80/20 rule

it’s been almost a year since i first started going to counseling.
although i’m not going currently, i learned a lot of tools that i am able to apply to my life for years to come.

after my very first session with my counselor, i felt really great!
not just great, amazing, free, empowered to be able to make the necessary changes in my life.
the next week when i went in for another appointment, i told my therapist how incredible the last week had been and how great i had felt.
i already felt like i was making great progress.
i was going to fight this!
and i was going to get over my depression quickly & back to my real self.

the following week after my second session was tough.
i wasn’t as suddenly strong/healed as i thought i was before.
i struggled tremendously to be positive & upbeat.
life got me down again.
and i felt like i was all of a sudden pushed back to square one.

i told my counselor how i failed.
i was embarrassed that after having one really great week how i could fall down yet again.
i thought something was wrong with me, like i was incapable of holding on to any good feeling i had.
why was this so hard for me?

then my counselor said, “well that sounds very ambitious of you. why do you expect to be totally in control of your feelings after one week? you are a big perfectionist, aren’t you?”

it all just kind of hit me.
yeah, i am a perfectionist and yeah, i set very ambitious expectations for myself.
and it’s not necessarily a good thing.

i then learned a very important rule which i have tried to follow ever since:
the 80/20 rule.

in school, you don’t have to get 100% on every test to pass the class.
90% is still an A {depending on the teacher i guess…}
and 80% is a pretty good high average.
so you might miss 20% of the questions, but that doesn’t mean you failed!
you still passed with high marks.

this is how i’ve started to look at my hard days.
i can’t be perfectly happy 100% of the time.
life isn’t perfect. life is hard. life is going to continue to be hard!
Elijah will whine, me and Adam will argue, and i will question my ability as a mother & wife.
these are facts. 

so i allow myself to have hard days.
i give myself a 20% cushion to be upset & overwhelmed.
and then i try better the next day to reach that goal of an 80% passing rate.

the truth is, i still struggle a lot!
but following the 80/20 rule has been one of my saving graces.
it gives me more perspective & balance to my life.
and it helps keep me motivated to move forward.

maybe soon i’ll actually be strong enough to work up to a 90/10 rate.
maybe 95/5 {hah! yeah right! that seems impossible}
but i know that if i keep trying to at least have more good days than bad [and allow myself to have the bad days] i'm on the right track to happiness.