i felt like i haven’t been completely honest with myself or you.
here’s the thing.
i like to blog. i like to read blogs. i like to see what everyone else is doing and how they are doing it. yet most of the time it’s entirely harmful to my self-esteem.
i read about people’s great experiences and wonderful attitudes on life and hilarious stories and think to myself, “why can’t i be like them?”
but then i tell myself, “self, you are being ridiculous! these people aren’t showing their honest feelings on their blogs. so don’t compare.”
yes i say that to myself but i never listen. i compare and judge and feel bad for myself and run off and mope. it really is a horrible cycle.
i wanted to change that blog persona of “let me show everyone how my life is so great and i never have any trials” and made a vow to myself and blogger.com that i would be a genuine, authentic blogger. i would talk about how i really feel, how life is hard, how life is great, how motherhood is rewarding and completely challenging, how most days i want to curl up in the back room and how i totally and completely love my family yet we have major flaws.
i was going to be completely honest.
but recently i feel like i have broken that vow to pieces.
i have written posts about how things have been so dandy around here and how great it was to graduate and how i am free to be a mother, a wife, and a Daughter of God.
but the truth is, i really struggle sometimes remembering i am a Daughter of God and feeling good about myself in general. and although i may be free from homework, now i’m left to sit and wonder “what the heck am i doing with my life?!?!”
and i bet a lot of the people who read this do as well.
so i want to apologize for pretending, for being fake, and for trying to act like the perfect wife & mother that i know full-heartedly i’m not.
but i’m trying.
oh boy am i trying!
and that’s what i want this blog to be about.
i want to share the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the happiness and the pain.
i want to be authentic and honest. and i hope to high heavens i never make readers feel inadequate like i have felt oh so many times. (i know it wasn’t intentional to make me feel this way.. but still.)
i titled my blog “and here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson” for a reason. besides the fact that that song was written for a movie about an adulterous woman…. i like the lyrics. this song has always seem to resonate with me even before i met adam. and it hit me even more when literally right after we got engaged it came on the radio. it was always meant to be i guess.
And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
this is my journey.
this is my life.
this is what i want to share with all of you.
if you’ll let me.