in my dreams

Sometimes {oftentimes} I get really discouraged about things... 
I get frustrated that all I do is stay home, 
that I'm not using my degree in a career that I've always wanted, 
that we are still students and will forever be students, 
that I don't have XYZ like so-and-so does, 
that I've washed the same dishes 183462 times and folded laundry 7289 more times, 
that my life is just... plain.
not what I expected. 

Then I have these moments of perfect clarity, 
where all of a sudden I'm my past self peeking in the window of the present, 
and I think 
this is all I've ever wanted. 

Growing up I imagined my handsome & loving husband coming home, wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace and giving me a kiss on the cheek as I finish preparing dinner. 
I thought of my sweet little children, playing and laughing all day as I got to stay home and make up stories with them. 
I pictured going on family walks, holding the baby while my husband chased my older kids on their bikes. 
I dreamt of a loving home, full of happiness & joy & chubby babies, and all of us coming together at then end of the day reading stories and giving piggy back rides to bed. 

Throughout the years many of my goals & aspirations in life have changed. 
My career goals have ranged from teacher to doctor to therapist to hair stylist and everywhere in between. 
My dream home is continually evolving. 
My likes, wants, desires are shifting daily. 

But the one thing that has never, ever changed has been my dreams for my family. 

And although there have been many unexpected things along the way, 
many hard times and sorrows, 
I look at my cute, sweet, perfect little family of four and think, 
"This is what I've always dreamed of
and all that will ever matter." 

1 comment:

Autumn @ Autumn All Along said...

Everyone does it!! Just last night I asked Devin if we were ever going to feel like we weren't budget crunching at all times, but then I thought back to a few years ago and realized we have more than then and still we've always had everything we have needed. The humbling part is that I teach English to refugees and new immigrants and I realize how much we have and yet sometimes I still am not happy with it. It is really humbling for me to realize this about myself.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)