(what? another post?? yes yes!)
I have a question for all of you.
One topic I would like to write about for my internship on the Stronger Marriage Blog is what advice you would give engaged couples or newlyweds.
So my question is this: If you had to use one word to describe how to keep a healthy and happy marriage, what would it be?
Please leave me a comment with your advice that you think is important to teach young couples who are getting ready to spend the rest of their lives/eternity together.
And with your comments I would like to compile a list for an upcoming Stronger Marriage Blog post.
So your help would be greatly appreciated!!
***I will not use your names in the blog if you do not feel comfortable. Please email me at megancamille@gmail.com if you have any questions/concerns or want to comment privately. Thanks!
13 comments:
Compliments :)
Saying nice things every day instead of negative or even neutral things creates an environment that is welcoming.
Here's the first word I thought of:
Patience.
(I mean really, think about how many unnecessary arguments and problems and nit-picking can be avoided just by making an effort to be patient with each other. You're going to discover things about your spouse AFTER marriage that you didn't know about before marriage. That's just what happens. The last thing you want to do when working things out is to be rash and say/do something on impulse that will cause hurt.)
:)
COMMUNICATION!
Most arguments can be avoided if you understand where the other person is coming from.
And also, if you can't communicate, and don't have anything interesting to talk about, you'll probably get bored with each other pretty darn quick!
Charity.
Truly loving someone is willing and wanting to sacrifice your own desires for theirs.
prayer
make-out.
okay but really...
talk.
our bishop told us to have "daily talk time" at least 15 minutes of undivided attention, not during dinner, not watching t.v. not browsing blogs, not on the phone. just you two talking, face to face. it seems simple but if you pay attention you'd be suprised how often it doesn't happen!
I'm new to your blog so I hope you don't mind me dropping in my two cents :)
1. COMMUNICATION! And if you fight a little or nag a little that's ok! Totally normal! (I thought we were the only newlyweds on Earth who got in little arguments, now I know better:)
2. It IS ok to go to bed mad at eachother sometime's. If it's 1 in the morning you're most likely still arguing because you're both so tired and rambling. Go to sleep and when you wake up you will probably laugh at whatever you were mad about.
3. Bite your tongue if you want to say something that you KNOW will hurt your spouse. It's alot harder to enjoy the good times if you're remembering the mean things that were said :)
4. Don't stop making out ;)
Hope you don't mind my novel! :)
I totally agree with the comment about it being ok to go to bed mad. Sometimes when it is late you won't solve the problem, try again later.
But the best thing for us was to make a promise to each other that we would never intentionally hurt each other. Then if he says something hurtful to you, you can think, I know he didn't mean it to hurt me. Then when you want to say or do something mean you think about that promise. It really helped us to actually make it known that we weren't going to hurt each other, everyone assumes it, but it's good to get it out on the table.
service-
If both people are always thinking of the other first and putting their spouse's needs before their own then happiness is sure to follow.
I know I am not married but I have been engaged before and learned A LOT from that. I couldn't pick one so here is 2..
Communication and service. To me they go hand and hand...communicate what you need and what your expectations are so your feelings arent getting hurt and you arent on gaurd 24/7 also serve one another you love being pampered so do they :)
Tolerance.
Patience would be my second word but someone else already mentioned that. Its really amazing after a being married a few years, how much you realize that your spouse does things or thinks in ways or responds to situations in a much different way than you do. A mature response to that marriage challenge is to think that he/she is just doing it differently than you would, NOT that he/she is doing it WRONG which I am afraid is what sometimes is expressed. We need to remember that each of us will "do" things differently because of all sorts of reasons - traditions of our family we came from, male/female differences, laziness, skill level, personality differences, acceptance levels, etc. The important thing to remember, is that if you chose wisely to begin with, then this person that you chose to marry and love is trusting you to overlook his/her little shortcomings and different ways of doing things JUST as he/she will do the same for you. Because, no matter how much you may think that your way is the right and only way, for the most part there are probably several ways of doing something. All of us have litle quirks about us that are funny, annoying, irritating, and maybe even weird. But again, when you married that person there were so many traits about that person that you loved and adored that you were willing to marry and live out eternity with him/her. So when you find out about those little quirks after marrying that you did not notice while you were dating, keep in mind that you too probably have little quirks too. Learn to laugh about them, maybe even encourage learning to change some if your spouse is in agreement, and for all the rest learn to tolerate and focus on all the 100's of reasons that you fell in love with that person. Tolerance is learned. It is not a trait that we are born with. With determination to love our spouse in spite of whatever, we can learn to tolerate and come to a place that we can not even remember what we are tolerating in our spouse anymore because our love for our spouse has increased so much that we have become blind to those small irritating sometimes once annoying things.
k, so i love your blog...read every awesome word, but i'm lazy @ commenting. keep up the good work! look forward to your posts!
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