i always wanted to be a mother...

i always wanted to be a mother 

i always wanted to be able to take care of someone else, 

but i didn't realize how much i needed to be taken care of.

i always wanted to raise a child & watch them grow, teach them how to be the best they can be,

but i didn't know how much i needed to grow & constantly be pushed to be a better person.

i always wanted to be the one who can make someone else happy, be the reason why they giggle & smile all day long, 

but i didn't know how much i needed someone to make me the happiest i've ever felt. 

i always wanted to feel needed, to be relied upon for another,  

but i didn't know how much i needed to rely one someone else. 

i always wanted to make a positive influence in a little person's life, 

but i didn't know how much i needed to have that positive influence in my own life. 

i always wanted to be able to show care & affection to a precious spirit child of my own, 

but i didn't know how much i needed to have that care & affection reciprocated back. 

i always wanted to be looked up to, 

but i didn't know how much i needed to look up to a little someone else instead. 

i always wanted to be the one who comforts another, who kisses their boo-boos & mends their broken hearts, 

but i didn't know how much i needed comforting of my own. 

i always wanted to be able to feel powerful, overwhelming love for another, 

but i didn't know how much i needed to have that kind of love given back to me.

i always wanted to be a mother,

but i didn't realize how much i needed Elijah more than anything. 

"Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones." 

-Elder Jeffery R. Holland 

from one of my absolute favorite talks

motherhood is the most challenging and most wonderful thing i have ever done in my life. 

it stretches me, humbles me, strengthens me, encourages me, and pushes me more than i could have ever imagined. 

it is not anything i expected. it's better in ways i can't describe. 

to the little boy that made me a mother, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

i love you with all my heart & more. i am a better person because of you, i am happier with you in my life, and i need you more than i think you need me. [well, emotionally. physically you need me more so i can feed you and stuff...]

there is no one else i would rather share this mothering journey with than you. 

i have waited so long for your sweet spirit to come into my life. 

Happy 3rd, little E-Rock!!