, but then giving up the rational side would overwhelm the relationship with emotions and also capsize.

it’s a difficult thing to deal with.
me and adam have recently found this has been the struggle within me for months

while i am flooded with emotions
guilt
shame
insecurities
fear
anxiety
sadness
the rational side of my thinking is stuck on the other side of the boat and i can’t go to it

this metaphor seriously changed the way i have thought about everything.

it has helped me realize how unbalanced my life has been.
[due of my own shaky foundation]

i have since gotten the help i needed 
{the third-party aforementioned}
and i can honestly say that most days i feel a lot better.
and can safely go to the other, more rational side of my canoe

i’m so grateful for what i have learned about myself to help me take control of my life
to help me find balance
& to take my life back
{in all sense of the phrase}

just by understanding how these emotions inside of me have been working against me
and holding me back
and not letting me be more rational and enjoy life
has been a huge help for me!

we have all heard the phrase
knowledge is power
but i think knowledge about yourself is in a way the ultimate power because you can have the understanding, tools, and confidence to accomplish the most good.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i also want to say that i am extremely grateful to my wonderful husband for his patience and love through this whole process. i honestly could not do it without him. he encouraged me from the beginning and never looked down on me during this struggle in my life. and i love him even more through it all!

4 comments:

Jan said...

I LOVE this post! I LOVE your analogy! It resonated with me. Years ago I felt very much like you did. I sought out help and learned so much about myself. It saved my marriage and myself. Now that I'm armed with the tools I need (to understand myself and my feelings better), I can rationalize things so much better in my head before I respond. What a great analogy to read from time to time to put things into perspective. Thanks!

Mrs. T said...

Without the patience of my husband... wow... we'd be in trouble for sure!!

Millie said...

Megan, thank you so much for writing about all of this. I really suffered after Aurora and all any one would suggest was meds. I know they have their place but in my heart I really felt like counseling would help way more. Luckily I have pulled out of it with this pregnancy and now I know if I go back to that place I'm going to seek help, and my husband knows it too. I feel horrible that I'm looking at this in retrospect and I wish I had the courage like you did to do something about it in the moment. But I really feel we are prepared for the future. If I go back, I want to be like you and learn how to deal with my problems. Thank you for sharing how therapy can help. Keep writing and keep it up.
-Millie

Ashley Michelle said...

So, I just came across your blog, and I love it! I am a family studies major, so this analogy is perfect for me! Your blog and family are super cute :)