best friends.

when we first got to California, we were so excited to have a backyard for Elijah to play. 

we figured it would be a big hit with him and he would want to be out there all day.
and that part was mostly true, but we came into a small snag at first.

Elijah didn't really know how to entertain himself alone.

this has always been a "problem" that me and Adam have discussed a lot.
Elijah isn't the kind of kid that really plays by himself for hours, or even minutes, at a time.
he is constantly wanting someone else to entertain him.
"not so good at an imagination" we would say.

for the last 3-ish years i have been really frustrated by it.
obviously i want to play with my child and i want to spend time with him.
but allllllllll day everyday?
i'm sorry i'm not a perfect parent that has energy for that... but i just don't have energy for that.
i want to do my own thing sometimes.
i want to just sit on the couch uninterrupted for 15 minutes.
too much to ask? felt that way.

so when we knew we'd have a backyard for 2.5 weeks, we were thinking how great it will be for Eli to finally learn how to play alone.
"he will love it!" we said.

but he wouldn't stay out there alone.
and when he did he would just get into trouble.
we would go out and play with him for a while and then when we were ready to go inside he was, of course, still wanting to play more outside with us.

one day i was talking about how Elijah can't just play by himself and how he needs a playmate when all of a sudden it hit me.
i AM the playmate!

i am the friend!
i am the one he chooses to want to play with each day!
why am i fighting it so much??

maybe Elijah doesn't know how to make up his own stories and play with his toys with an imagination, but have i ever sat down and taught him how?
maybe Elijah doesn't like playing alone and wants to be with me {his lame mom} all day, but why am i acting like it's such a bad thing?
he's only little for so long... my "projects"/"work" isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
so why am i fighting this so much?

i honestly don't know why i've been so reluctant to be the "playmate" for so long.
i mean, i play with him but more often than not i complain to Adam how i wish Elijah could just entertain himself sometimes.
i have theories about why it has taken me so long to make this realization but i think mainly it's probably cause i'm just a bad parent. and lazy.
honestly.

since we got back i have tried hard to change how we do things.
i've made a schedule of activities to do each day that keeps us busy and entertained.
i've tried to limit any of my projects to while Eli is at preschool, nap time, and bed time.
[which explains the spotty blog posts]
i've tried hard to focus on being more present and more hands-on than before.
and i've noticed a big change in both of our attitudes and happiness levels during the day.
big difference.

yes i am the mom.
i'm a teacher, nurse, cook, maid, butler, chalk artist, baseball pitcher, teddy bear voice actor, singer, dancer, baker, best hide & seeker.
and best friend.
and that's really that's the second best job out of the bunch 
[next to mom obviously :)]