on my mind

Adam preparing Elijah for the craziness of the Easter egg hunt. i thought that look of being overwhelmed captured my feelings perfectly. 
about once a week i think about shutting down this blog. 
not because of any bad critics or mean comments 
{i feel lucky to not have anyone too vocal come out yet...}
but just from my own feelings of inadequacy & frustrations over the whole blogging scene.

many times i feel like i will never be good enough, never amount to much,
none of this will really be worth it.
i mean, blogging is such a weird, strange world of its own.
what's the point of it all in the end?

i had big dreams and ambitions and so often i feel like i'm not really living up to that.
[and they didn't involve money. i just want to put that out there.]
especially when it can feel like you try hard... but it doesn't seem to really do much.
i'm sure i'm not the only one with that feeling right??

i think quite often, what's my story anyways? what's my purpose? where do i fit in to it all?
do i fit in anywhere? or is this all just a lot of time wasted.
i mean, i used to know my purpose but sometimes it feels very jumbled and confused.

{and really you can say over and over that we blog for ourselves and as much as that is true, when you have a message that you hope to share you do want others to enjoy your blog as well. right? it's for you but public blogs are also started for readers too. or am i saying too much and i'm going to get lynched??}

but then i think about how amazing blogging can be.
how blessed i feel from the incredible friendships i've made and the opportunities i've had.
i think about some of the wonderful conversations i've had with people, the way i found a strong and supportive community in a time where i felt so lost and alone.
and all that brings back the feelings and motivation that got me started blogging in the first place.

it's a love/hate relationship, this blogging thing.
there is so much good that can from it, but it can be so incredibly discouraging.
it can feel so empowering or it can make you feel so insecure.
i mean, it can be all Mean Girls up in here!

but among all the high-school-ness of it there are a lot of good people that i'm grateful for,
and good people who are trying to bring the community & love back into blogging.

i think the good can definitely outweigh the bad.
but in times where i feel the most discouraged, the most down on myself and start giving in to my weakness to compare, it can sometimes be hard to find the good in it all.
i let my sensitivity and insecurities get the best of me maaaannnnnyyyyyy times.

the good is there though.
and when i feel the most inspired, i can't wait to write more on this silly little blog.
bare my soul & all.
so i guess it's still all good for something, yeah yeah??
something that keeps me going in the end.

[if you made it through this post, APPLAUSE. i'm pretty sure i hardly made sense or had any kind of coherency whatsoever. so gold stars to all of you if you understood any of my babblingalso, i didn't mean for this to sound like some kind of pity party. i hesitated posting because i was afraid it would all sound like that. so i apologize in advance. 

and now i'm done with all my post-scripts :)]


Katie said...

i am right there with you!! i love so many things about blogging but then lately on weekly basis wonder if it's worth it and if i should keep it up. it seems like it gets harder to find a balance and know how much to put in to it!

Megs said...

Keep with it. I know I'd be sad if you stopped, and I know others would be as well!

Kassi said...

I completely get where you're coming from. Honestly I have been feeling the exact same way lately. There was a time there that I was all gung-ho for my blog! I was social networking, guest posting, trying to get my name out there like crazy. Then when you get absolutely nothing back from all that work you get frustrated. At least I did. I have several loyal readers who I would even call friends, but you're right, even if your blog is just for you it's a huge ego boost to have someone else be able to read and relate to what you're talking about. Plus if you really have a message you want to share you can't share it without more readers... Anyway, long story short, it all makes sense to me. I took a break for awhile only posting here and there and I'm starting to try to get back into it, hopefully it will be better this time around.

Alyssa said...

Yeah! Sometimes blogging is frustrating and high school like. Those are the bad parts. But you are awesome and obviously such a great blogger! (:


Chelsea said...

Hugs! I agree with you. Blogging is no freakin' joke. It's hard work, but for what? It's kind of silly in a way, isn't it? Half the time when I tell people that I'm a blogger, I don't even know how to explain "blogging" to them. I just have to nod and feel all awkward when I tell them that I just sit around and write about myself and Alea. Haha! Please don't stop blogging though... I would miss you!

Kristine@thefoleyfam said...

So proud of you for posting!!! I think "funks" r normal whether they last a day, or weeks, or longer. Fully agree that the blogging community is one weird place ;) Ive thought these thoughts as well, and when the bad start outweighing the good id hope id step back and reevaluate blogging. Hugs sent ure way Megan!

Stacey said...

