who am i?::edit

my body is overcome. i am no longer in control.

i can’t sleep. i’m exhausted but can’t sleep. it confuses me. and i eat {always} it feels like but it’s never enough. tonight i ate a big mac meal. now that i think about it, it sounds pretty disgusting. and i was okay for about… 2 hours. then i couldn’t sleep. and my little friend started grumbling at me. i needed some more food. [it’s such a chore].

i hate being “pregnant.” i mean i love being pregnant. i love my baby. but i hate the fact of pregnancy as my “excuse” and as my “burden.” i can barely make it through school or work. and people tell me, “it’s okay megan, you have a baby in your stomach.” and i love my little baby in the stomach. but i hate having people tell me it’s okay to slack, it’s okay to sleep all day, and it’s okay to miss things because i have the “best excuse.” but to me it shouldn’t just be an excuse and a chore to grow a little one. i just want to be me, at my best, with a little addition that just makes me better.

and that’s what’s hard. it’s just my addition and me slowly falling behind. do i sound selfish and pitiful? it’s okay. i know i am.

i feel at times like i don’t really know who {or what} my body is anymore. it is foreign. and it not longer loves me. it loves some little, lime sized, healthy, happy person who doesn’t have a name [or a type] yet.

and i guess i’m okay with that. it’s for a good cause.

but it is definitely hard.

but this wonderful lady has helped me realize how i can get through it with this and this. it just reiterates to me that however hard this may be, it is not about me anymore but about my precious babe.

{and for that, i know definitely who i am and what my purpose has become.}

edit:: i realize with a {semi} good sleep and not being two in the morning, {semi} without my stomach hurting, and {semi} without a painful headache that this post doesn't make a lot of sense and it is just a bunch of rambling. i apologize you have to read it.