Elijah goes to school

it's official. 

i have a kid old enough for school!

it doesn't feel real. 

didn't i just give birth to that little cheeseball?? 

now he's a big, cool preschooler! 

i was really nervous about having Elijah start preschool this year and kept wondering if i was making the right decision (since he's only 3 and doesn't really need to go). 

but right before we left for Utah & California i was feeling like Eli needed something more structured and productive during the week to keep him busy and progressing. i knew that i was feeling in a rut and having a hard time trying to keep up with a energetic and curious toddler. 

there was only so much i could plan for him to keep him entertained. 

plus anytime we tried to do our own "school" we just butted heads and got no where. 

[we are too similar and Elijah really knows how to push my buttons ;)]

so literally the day before we left i made the executive decision to just sign him up. 

although i was nervous, i was feeling really confident about him going to play with other kids and learn from another authority figure that he looked up to. 

Elijah is always better for other people so i figured this would be a win-win. 

although logically i had it all figured out, i was not at all prepared emotionally for his first day of school. i kept telling myself that this would be a great thing and i would sooooo enjoy some alone time 

[cause of the button pushing]. 

but on the way to drop him off, i couldn't help getting a little weepy. 

i kept thinking of him as a little baby who just learned how to roll over,

and to crawl, 

and to walk, 

and to talk... 

all these milestones that feel like they all just happened yesterday not in just three years. 

three short years.

how did we get here so fast?? 

once we got to his teacher's house, Elijah kept saying he wanted me to come inside and sit with him. 

"please come with me Mom??  Mom, you'll come too?"

it just broke my heart. 

i tried to stay for a little bit to get him settled but any time i got up he would cling to me for dear life. 

then of course i started crying because he was crying. 

finally i just had to let the teacher pull him away from me and hold him while i left. 

i called my sister and just cried to her and continued crying for about a half hour. 

the teacher called me a little while later to reassure me that Eli was doing great and stopped crying by the time i got to the car. and i started crying again. 

the next week Eli went to school with only a quick goodbye hug. 

so i started crying again. 

{seriously what is wrong with me???}

never thought i'd be one of those moms. but i totally am!

he really isn't a baby anymore. 

he's becoming more and more independent each day. 

it makes me burst with pride and long for time to stop all at once. 

i love seeing him grow and learn each day. 

for me, there is nothing more amazing in motherhood than seeing my baby discover the world around him and learn new things. 

but that just means that the time will come all too soon when he really doesn't need me anymore and doesn't think i'm the funnest, most hilarious person ever. 

all i can do is make the most of the time i still have with him. 

so if he really does have to grow up, i'm going to try to make as many memories as i can along the way.

but he will still always be my little baby Eli!