on forgiveness

Adam is really good at letting things go.
he gets upset, accepts my apology, then moves on with life.

i, on the other hand, have a hard time letting things go.
if i’m mad, i want to be mad.
and when Adam apologizes, i don’t want to just say, “that’s okay” and forget about it.
i want to hold on to my anger as we analyze & pick apart the problem until we have viewed it from every possible direction and have discussed all the deeper emotions & past arguments that have surfaced from arguing about not getting the dishes washed.

sounds tiring & ridiculous?
cause it is.
for both of us.

i have been trying to work on giving up my anger & show more love when faced with conflicts.
{obviously for Adam’s sake} but also for my own well-being.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
- Louis B. Smedes

it’s not that i like being angry.
in fact i feel utterly miserable when i’m angry.
so why do i insist on holding grudges?
why do i insist on torturing myself with anger?

i realized i am not allowing myself to progress when i choose not to forgive and move on.
i am not allowing my marriage to be enriched when i choose not to forgive and move on.

and in the end, who has the greater problem?
me, who remains bitter?
or my husband who has chosen the higher road?

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
- Paul Boese

forgiveness is an essential part of marriage.
holding a grudge is not.
while it’s completely normal & healthy to want to discuss problems that need to be fixed,
it should be done out of love for each other instead of anger.
that’s what forgiveness is all about, showing more love. 

"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness."
- Robert Muller

i am so grateful for a husband who teaches me to be better every day.
i am grateful for his example, his integrity, his love, and especially his patience. 
and i hope some day soon i can show him more love by learning to just let go.


Chrissy said...

I can so relate. I am the same way. And when I want to argue, I want to argue and if the hubs doesn't respond to it, it makes me want to argue even more. haha
Thanks for this lovely reminder to just try and let go!

Sue // As It Seems said...

I have a hard time letting go of my anger too. I've been working on it but this is a great reminder! It doesn't hurt the people I'm angry at, it only hurts me.

Elizabeth Kelsey Bradley said...

LOVE this post, and I agree it is tiring. I do it ALL the time, I get annoyed and then never let it go.

Moe said...

This post has helped me realize forgiveness in my relationship with my boyfriend. Its always been weird for me to be in love with someone because I always have the nagging feeling that they will leave because we aren't married. Not that I feel we should get married as soon as our eyes meet, but knowing that he & I are on the path to marriage it seems to me that the stronger the relationship gets the more potential we have for angering each other so much one of us leaves.

We are in a long distance thing right now as he goes to find a job and it's been hard. Communication has been harder which has lead to more disagreements and I am glad that we have each other & that we can seem to discuss things, talk it out, & forgive each other.

Any way, long comment short: I really needed to read those quotes today! Thank you!!!

HEATHER said...

This is the first time I've read your blog and it's certainly... different. I suppose the whole 'is it a blog post, is a poem' thing makes this an interesting read, but maybe also a little distracting.

But formatting aside, I totally know where you're coming from when it comes to anger. Personally I'm the opposite, I can get mad pretty quickly, yell and everything but afterwards I'd rather everyone involved just forget what happened.

One of my flatmates likes to hold a grudge and sometimes I feel like all the effort she puts into holding on to hate is a little... exhausting for her.

Unknown said...

Great quotes! I really enjoyed them.

Kindness is the best accessory,

Unknown said...

Actually I think my problem is letting go too soon.... Instead of talking it out so it doesn't happen the same way again, I tend to just let it go.... Then it all boils up until I have a huge freak out over something silly.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post:)

Amanda said...

I can also relate big time! Scott is so easy about forgiving me if I ever make him upset, yet when he does something it seems like I am always the one who stays upset the longest. Loved this post definitely something I loved reading about and loved the quotes. I am also working on letting go. XO

Unknown said...

You are so blessed to have found someone like this to spend your life with. It sounds like he would be a great person to learn and grow with. My best to you!

xo Shane

Kirsten Wiemer said...

i definitely understand this.
what a great husband you have.


Kaitlyn B said...

Oh my goodness. This sounds just like my husband and I. I am grateful to know others are working on forgiveness and patience as well :)

Jenmarie said...

Such a lovely post! Loved the encouraging quotes you included too.

Ashley said...

You pretty much just summed up the dynamic between my husband and I. He is almost always the first one to say sorry and even then I have a hard time reciprocating. It's bad, I know, but forgiveness is something I struggle with.

Alesha said...

I feel like you are telling my story! This has been such a big struggle for me through dating. And now in marraige, it has been a struggle not to hold on to grudges towards others that do or say hurtful things toward my husband. Such and IMPORTANT lesson to learn. I still pray almost every day that God would teach me to forgive and love.
Thanks for sharing this!
Alesha <3
P.S. I host a "Peek Inside My Journal" link party every Tuesday. I would love to have you link up. It's still starting up, so there aren't many (sometimes any) links, but I'm working to grow it!

Jeff said...

I think you and I face a lot of the same things, Megan. Sometimes when I have trouble letting go of something I ask myself, "would I rather be happy, or would I rather be right?" When I can really recognize (which can be hard) that the choice comes down to this, sometimes that makes it easier.

Lovely blog, I have a lot of respect for you, keep up the good work :)

Brittany LeSueur said...

I love this. Forgiving is so hard, especially in marriage! I am really good at letting things fester til I blow...I am glad I read this:)

Unknown said...

A great quality to have! My boyf always forgives right away, while it takes while for me lol... must work on that!

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