change of heart

I would say for the last 3 years I really struggled with the idea of being a stay at home mom. 
Once I had Elijah, I absolutely knew I didn't want to have to leave him every day for work. But I also didn't necessarily enjoy the seemingly mundane and difficult tasks that come with being a mom. 

Tantrums, whining, throw up, not sleeping, running away, not listening, messes, hitting, spitting, not listening, tantrums, cleaning diapers, not sleeping, running away, tantrums, not listening... 

I love Elijah with all my heart. 
With absolutely all my heart. 
And I wouldn't want to be with any other little person more. 
But still being a stay at home mom isn't the most.... glamorous or fun every minute of the day. 

But for the last few months I've really had some moments of clarity where I think to myself, 
"There is no place I'd rather be." 

Lately Elijah has become this really sweet, sensitive, tender-hearted boy. 
He constantly wants to cuddle and hold hands and sing songs and give kisses on my cheek. 
And I love it!

While cuddling with Elijah tonight in his big boy bed, stroking his hair and tickling his face, I just thought to myself, "I'm so happy I'm here to experience this." 

I know I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be able to stay home with Elijah. 
To see him grow, 
to watch him learn, 
to be the one he runs to after preschool, 
to cuddle with him for afternoon cartoons, 
to sing {countless} songs to at bedtime, 
to have picnics in the park with, 
to take to the library, 
to get covered in dinosaur stickers, 
to get kisses and hugs all day every day... 
so so blessed. 

I feel like I'm {finally} in this place where I can actually 
truly honestly 
I'm so happy to be a stay at home mom. 
And I'm so happy it's with my little Elijah-boy.

And in his words from the other day, 
"We are just two friends!" 
Best friends :) 


Jenna Foote said...

I love this post! No job is really all that glamorous. I found that out while working in news. Even the gorgeous news anchors you see on TV dressed to the nines and looking beautiful have to get up early and hang out in dingy newsrooms all day, and if they're parents, then they get to deal with the unglamorous baby-and-toddler stuff at home, too! At one point all our anchors got pink eye. See, news anchors are people too. Haha.

And this time of "staying at home" is really so short. Even if you want to be a SAHM until your youngest is in school all day, that is only 5-6 years after they are born. Which, as you know, goes by so fast! So, it's great that you have learned to appreciate these fleeting moments and live in the now with your little guy. And I know how hard this stage is. Just remember he is learning about who he is as an individual and that can be a frustrating process for a little person who can't do much for themselves or communicate well. :)

Keep up the good work, Megan!

Carson Center said...

This is beautiful. And I completely relate. Hope to get to that point so genuinely someday as well :-)

Kirsty and Seth said...

This so so beautiful. I can completely identify with you, being a stay at home mum really isn't the most glamorous thing ever but every time I look at Caleb, I'm so glad that I am able to be with him and that I don't have to work!

Unknown said...

I know that's so welcome in the midst of all the crazy of SAHM-hood.

Also you just reminded me that I need to put together an unglamorous link party. Because we've all had those days, right? ;)

Alisha said...

This is absolutely adorable! I love your honesty, Megan. I truly admire that. :)

Hope you're doing well, girlfriend!!