[warning: i don’t really know where this post is going. mainly i just needed an outlet for my stress i guess]

photo (11)

this week my emotions & stress levels have gone into overdrive.
i feel completely overwhelmed
and i can feel myself caving in.

we are trying to make plans for next year and it is proving to be so incredibly stressful.
so many calls, so many lists, so many pros & cons, so many unhelpful people, so many things to do, so much money, so much pressure.

i get overwhelmed, then i get sick to my stomach, then i get agitated, then i get tired and give in to the stress and sleep the days away.
so that’s what i have been doing this last week{s}… succumbing to the overload of anxiety and ignoring other responsibilities.
and then when i put off the things i know i’m supposed to be doing, i start feeling loads of guilt.
vicious cycle.

i was talking to Adam about how i have been feeling and thankfully he was incredibly understanding.
even though he probably has lots of reasons to be mad, he showed me lots of love instead.
{i mean, before last night neither of us could remember the last time i cooked}
and through his love he reminded me that i need to get up & move forward.
nothing good was coming out of me feeling bad about myself.

there was a place to accept & acknowledge the feelings i was having, but then afterwards there was a time to get up and do something about it.
i have the power & the tools to make the necessary changes to be happy.

so yesterday i made dinner again.
and today i actually woke up before Elijah and took a shower.
and although i still feel incredibly anxious and just want to go back to sleep, i know i have a little boy to take care of and personal goals to accomplish.
i can get through this rut.
one day at a time.


Amanda said...

aw girl, i'm so sorry you're feelin overwhelmed and stressed! i'm not a mommy yet but i can partially imagine it is tough, but you are crazy gorgeous, and you have such a sweet and caring hubby and a cuuuute kid, and just like you said you have everything u need to get things goin again. no need to feel down, girl! sometimes ya just gotta let go and let God take it from there. thinking about you today!! xoxo

Lena B, Actually said...

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone... I'm having a rough couple of weeks... with work and ''stuff'' I haven't been sleeping well and things almost seemed to much... I had a mini-breakdown, but I talked to someone and felt so much better!
Hang in there, hun! ♥

Misty said...

this broke my heart a little bit... I am so sorry you are feeling like that. Have you read "the Happiness Project"? I did a year of it, 2 years ago, and the author (Gretchin Rubin)is pretty emphatic about advising us, when we don't feel like doing something, to just pretend (to ourselves) that we LOVE doing it... A mind over matter excercise, if you will...
and it works...

Unknown said...

Sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. While I can't sit here and say I understand your situation I do want to say that it will get better. Its wonderful that you have such a supportive husband to help you through this.

Stacey said...

I'm praying for you!! And I'm here if you ever need a listening ear, though I'm glad that your husband is a good source of encouragement and strength for you :) Sending smiles and hug your way!

Joy said...

Praying for you! I don't know exactly how to feel but uncertainty is something that really stresses me out as well. Satan knows the exact things in our lives that stress us out and cause us to lose focus and he uses them so skilfully to mess with us. You can do it!! We're all here for you if you need to talk or vent. :)

Laurie said...

You are right, one day at a time. You can do it, I know you can.

Unknown said...

Yeah, life can be very challenging! I've been finding myself physically and mentally overwhelmed lately because of school and moving to DC. It stresses me out not really knowing what is gonna happen with me, my education while I'm in DC. We might be moving again after 1-2 years and live in some crazy country where I can't finish my education. It is also soooo challenging to plan when to start a family with all these uncertainties that are coming up that it's driving me crazy. I feel like now that Anthon has a job, we should have more money, but we don't... so all these things come together and it's really frustrating!
You are an amazing young lady- you can do it! Every time I feel I've been pushed so much further than it is comfortable to me, I feel another push forwards- I guess that's life! Heavenly Father knows my and your potential, so he's kicking our butts. Luckily, He does NOT expect us to be perfect. He does NOT judge us for not having cooked for a while or having slept a lot because you are exhausted. ;-)
Sometimes we just have to rely on God's mercy and plans for us and let our butts be kicked ;-)

Hope you're doing better this week. I'm only gonna be here until Saturday evening, but let me know if there is anything I can do for you!

K said...

(((hug))) :)

Anonymous said...

I second The Happiness Project. Great book and not all preachy. Some weeks/months/years are worse than others. This too shall pass.

Ashley said...

Oh girl, I am sorry! You are right, one day at a time. Tomorrow is a day to begin again. Sometimes I just have to tell myself that too. On days I feel down or overwhelmed (which tonight is one of those times!) I just have to realize that tomorrow is another chance. :)

Alexis Kaye said...

You SOOO can!! And thank goodness for sweet husbands. He's write that you have tons to live for every day!! Have you read What to say when you talk to yourself? Funny title I know but it's so good!! It could totally help you out

Aubrey said...

i hate when it feels like life is just kicking you right in the booty, but you always have such a good perspective. you always seem to find the lesson to be learned, and it motivates me every time. good luck getting it all figured out.

Ashley said...

girrrrrrrrrl. i feel ya. take a deep breath :) and remember. God doesn't leave us alone.

Jenny said...

Are you my long lost sister or something, cause I swear we are so much alike! Just know that you are not alone and you are still a great mom and wife even if you don't make dinner every night. I feel guilty sometimes too, but you need to think about all the things that you do right that other moms/wives might not be as great at!

ashleymoranyoga said...

Moving plans are so stressful. Don't let it overwhelm you. Everything will get taken care of and work out just like it's supposed to. God's in control!

I'm so happy you have such a loving husband to help you through your rut! At my friend's wedding this summer the officiant said marriage isn't all about sharing our triumphs and accomplishments-- but sharing the hard times, the disappointments, the worst days of your life. your post reminded me of that!

Unknown said...

Aw friend! I'm so sorry it's been a rough week! There's lots going on in your life... lots of changes coming up! No one can blame you for being overwhelmed and stressed. It sounds like you know what your priorities are and know the steps to get there. Sending you happy thoughts and prayers that you may have a lighter heart and know that everyone here supports you! :) It'll get better and all be worth it!