over the summer i've had a lot of time to reflect on how this last year went for our little family.
my first reaction is to say, "it was a lot better than planned!" which i think is true to an extent.
before we moved for dental school, i was trying to prepare myself for never ever seeing Adam, having to do most things on my own, and basically know that i will probably be an emotional wreck all the time. {the latter being Adam's biggest fear whenever we talked about dental school plans.}
and for the most part, i think it's safe to say none of those big fears really came true.
so in that sense, yes it went a lot better than planned.
but then i look back and think... man, when i was struggling, i was struggling!
it wasn't just normal emotional breakdowns that i was kind of aware i was susceptible to. it was full-blown frustrations/anger/rage-fests where i would question everything in my life that made me get to this place i {apparently deep down} hated so much.
i felt more volatile in my emotions because my life felt more unpredictable.
toddlers are not easy to understand,
my husband's school/work/church demands are not easy to understand,
my own ambitions and desires were becoming harder to understand,
nothing ever seemed to be going according to plan.
struggle.struggle.struggle.
though there were a lot more good times than bad, the bad ones were still bad. and it truly put our family through a trial by fire in a sense.
this summer [although Adam had to work most of the summer & study for boards the first half...] we started making it a point to actually do stuff, either as a couple or as a family.
part of it was that we were just trying to live up the only free time we had after a busy year.
but the other part of it was that we really felt disconnected from one another and needed to get that back on track.
i can see now how there were many things we went about the wrong way.
mainly: we didn't put our relationship first nearly as much as we should've.
we put family first. but not us.
so if i could tell any other couples who are just starting out in school whether it be undergrad/grad/professional/residency/whatever, it would be this:
GET OUT!
get out of the house alone.
get out and do something that will help you reconnect.
get out of the rut you may have/eventually will build up around your relationship and do something else.
you have big papers and tests and practicals and presentations?
put them down for 2 hours on a weekend night and get out.
your project will survive, your grades will survive, and more importantly your relationship will have a chance to survive.
you don't have to do something fancy or expensive or even well-thought out.
just get out and do something.
this is a rule {and habit!} we are trying to follow more this year.
our goal is once a month though we would prefer every other week.
even when Adam just shuts his computer down early, brings out the Oreos, and watches another episode of Freaks & Geeks with me before bed it makes my heart all a-flutter and i feel closer to him than i did ten minutes before.
truly makes all the difference!
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