last year on September 11th, i lost sight of my marriage for a brief moment.
i lost the long-term perspective of what is meant to make a marriage work.

this year, i’m realizing that i’m losing sight again. but not of my marriage this time.
i’ve lost sight on the blessing & importance of being a mother.

this tiny, sweet baby that i once {thought} i could never get enough of
i now feel like i’ve had enough.

toddlerhood will be the death of me.

tonight when Adam got home late from studying, i was tickling Elijah’s back on the couch and told Adam, “you got back just in time.”
he laughed and said, “look at him! he looks so sweet, how can you be mad at him?”

i glared and just said, “you don’t even know.”

the thing is i do love Elijah.
i love him so much.
so much so that even when he slaps me 8 times a day i still can’t wait to kiss him when he wakes up.
i do love him.

but lately it’s been more difficult for me to remember how important my role as mother is.
when there are times where i feel like i’m only putting him in timeout all day, it can feel so absolutely pointless.
how do i ever cherish this time in my life?

Adam tries to remind me of my blessed role as a mother.
how special it is that i get to stay home to raise Elijah and teach him correct principles.
how great it is that i get to develop this loving relationship with him.
and to that i say, “yeah, well, you don’t have to do it so of course it seems good to you.”

after a hard week last week with Elijah’s constant temper tantrums, i decided we needed a day to detox a little,
just be lazy and just spend one on one {loving} time together.
so all we did today was watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, had a dance party, and cuddled on the couch.

we didn’t practice counting or the alphabet
or read any books {well maybe one or two}
or color pictures
or even go outside.
[and to be honest, we probably don’t do any of that most days. but today just felt especially lazy.]

but we enjoyed each other.
we loved on each other.
we cherished the time spent with each other.
something i probably don’t make enough of a priority during the regular day-to-day hustle.

i know that once we’re out of this hellish 2-year-old stage and i’m looking back at my time with Elijah, these are the days that i’m going to remember the most.
i know i will still remember how hard it is [because seriously it’s so hard!]
but i also know that when that times comes i would give anything to have my little boy cuddle with me on the couch all day again.

on this anniversary of 9/11, i hope we can all remember to cherish those we love most.
{even through the difficult times}
i know it shouldn’t have to take a tragic incident to remind us of how blessed we are,
but unfortunately sometimes it does.
and hopefully we can honor those who have gone before us, and those who have sacrificed for us, by being grateful for what we have & who we have in our lives.


Ugochi said...

So true Megan, these cherished moments are priceless and the memories we will live to treasure.

Beth said...

Thanks for sharing! Tommy definitely makes me crazy (sleep through the night? take a nap? no thank you!) so this is a good reminder. :)

Kristen said...

Oh man!! I'm feeling ya, sistah!! I stay home (and work at home) with my 3 year old & 1.5 yr old, and my 1.5 year old has been going through the terrible two's her entire life :( & our 3 year old has never had them. Polar opposites. Sometimes I feel I treat them differently or that I need to pay more attention to my younger one because she is just that way. It's SO hard. I loved readin that first paragraph. And I read it 3 times, because it felt so comforting. I feel at times that I'm a bad mom because I HATE this stage in our lives and I feel it'll never end! AHHHH THANK YOU!!!! I really needed this!


Carsedra McKoy said...

You always have some of the most truthful and honest post. I as a mother and wife I really thank you for being so open because I know many of us ladies go through the same things at one point or other and makes us feel better to know we aren't alone in what we feel and can have someone to talk to!!!

Carsedra of:

CAS said...

Just hang in there. It seems impossible at times, but you will come to treasure these moments & you will be able to laugh about it -- seriously!

Hope you are adjusting to Arizona. The beautiful time of year is just around the corner!


Health, art, and the girl gamer said...

AMEN! Ky is 4.5 and as I wrote before, I vividly remember her epic tantrums and they could be pretty horrid. I felt frustrated constantly! We totally get nothing done everyday, watch tons of movies that have meaning and are what I watched as a kid, and you know, she still manages to count in French and is learning her alphabet! I say make your days as easy as possible and don't schedule much, only what really must be done. This age is so difficult, and homesteading is the way to go! You are doing a great job, and this phase will end soon :)

AbsoluteMommy said...

Every day is a challenge, we just have to not let the challenges define us. Motherhood is the one job we'd never apply for but are ultimately happy to have. It's one day at a time, step by step. Find joy in the small victories and motivation in the challenges. No matter the age, the challenge continues, but you will find that as you go along you find yourself and the motherhood that fits you.

Kassi Mortensen said...

Absolutely! That can be said for any relationship. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm someone who wants to just walk away when someone is bothering me, getting on my nerves, disagrees with me... whatever. I tend to just let go and walk away. It's a nasty habit. We should all take the time to cherish those in our lives, especially in times when things don't go as planned....

Alexis Kaye said...

What a great day to remember this day. I am so sorry you are in such a rough stage of motherhood right now. I know you can handle it though. There's no better mother for Elijah :)

dusanabotswana said...

so true that we shouldn't need tragedy to remind us of our blessings but at least you did remember! i'm sure that can be so tough but hopefully w/ more breaks like that you'll enjoy the short time w/ him as a little guy to the fullest : ) & it def is a blessing to be able to stay home w/ him, I know family members of mine would have loved to but couldn't.

Camille said...

I definitely find myself burnt out from being the disciplinarian not only all day, but 24/7 because our daughter will not listen to my husband at all. He's the "fun" one. But I think focusing on bonding time does help, as does getting me time. So if I'm feeling overwhelmed and snippy, I don't hesitate to ask my husband to take her to the park, just the two of them, on his days off. I really don't let the mommy guilt get to me anymore because we can't enjoy every single minute. That doesn't mean we don't love our kids with all our hearts!