when we were visiting Adam’s family, there was this little doll that Eli would play with so sweetly
he would rub its face,
hold it perfectly like a little baby (when he’s never held one before, mind you!),
push it around in a stroller,
and just take care of it.
whenever we see other little babies around town, on TV, or in church, Eli gets to excited and just starts staring at them wanting to touch them and play with them.
he loves babies!
when i tell people this, their natural reaction is:
“sounds like Eli needs a little brother or sister!”
and then i cry.
it’s totally understandable that people would say this. or even for people to ask when we are going to have another baby. especially in the area i live in, it’s common to see women pregnant with their second, third, etc. baby when their youngest is around Elijah’s age.
and if you want to have your kids 2 years apart {that golden age difference} it makes sense to get pregnant now.
but i am SO NOT READY FOR IT!
and honestly, it is really hard to admit that to other women.
while they’re getting ready for another baby, i’m barely able to keep up with the E-man.
while they’re perfecting their waddle, i’m sitting in the corner trying to figure out how to handle another day.
while they’re having baby showers, i’m at home crying because i can’t handle another Sunday with Elijah running around the hallways.
but i feel like i’m expected to be ready.
i’m expected to want another baby.
i’m expected to be pregnant again.
and it’s a lot of pressure.
however, i know there is a plan for me and my family!
i know that when the time is right both Adam and i will feel ready to add to our little family.
{and we do want more kids!!}
i know that what i’m supposed to be doing right now is learning to be the best mother for Elijah and show him the love & care he needs and deserves.
i know that right now i shouldn’t be too worried about expanding our family as much as expanding ourselves!
i do love my family!
i love waking up to Eli’s smiling face
i love seeing Eli’s face light up as he learns new things.
i love when Adam comes home and talks and plays with us after a long day.
i love the place we are in now.
i love learning how to fulfill my calling and become a better mother.
it is really hard sometimes.
but right now it is good.
right now i think we are getting to a good place.
we’ll make it.
i know the Lord has a plan for me. and i am so grateful for that knowledge.
i also know each of our lives, choices, & decisions are different. and for me and my family it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing, as long as we are doing what we are supposed to be doing for our given situation. and right now, i know this is what is right for me.
and that is pretty much a way better feeling than worrying about “peer-pressure!”
i should remember that
:)
post-edit: i don’t mean to come across in this post that people are rude to me and say things to me all the time. that is not the case. i know i put the pressure on myself when i see other people having babies but not feeling ready.
i just wanted to express my feelings that we are all in different situations with different needs and emotions. what may be right for me might not be right for another person. and right now i am just trying to enjoy my little family and become the best mother and wife i can be.
and that’s what is right for me.
15 comments:
Hey! Dont let other people make you feel like you HAVE to have another baby! Its your family and your life. :) No pressure! You have that second baby when you know its right. :)
I have two brothers, one I am four years older and we are really close! The other I am almost 6 1/2 years older and it's totally different but it's good.
Don't worry a bit! Sometimes sprouting out babes isn't the best for you family, being a good mom IS! Much much more important.
I loved this blog post! I sympathize as I have two boys under age 4. It is very difficult but I often feel a lot of peer pressure from others who have 3 or 4 kids, not to mention hearing advice that if I don't have them close together they won't be as close. But I have my hands full with two, and while I love them more than anything I am just not ready despite everyone else's encouragement as well as my own "baby fever" which I have to ignore because I am just NOT ready. LOL But you are right we have to expand ourselves before we expand our bellies again. :) Sincerely,
Tori
http://the-edge-of-the-sky.blogspot.com
You just worry about you and your family. There isn't just one right way to raise and add to your family, and those people know that. I'm sure they're just trying to be nice. :o)
It's really funny b/c I have a 9-year-old, and probably for eight of those years I've been getting this same question. I'm 28 now, so I bet I'll still be getting this for another 6-7 years. ;o)
So glad you are waiting for God's timing. I had two of my kids 3.5 years apart and then the middle and youngest 17 months apart. I've learned the hard way, that I am a 3 plus year type of girl.: )
I agree with everyone else, when you and your family are ready you will know, no doubt about it. There isn't a formula for the perfect family. I've realized that a lot of sibling interaction and love is what you make of it. If you make family unity and love a priority you'll all love each other. Whether you're 18months-2years apart or 5 years apart, it doesn't matter. But good luck, peer pressure stinks!
I can empathize a bit. Clint and I have been married for 5 months and people pressure us into having a baby. They feel the need to remind us to keep our priorities straight and that our family is way more important than school, and I agree. But I don't think it's wrong to wait ONE YEAR until I'm done with school. Anyway. This is kind of like a post I wrote the other day. If you didn't see it, I talked about an analogy my therapist gave me about plates. We all have a plate. A lot of us try to shove WAY too much on a plate and then get made at the plate because it can't handle it. But really, a plate isn't designed t hold a whole turkey ten pounds of mashed potatoes, 2 dozen rolls, etc. You know what you can handle. Stick with it. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. I personally think you sound like a great mother!
You have to have another one only when you are ready! Not when everyone else thinks you should be ready! I'm in the same boat as you, girl!
It amazes me how much people think they have the right to tell another person how they should approach children and family. I don't have children and don't plan on it at any time soon. Each couple knows when the time is right for them. People need to respect that and keep their noses out of others business. Enjoy this time with your little family :) that is what matters most. :)
I completely understand where you're coming from. All of my friends have either just had a baby, are pregnant now, or actively trying to get pregnant. I feel forced to do the same, yet neither my husband, nor I feel led to have another child right now (or possibly ever). Our son will be 2 in 2 weeks and I'm no where near ready to have a baby in our house. My son requires my attention more now than ever.
Don't let others get you down girl! :) All in God's timing!
It will all happen when it is supposed to happen. Don't feel pressured :) I know that is hard...to not be if you feel it, but it is none of their business but yours and the Lord! And I think I am ready for a baby now!!
Love this. And I am sure that you are doing exactly what is right for your adorable little family. :] Expectations from others and from ourselves are so hard to overcome though.
I like you Megan. You're a good mom. And you're smart. There should be more women like you. xoxo
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