FOUR

It's hard to believe that this little sweet baby is FOUR years old today. 

FOUR!

I just pulled an all-nighter getting ready for his big 4-year-old birthday party. 

[party planning = reason why this blog has been neglected]

Because I love that boy. 

And I want more than anything for him to always feel special. 

Especially as his last birthday as an only child. 

And now I'm sitting here crying, looking through old baby pictures, and missing my chubby sweet baby, even though I know he's in the next room over sleeping peacefully. 

This boy has my whole heart. 

I love him more than I feel like my body can handle sometimes.  

These last four years have not been the easiest. 

Motherhood has been hard. 

But a lot of times I feel like that's on me, not him. 

I need to learn to be better. 

Cause truly, he is perfect & amazing. 

Elijah is my baby, my hope, and my will to live. 

He has changed me. 

He teaches me. 

He makes me a better person each and every day 

{even if I'm grumpy...} 

I love the way he always wants to cuddle with me. 

I love the way his little mind works, always trying to figure things out. 

[He's waaaaay too smart for me already!] 

I love the way he talks, his little voice melts me every time. 

I love the way he does his "robot dance." 

I love the way he's sensitive & kind. 

I love the way he wants to help constantly. 

I love the way his personality. 

I love his eyes, his eyelashes. 

I love his tiny nose and the way he scrunches it when he is trying not to smile. 

I love the way he knows what every song is called on the radio. 

I love that he knows all the words to "Story of My Life" and the dance moves. 

I love his curiosity. 

I love his ambition. 

And at times, I love his energy. ;) 

Most days I get really nervous thinking how I could ever love another baby as much as I love Elijah. 

Or how in the world my heart will grow to love both. 

I look at Elijah and I just swell with pride & adoration. 

I love him so much. 

He will always be the one that made me a mother. 

He will always be the one that pushed me and strengthened me more than anything. 

He will always be the one that taught me how to love more fully and unconditionally. 

And tonight for his lullaby, Elijah requested I sing the "Baby Elijah" song I made up for him so long ago. I felt like it was a perfect song on the eve of his birthday. And I sang it with all the love I could convey. 

He will always be mine. 

Always my baby.