Thanks not stopping your writing! I'd miss you! As always, I love your honesty...you are a wonderful writer and an encouragement to me!

Unknown said...

This post is EXACTLY how I'm feeling today. I'm a new blogger and I think I had too big of goals, hopes and dreams for my blog to start out with. I would read amazing blogs (like yours!) and be so inspired, wishing I could have a blog that looked like that. Sometimes I'm too hard on myself and I hope I'm not the only one. I'm trying to keep mine going and I really do enjoy it I find myself constantly doubting what I write about, thinking people won't like it or think I'm dumb. So I agree with you completely and just want you to know that you have an awesome blog! Keep it up because little newbie bloggers like me look up to you! :) jessiejoathome.blogspot.com

Elise Engh said...

I feel like this a lot.... it's not just you. I think we all struggle with feeling good enough and not comparing. It's so hard to just love yourself for who you are and what you do. For me to enjoy blogging, I have to able to balance it out with the rest of life, which can be hard to do also. I sometimes go crazy and spend waaaay too much time on it. So ya, I wonder a lot if I'm wasting time, or if it will be worth it in the end. But from what I've read from you so far, you are a good influence in the world and the world needs more of that. So I'm glad there are good people out there like you who take the time to write about good important things.

~Anchored In Christ~ said...

Dont get me wrong I like blogging but for the past 3 mths the BS I've been thru and how it wont quit what ever I do. It doesnt help. I feel like all my freedom and everything I have is just gone. Yes I've gained good friends thru blog but some can't understand what I'm going thru b/c they've never been there.

Jess said...

I loved this post. I feel the exact same way. I absolutely love your blog. Your definitely someone I look up to and would consider a great influence for good in this crazy blogging world.

Unknown said...

loved reading this, and I know all of us can relate. But then again, if we didn't blog, imagine losing all of this, where you can share your life! it's too fun ;)

Unknown said...

Love this post Megan! It's amazing the good that does come. I've seen some seriously ugly pieces of blogging and have stopped and quit a couple times. Now on blog #3/4 I'm realizing the good does outweigh the bad.

I'm glad I've met you- even if just recently! Thanks for being honest and down-to-earth! We need to remember there's a community and connections, not fakeness and comparisons :)

katilda said...

Sometimes I totally stop and think, "what's the point of blogging again? Am I doing any good in the world with it? What eternal significance does this have?" Mostly, I think we can beat ourselves into the ground if we spend too much time thinking every. little. thing. we do has to be something big or specifically spiritual or saving the world, etc. I think God wants us to be happy, and happy sometimes means "silly" things like blogging. And, in truth, blogging DOES accomplish something amazing with the communities and friendships it builds! Think of all the women BEFORE blogging who felt like they had no one to connect with or no one to share an opinion with. I'm totally with you on the wondering what it's all for sometimes, but I always come back to the same conclusion -- it makes me happy, and that's enough :)

Alexis Kaye said...

You total made sense. And I agree with so much of what you said! I feel like that too. But I'm glad you blog! I would have never met you and you've become one of my best friends! Hope I'm not too over eager in saying that, haha!

Alicia said...

I love reading your blog! Although I don't have a blog, I love to read others' blogs, and yours is one of my new favorites. I like that you are so real and honest, I feel like so many people present their lives on blogs as just happy go lucky. It's refreshing to hear about your real life and real struggles.

Aubrey said...

even though we already had a full twitter conversation about this, i still feel the need/desire to comment again. i love reading your blog. i really really do. i think so much good comes from blogging, but with the good always comes the bad. like i said on twitter, i'm glad we're all in this together and can support each other in the rough times.

Meghan said...

I've had a lot of these thoughts lately too! Good to know that I'm not the only crazy one!

Jenna said...

Whenever I think about quitting my blog (for most of the same reasons you gave, actually -- you're not alone) I think about the real reason I started: my husband, mom and dad said I'm a good writer and they wanted me to document my time as a news intern. Even if they were the only three people who read my blog, I would still keep writing. I love all my readers but I'm only doing it because they love it and I love them. :)

Jenn @ What You Make It said...

This is a great post : ) Rock on. I totally get where you're coming from. Some days I'm like, why am I even doing this? But I can't see myself letting it go either. It's been such a great experience, what with interacting with all kinds of people I never would have been able to talk to otherwise. And I really love getting creative and sharing. And you're appreciated, by the way! I really love your blog : )

Leilani said...

I know exactly how you feel. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.