change of heart

I would say for the last 3 years I really struggled with the idea of being a stay at home mom. 

Once I had Elijah, I absolutely knew I didn't want to have to leave him every day for work. But I also didn't necessarily enjoy the seemingly mundane and difficult tasks that come with being a mom. 

Tantrums, whining, throw up, not sleeping, running away, not listening, messes, hitting, spitting, not listening, tantrums, cleaning diapers, not sleeping, running away, tantrums, not listening... 

I love Elijah with all my heart. 

With absolutely all my heart. 

And I wouldn't want to be with any other little person more. 

But still being a stay at home mom isn't the most.... glamorous or fun every minute of the day. 

But for the last few months I've really had some moments of clarity where I think to myself, 

"There is no place I'd rather be." 

Lately Elijah has become this really sweet, sensitive, tender-hearted boy. 

He constantly wants to cuddle and hold hands and sing songs and give kisses on my cheek. 

And I love it!

While cuddling with Elijah tonight in his big boy bed, stroking his hair and tickling his face, I just thought to myself, "I'm so happy I'm here to experience this." 

I know I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be able to stay home with Elijah. 

To see him grow, 

to watch him learn, 

to be the one he runs to after preschool, 

to cuddle with him for afternoon cartoons, 

to sing {countless} songs to at bedtime, 

to have picnics in the park with, 

to take to the library, 

to get covered in dinosaur stickers, 

to get kisses and hugs all day every day... 

so so blessed. 

I feel like I'm {finally} in this place where I can actually 

truly honestly 

sincerely 

genuinely 

say, 

I'm so happy to be a stay at home mom. 

And I'm so happy it's with my little Elijah-boy.

And in his words from the other day, 

"We are just two friends!" 

Best friends :)