don't know what you have til it's gone

[these chubby pictures are helping me get through the day]

i woke up in the middle of the night last night sick. 

very sick.
and have been stuck in bed sick all day. 

i'm the biggest wimp when it comes to sickness. 

and so when my stomach & body is totally rebelling me then i just curl up in a ball and want to die. 

so that has been my day in a nutshell. 

but even worse than those intense stomach pains is hearing my son cry or call out my name or run towards my bedroom door and i can't do anything about it. 

Adam came home from school early and has been taking care of Elijah.
{which i'm so SO grateful for especially since he has finals next week. the sacrifices that guy makes...}

he also has quarantined me to my room. 

i'm not even allowed to go out in the living room and touch anything.
seriously.
as i was trying to get a drink he said,
"don't touch anything! i'll get it. go lay down." 

so... there's that. 

and though i completely understand and agree that i shouldn't be around Eli right now for fear of getting him sick,
{cause if there's one thing worse than being sick yourself, it's taking care of a sick toddler who has no idea why his body hates him}
i also miss being able to take care of Eli. 

there i said it. 

i miss taking care of him. 

i know i complain a lot to Adam and to Facebook and to Twitter and to my blog readers
[and to God]
about how difficult Elijah is at this age.
and i mean it, he's really hard! 

but hearing him in the other room laughing makes my heart ache. 
i wish i could be out there playing with him,
laughing with him, 

watching him learn something new, 

all the things that i take for granted every day.

we have our own little routine,
we are buds,
we get each other, 

and we love each other.  

and although i'm so entirely grateful for Adam for stepping in today, it's just not the same. 

he doesn't know him like i do. 

i know tomorrow or the next day when i am back to hearing Elijah's whines and he's slapping me across the face i will wish i was quarantined again. 

but for my own sake i wanted to write down these feelings so i can look back and remember the time that i actually missed him instead of wanting the toddler years to go away forever. 

cause he really is the cutest kid! 

he's the weirdest kid i have ever met.
and the best part of my life.