ten years

i originally wrote this as a post on After Nine to Five but after having the most frustrating 2 days potty training Elijah, all these thoughts of "seriously why is this my life??????" kept popping in my head.

as i was trying to clear my head & write a post for today, i came across this post. it really opened my eyes and snapped me out of my pitiful state. i CAN choose to be happy and find the good among the excessive bathroom breaks & messes. it's just hard to remember that sometimes. 
{so thank you past self for reminding me ;)}

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where do you see yourself in 10 years??

i always hated that question in school. you know when you meet your new teacher and in an effort to get to know each student they ask you a series of questions, one of the last always being "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"

how do i know where i'm going to be in 10 years?? i mean, of course i had hopes and ambitions of where i wanted to be in 10 years. but i also knew that what i wanted for myself in that moment would probably change in the next weeks, months, or even in 10 years.

so i basically always put the generic answer,
"married with a couple of kids and doing something i love."
yep. pretty specific there, right?

but honestly i just really didn't know what i wanted. or what i knew i was going to want for a long time. my dreams kept changing. i kept changing.

now that i look back on my life and think about where i was 10 years ago, i don't think i ever would have imagined my life to be how it is now. not in a bad way, necessarily. just stating the fact.

there's been A LOT of ups and downs.
a lot of disappointments and triumphs.
a lot of tears and laughter.
a lot of dreams shattered and new ones blossomed.
a lot of unexpected twists and pleasant surprises.

i think a lot of our lives haven't gone exactly according to plan.
{and if you are one of the lucky ones where it has, then more power to you!}
i am sure a lot of us didn't write down in our "10 years" question, "in 10 years i will get married, have a miscarriage, my parents will divorce, lose a job, get on welfare, lose a friend, have a baby, and be in lots of debt."

um. no. cause no one thinks that will happen to them. we all want to hope for the best!

but when things take a wrong turn it can be hard to find that hope again.
it can be hard to remember what the whole point of the last few years was.

however, even when life seems to be going in the opposite direction of what we want,  there are always blessings to be counted. i know when my life may not seem like it didn't follow my specifications, it is probably because it is following someone else's. and i know that even with all the bad and unexpected, so much happiness can still be found.

no, my life is definitely not what i dreamed it would be 10 years ago.
there's lots of things i either wish i did or wish i never did. and there are many dreams that have had to be put on hold.

but i also know my life is full of love and fulfillment if i choose to look for it! 
there are also so many great things that i never would have chosen for myself.

on the days where i get really down, crying to my husband, "i never asked for this(!!!!)," i know that if i just remember to recognize the good among the unexpected, my life can become the one i wished for 10 years ago.

so where do you see yourself in 10 years? ;)