change of heart

Christmas 2010

i am sad to admit it, but last Christmas i had a very bitter heart.
it felt like nothing was working out at the time:
we didn’t get into dental school
we didn’t get to go anywhere for Christmas,
we barely had any money for presents,
we couldn’t afford to get winter clothes for Elijah,
Elijah wasn’t nursing well anymore and it was physically and emotionally frustrating,
we were sleep deprived, mentally exhausted, and emotionally worn out.

the whole year was a complete roller-coaster and my emotions were at their wit’s end by the time Christmas came around. it was the beginning of my darkest days.

i cursed God and doubted His love for me.
i felt forsaken and forgotten.
i didn’t understand why He would let us go through all that we were having to endure.
i couldn’t see my blessings. i couldn’t feel His love.
i was miserable.

this Christmas is a lot different.
though not much has changed since last Christmas
{we still are barely making ends meet most days}
my heart is in a totally different place.

i know it is because i can feel God’s love in my life again.
i know He cares for me and is there for me through every trial.
after all that happened, He was there through it all!
{i know that now!}

i know that because of His guidance to get the help i needed, i can recognize the small and simple blessings in my life and understand my true worth.
i know He hears and answers our prayers, even the smallest and humblest of prayers.
i know He understands our greatest needs and the honest desires of our hearts.
i know that even if it doesn’t seem like we have much, the Lord blesses us through the simplest of ways.

i know that this is the time of year that we celebrate the birth of our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ
and that through Him we can find true happiness
and have that sweet change of heart.

15 comments:

Lifelessrobot said...

Really nice post, I'm following

Erin said...

So happy to hear that you are having a much better Christmas this year and that you see how God is always at work in your lives! Even when we doubt and think He has forgotten us....He hasn't! He is always there!

Chrissy said...

Love this post! Happy Holidays!
I tagged you over on my blog, go check it out! xxx

Just the Two of US said...

I hope your Christmas is way better than last! you deserve it!

Cassie said...

I love this post! For the past few years our Christmas's have been like that so I can understand! I am glad you have had a change of heart though and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas! You are such an amazing person!!

xoxoxoxo

Ruthie Hart said...

Megan I am so happy the Lord has brought you so much joy this Christmas!!! Happy holidays to your beautiful family!!

Gentri said...

Know the feeling. Of course the circumstances were totally different. But I know that feeling of feeling forgotten, alone. I'm so glad that this year you are feeling so differently. :) you deserve all the very best, especially to be happy!

the Momma Bird said...

awe :) love to see such a happy ending :) merry early christmas sweetie!

Jenna said...

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Alexis Kaye said...

Amen sista! For reals. I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling so much better this year :) you've come a long way. I hope things turn out well for your holiday! Let me know if you need anything. serious.

Ashley Malan said...

Very touching post...very honest and sincere.

Stephanie and Such said...

Wow! I love this! I couldn't have said it better myself. What's funny, is I feel like you and I had similar situations. It's funny how circumstances might not have changed, but your heart is in a different place. It's the BEST feeling!!

You deserve the best! Merry Christmas!

Stephanie and Such said...
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Stephanie and Such said...
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Whitney said...

What a great post! So glad that things are going much better for you! I love your blog :)

Whitney