watch your tone

i'm a very very sensitive person, 
{something i've been trying to work on and control better.}
so when even a tiny, little ounce of negativity is somehow directed towards me [or around me] i become hurt and defensive {and angry} pretty quickly. 

this personality flaw trait has come with many challenges in my life 
and especially in my marriage. 

if Adam is having a bad day and is [in my own opinion] short with me or snaps at me in any way, 
BOOM--my defensive walls come up. 

if he is not paying attention to something i am asking and doesn't respond in a way i prefer, 

and now i'm probably in the bedroom crying/seething

it also goes both ways. if i'm snappy with Adam it upsets him as well because i'm not acting very kind. he's no where near as bad as me with my reaction but the feelings are similar. 

these interactions have helped me realize how important it is to check not just what we say, 
but how we say it. 

Adam can say the simplest thing to me, but if i detect any hint of annoyance, frustration, or, what i perceive as, condescension, i question his motives and the validity of what he is saying. this more often than not leads to something getting blown out of proportion and more than one person's feelings getting hurt. however, at the time we feel justified in our emotions because we think we are reading into what the other is really trying to say by how they are showing their true feelings through their tone of voice.

now, instead of immediately giving in my sensitive nature, i try to ask Adam what he really meant.
did you mean to say that angrily? 
are you annoyed by something? 
why was your tone so negative? 

if he's upset, he'll tell me and we can work it out. 
but most of the time he may have said it too fast and it came across more negative than was his intention.

communication in a relationship is important. 
but how we communicate through our tone of voice can have an even bigger consequence.

linking up with the Marriage & Relationship Goals link-up


Ashley Ziegler said...

Thank you for sharing. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone!! I struggle with this too often, and I always feel ashamed because I'm feel like I'm not trying harder to be a better wife, but I know with time and practice I'll be able to work through it. Thanks for sharing :)

Blair said...

I love this! I think our personalities must be really similar. I struggle with being too sensitive too. Really cute picture of you and Adam!

Amberly said...

Awesome! I think that's great! :) That's something that I'm probably guilty of too without even realizing it! Thanks for linking up with us! :)

Unknown said...

I am the SAME way! I'm always telling Dave, "It's not what you said, but how you said it." It really does make a huge difference, especially for those of us who are sensitive/emotional. :)

Kalyn Randolph said...

There are so many times I feel this same way! Just reading through this post I caught myself nodding my head multiple times in reference to my flaws. I think this is a wonderful idea for a goal this month in your marriage! Thanks for linking up with us! I hope that so many other wives and girlfriends feel inspired to follow suite as well! I think this is definitely something that we can all learn from no matter the relationship!

katilda said...

I really like what you said about pausing to ask if someone meant to say something angrily. I think it diffuses the tension a little without attacking them. Excellent words! Also, you look so much like Elijah in that picture. I mean, he has your face.

Unknown said...

I am this way too! I don't know why and I don't like it, but it's hard to change. I think I blow things way out of proportion, but gosh it's hard not too! I need to work on this!

Quintin said...

Very well said