while we make the transition from Utah to Arizona, i have some wonderful guest bloggers lined up to fill in on the blog. i hope you enjoy their awesome posts and show them all the love & respect they deserve!
i’m really happy Elizabeth from The Bradleys agreed to guest post for me and shared her beautiful insight.
in a world that seems to be every changing all the time {for the worse}, it is important to realize what we as parents need to be doing for the rising generation.
me and Adam were just talking the other day how we know that we need to be spending more time with Elijah and show him more undivided attention & love.
we know that if we can start at a young age to get into the habit of spending quality time with one another we’ll be able to raise a more well-adjusted child.
it can be hard, sure.
life is busy and ever changing.
but there definitely is a lot of truth in the idea that by spending time with your children, showing them love and attention, will help them be more happy & independent adults.
i hope you enjoy Elizabeth’s post today and i would love to hear your insights as well!
I am so very grateful to have the chance to write on my favorite blog, and to share a little bit of our family's thoughts on life and our family centered lifestyle!
About a week ago, I had an interesting chat with two teachers from the States. They were on their summer vacation and were enjoying time off from teaching; they happened to be mother and daughter, and one resided in Chicago and the other Colorado. I asked out of curiosity what schools are like now in the US and they explained to me that they were at alternative public schools and that most of the children attending had some serious academic and social issues they were facing. Many of their kids are pregnant and some drive to school illegally. A number of them cannot read. I asked what they thought was an underlying issue and was quickly told it was that they lacked either their father or mother. 'Wait, what about drugs?' I asked. They assured me many were using drugs, but the reason they did was because they felt neglected and basically took care of themselves; one or both of their parents were not in the picture. 'Is this a common problem then, or just in your schools?' 'No, this is nationwide.' I was pretty shocked that the Mother-Daughter duo had said this, and after at least 2 hours of conversing the Mom told me that they had to actually spend most of the class period teaching the kids right from wrong, basic morals and ethics and other things that traditionally are taught at home. 'They have no one to model this for them, we're doing the parent's job.' she went on.
They were both what I would call 'liberal' and progressive, so for them to lay out that they felt the number one problem across the US was a lack of parental involvement in children's lives took me aback. My husband is also a teacher, and he concurs with them. Both when he taught here and in Korea, he noticed the kids were very disconnected from either one or both of their parents. He has some students who are dropped off at his school almost 4 hours before their class begins...they sit around, jump on chairs, and eat junk food. It is treated like a babysitting service.
I have many friends who are single parents and have done a stellar job in raising their kids, but all are super involved in their children's lives, and conversely I know moms and dads who are not at all involved or intimate with their children. So what's going on and how can we unite families?
About 6 months ago I began reading conservative 'mom blogs' that 6 years ago I would have viewed as old fashioned. Today, they are a daily must read as they show me what I am doing is important, that my being 'just a Mom' ( as some people have put it) is in fact an integral, underrated job that has the power to transform lives. We home school our daughter and it was a choice that didn't float well with our families at first, but once they saw how much we all love it and how our daughter flourishes, they understood. The most precious gift any parent can give their children is their time and attention. Are we being present for our children and listening to them? It's a bust world and getting distracted is easy. Are we listening to what we 'should' be doing with our lives or doing what is right for our family? Being genuine in this world is a challenge as we are taught from a young age to conform to certain standards and ways. The journey of parenthood may be a challenging road, but it is the most worthwhile thing we can do.
I see things changing on a daily basis. Many women are finding that some forms of feminism are just not bringing about the satisfaction we thought they would give us. Moms like Dr. Mayim Bialik for example are debating with feminists over breastfeeding and that it in not 'enslaving' women (as some ladies have said). I read bloggers like Modern Modest Mom and Casey Leigh and I see a blending of having a passion or career and also maintaining close ties with our children. Things are changing, sometimes out of desperation. We need true satisfaction, and can that be found by competing with men or by shopping? Hardly. It is something inside us that we need to discover. I would like to argue that by being involved with our families we can find our paths just as easily, if not easier, as we have a team of little ones that love us and want us to be happy. What could be a better gift?
3 comments:
As a teacher coming from a school where even most of the children had stay at home Moms....I even found the children were very insecure because time was not spent with children appropriately.
No one helped the children with their homework, they brought junk to school to eat, and the children literally seemed so hungry for affection.
Some parents replaced this time needed with taking their young child for highlights and makeup. Some replaced this time with a different extracurricular every night (or more).
I'm a crazy, conservative, religious, married mother who stays at home. It's sad that this is no longer the norm. I would look back at the 50's where divorce was less prevalent and mothers stayed at home with their children. What others see as old fashioned I see as intact. By having clearly defined roles in the home we create a stable, loving and committed family unit with less fighting. There's never a question about who is supposed to do what.
@Autumn you are totally right, even some moms who are SAHMs aren't involved. It's an epidemic, for certain.
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