become as little children

Back in September, Adam and I were asked to give talks in church. My topic was on "The Lord Forgets Our Sins" which is honestly the hardest, most challenging, and yet most beneficial topic for me to ever have to research and talk about. As I pondered the subject a lot, I had a few ideas and moments of clarification come to me that greatly strengthened my testimony and love of the Savior. 

I wanted to go out of my comfort zone in a way and share a small excerpt of my talk today so that, if anything, I can refer to it again. And also so that it can serve as a reminder for me when I am having a rough day as a mother and whenever doubts creep up into my mind of my true, infinite worth as a Daughter of God. 

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I want to share an experience I had this week that actually will sound like most weeks in our home. Like I said, our son is a pretty energetic little boy. I, however, am not. I can when I want to be, but mostly I tend to be pretty lazy. This week was a lot harder because Elijah got sick and then I got sick. When Elijah gets sick, he gets really whiny. When I get sick, I get really grumpy. So this wasn’t a good combination. And Adam was pretty much in the crossfires of it all. A few times this weekend Elijah would do something that realllllly bothered me. Whether it was jumping on me when I was trying to rest, or kicking me in the face, or just not listening and obeying when I asked him to. Which is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to parenting. I know I did it to my parents and this is just my punishment for ever being a bad child. But it really bothers me when Elijah refuses to listen.

So, trying to be a rather decent parent and teach him to be a better person, I would put Elijah in time out or give him a little scolding. At one point, I was so sick, so grumpy, so frustrated that I just got so mad at him. Adam was gone and I was reaching my limit for the day, and it was only the morning. Elijah cried and came running to me and wanted to be held. Even when I was at my most angry, Eli wanted to be near me. I felt really bad afterwards because of good ol’ mom guilt and apologized to Elijah for getting so upset. He said, “It’s okay, Mom!” and he was fine. He went back to watching whatever cartoon was on at the time and grabbed his blankie to cuddle with me. It was like nothing ever happened. And even though I probably knew I would eventually lose my cool again because I am human, in that moment Elijah forgave and forgot and showed me love nonetheless.

This concept of forgiving and forgetting is hard for me to grasp most times. If someone does something to offend me, I can get over it sure, and not let it hurt me anymore, but I still remember that offense. Adam knows full well how much I can remember past offenses… But not even from others, offenses I made as well. 

Guilt is a word I use a lot to explain how I feel. On any given day, I probably feel guilty about at least 10 things. They can be recent occurrences, or past mistakes that I remembered and allow myself to feel bad about all over again. And because I can’t easily forget them, it’s hard for me to think others could easily forget them as well.

But that is exactly what Heavenly Father does for us and teaches us in the scriptures. In Doctrine & Covenants 58:42 the Lord says, “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I the Lord, remember them no more.”

This last part of the scripture, “I the Lord, remember them no more,” has always been hard for me to comprehend or really believe. If I have a full knowledge of my sins, how can the Lord not remember them when He is all knowing? As I thought a lot about this scripture the last couple of weeks and have seen how my son forgives and forgets my weaknesses, I am reminded of the scripture in Matthew that says, “Except ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 18:3) My little boy does not hold grudges, he easily forgives, and he mercifully forgets the trespasses of his parents. I know when he is a teenager that will change… but I guess that’s why Christ says we should be like little children and not teenagers. J

Children have perfect love and faith. Like our Father in Heaven has a perfect love for us. Though it is hard for me to forget past sins, I can have faith in my Heavenly Father’s love for me and that He truly does forgive and forget when we repent and come unto Him.

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