blessings in disguise

cooking [little E loves watching me cook. he screams if i don’t pick him up. :)]

it has been no secret that this last year has been really rough, emotionally.

having a baby, preparing for dental school, spending our savings on applications, not getting into dental schools (which still doesn’t make sense), working overtime to finish both of our degrees, having my emotions catch up with me, figuring out new future plans…

though i know this all doesn’t seem like a huge deal to some people and there are a lot of worse things out there, but to me
it has
been a roller coaster to say the least! 

what you think you once knew
what you think you had all planned out
what you think the Lord has planned for you

it was a hard, humbling year for me
one that i feel at times i’m about to repeat all over again
all the previous emotions are returning, all the insecurities, all the frustrations
but through it all, I KNOW the Lord has a plan for us
i just know He does
{i have to know it}

and I KNOW He knows us better than we ever know ourselves.
i thought we were supposed  to wait to have a baby
but He didn’t
i thought we were supposed to be away at dental school this year
but He didn’t
i thought we were supposed to end up at a certain school, in a certain house, with a certain plan
but He didn’t

and now, looking back, i realize how perfect His plan truly has been
i know that Eli was brought into our lives at this time for a reason: to give me strength and purpose when i think i have none.
i know that if we left for dental school right away, i still would’ve struggled emotionally if not even more so than i am now.
i know that if we moved away adam would’ve been gone a lot more than he is now leaving me alone in a city where i wouldn’t  know anyone or have had the resources that i have here (family, friends, therapy).

but now, being here for another year, i’ve realized how truly blessed i am to be here.
adam is in a program he loves with people he loves being around,
he has gotten recognized by great professors and academics,
i was able to get the right help that i needed for free,
people have been placed in my life that i truly, deeply needed (you know who you are :) )
i am able to focus my time on being the mother that i want to be
i was offered a great job at the Stronger Marriage blog 
and i could go on!

i am amazed over and over again at His mercy and His love.
it’s true. it’s not what i wanted. or what i had planned on for over 3 years.
but it’s what i needed.
and He knew that. 

i’ve said it before that i  struggle with faith:
faith in our future
faith that things will work out
faith that i can overcome

but i feel like i’m finally starting to understand the importance of faith and the knowledge that
He is in control, not me {however much i want to be}.
and He will always lead me safely if i just trust in Him.

[boy is that sometimes a hard lesson to learn, yeah?]


linking up here & here


also, the winner of the Sebastian Design giveaway is commenter #26: Ben+Jess! CONGRATS!
thanks to everyone that entered! and remember there is another giveaway going on right now!

AND! i’m guest posting over here today as well! so check it out!
(if you’re not already sick of hearing from me today….)


Unknown said...

How important it is to remember that the Lord really knows what is best! Everytime I remember that I am so humbled :)

Jessica Sebastian said...

Loved this post! It was also fun to go back and look at all of your links, I hadn't seen most of those. I think you're great. And sweet. And competent. And capable of more than you probably know.

holli h. said...

this is an upliting post. it's always an amazing feeling when you realize that you really are in His hands. Also-- i remember that apron and how i always loved it!

Alycia Grayce (Crowley Party) said...

I in now way think its "fake" to accept button swaps! i think that is a great idea! like I said, if there are people willing and wanting, go for it! I just meant people should be reasonable when it comes to asking people to pay for advertising spots on their blog. Does that make sense? p.s. LOVING your blog layout :)

Afton LeSueur said...

Hi Megan! Glenn applied for dental school and didn't get accepted, and then applied again the next year and did. Now we are at USC! I know how frustrating it is, but we had the same experience as you, feeling like it ended up being such a blessing, that the Lord knew it would be better for us to wait a year. Your little boy is so cute!

Ana Paula said...

It is so true! And do not feel like people may think your experiences aren't important. They are. They probably went through them as well but they just don't have the guts to admit it, let alone share it with strangers like you do.

We all go through very emotional and faith-testing periods in life. That's what life is about! And it's great to overcome them and see what the purpose of it all was. The gospel gives us that great perspective on life and I could not want it any other way. I'm grateful for the challenges in my life. They mean that I'm worth it and that there's some learning to do and some faith and testimony to strengthen.

Thank you for sharing your experience. :) Your honesty is always refreshing.


Alexis Kaye said...

you are such a sweetheart! thanks so much for the comment you left me! You're right, it was scary to write, but already I'm so glad I did! :) And I completley agree!!! I, for one, am SO glad heavenly father knows best what we need. Seriously, if i got what I wanted I'd be married to Lance Bass from Backstreet boys (who likes men, might I add), being a lawyer (yawn!) and have 5 girls! yikes :)