emotional motherhood confessions

Last week was kind of a rough one with this little one. 
We had two good days and three bad ones. 

Very bad ones. 
"Making me second guess having another kid" bad ones. 

I have been at a loss of how to teach this boy.
I feel like I have tried everything when it comes to teaching, training, discipline, consequences... 
And nothing works. 

Which quite honestly scares me to feel so out of control with another one on the way. 

And out of control I feel everrrrrrryday. 

I hate feeling angry.
I hate feeling upset.
I hate feeling overwhelmed. 
I hate feeling mean & unloving. 
I hate feeling like a terrible mom.  
A feeling that sticks with me 24/7. 

I love this boy so much and I hate that I don't know how to help him. 
I also hate that I feel like no matter how much love I show him, he can dish out the attitude and misbehavior all day long. 

But I do. 
I do love him so much. 
Even on the days I think I don't cause he neverrrrr listens. 

I just hope and pray that he remembers me as a mom who loves him instead of as a mom that yelled at him for not listening all day long. 

But maybe I already ruined that hope? 

Not that you have to totally validate me... but I can't be the only one that has these thoughts, right?? 

[okay maybe I want to feel validated a little...] 

//end thoughts of a crazy emotional pregnant lady


Liv said...

Last year I locked myself in my bathroom so I could cry and talk on the phone to one of my friends. I was so upset with my daughter's tantrums (she was about 2.5 at the time, she's 3.5 now) that I didn't know what to do so I just cried and cried.

She suggested I read "1-2-3 Magic" to help with discipline. I was so fed up with everything, but I borrowed the book from the library and started using it that week.

IT WORKED. For us, it was the key. I love it. I'm going to re-read it before my second is born (this June) to reinforce the principles in my brain before I have the chaos of another baby to deal with.

I know it can be overwhelming to read parenting books and try all sorts of methods, but this is simple and if it doesn't work, at least you tried!

I hope this week starts off better than last!!

Julie said...

You are definitely not the only one who has these kinds of thoughts. My daughter is just over a year but she's hitting milestones for an 18 month old so she's really smart... which I've learned isn't always a good thing. She's already getting defiant and threw a couple tantrums! She has absolutely amazing days and then REALLY bad days where she just doesn't want to hear No at all. :big hugs: Hope he has a few good days coming up for you!!


Artsy VaVa said...

My kids are 20 and 22 and I still remember having days when they were little where I felt the same way. It seemed that when I yelled, they ignored me. So one day instead of yelling, I started speaking in a firm but quiet voice, just above a whisper. They would actually stop what they were doing & pay attention because they wanted to hear what I was saying. And, it worked. I still do it if they are doing something I don't like. It annoys them so much and they tell me how much they hate when I do it. But it gets their attention!

Elizabeth Kelsey Bradley said...

Oh friend, I know how you feel. Just a bad week, it will pass. And E will be older so he can help you out with the baby :)

Amy's Fashion Blog said...


The Girl who Loved to Write said...

That first picture is incredible. You're a great mom...otherwise you wouldn't care at all!

Brynn said...

It's not you, it's the age. I have to tell myself that with each of my children. They start to mellow out eventually. It's just frustrating for them at this age because they are finally big enough to do things for themselves, but they aren't big enough to make all their own decisions - kind of like teenagers, in a way. :) For me, when I start worrying too much about my need to change their behavior, then I lose patience faster. If I can remember that it's just a phase, nothing personal, that I haven't created a monster, but that they are good kids just having a bad day or week, then it's easier to detach myself from it. Of course, I'm human (and you are human), so I'm not perfect at this, but can I tell you another secret? He won't remember age 3. He won't remember this. So, just keep trying your best, apologize when you lose it, don't hold it against him or yourself, and after you have a good cry, try again tomorrow.

Kimberly said...

Girl, I feel you. Some days I scream and scream and some days I remember that they are going through something. It might seem silly to us, but the things that they have to deal with seem huge to them and so I try and hug a lot. And sometimes you just have to lock them in their bedroom where you know they're safe and can tantrum alone :)

Lauren Gardner said...

Oh my dear. I am so in the same boat right now. Literally. It's hard sometimes but you are doing great.

Kate said...

I royally freaked when I was pregnant and Claire entered into the terrible twos. And then I had Hannah and freaked more for a couple weeks. I promise you, that you will learn how to balance two, and you will do a great job! I promise! We are all allowed some off days. Give your self a big cup of grace my friend!