mom jeans

DSC04474 (please pay no attention to my horrible legs in this picture and go straight from the skirt to the shoes)

on Sunday, I had first decided to wear this fabulous skirt paired with my fabulous {very tall} heels.

i *absolutely loved the look

then i went to hold Elijah while Adam got ready….

then got the baby ready…

then got the baby bag ready…

changed one more diaper…

and i couldn’t do it

i felt far from fabulous

and even more, i felt *too inappropriate to wear such things while having a child. i told Adam that if i was still in a single’s ward, i would have no reservations wearing this to church

but i was married now. and more importantly, i was a mom

moms can’t wear such things.

i felt like i was trying too hard to look {hip and single} again when i was past my time

do i sound old and depressed??

cause i’m pretty sure i was/am

then late tonight, as i was watching tbs and the *edited version of sex and the city i heard these two quotes:

“you don’t have to lose yourself to have a kid”

“one day you’ll wake up and not know where you went”

i had been thinking about this concept before this episode, mind you, and have truly felt that way before

can i not be fun, crazy, silly, fashionable anymore because i’m married and have a baby?

am i not the same person i once was?

not that i was so great before, but i do feel a distinct change in how i act. why am i so afraid? what do i have to lose? am i that scared of getting judged? [and i don’t just mean for how i dress, i just mean doing anything i once did before marriage and baby]

i don’t really know the answers to these questions. and i’m sure there will be a part of me that still struggles with this from time to time.

i always make comparisons. it’s unhealthy and stupid and i know it. but it’s true. and from these comparisons i look at others and think how wonderful they seem or how great their life must be or how much more fun they are having than me.

and they can wear {and do} whatever they want.

why are they so different than me? or at least why DO I THINK they are so different than me? (besides the fact that i have a baby…)

another question i’m not sure i can answer yet.

 

BUT THIS IS MY PLEDGE:

i am going to try {my hardest} to let go, give in, and throw out the second guesses out. i may not fully be able to stop comparing… but i can at least try to just be happy WITH ME. with who i am, with who i’ve become, and who i want to be. i can still be fun and crazy. i can still have dance parties and wear heels! (right? can i?)

i think i can.

this is my pledge: to get out of my rut and into the sunlight.

 

disclaimer: these are my thoughts only about myself only. if i saw a mother wearing really tall high heels i would not think that’s inappropriate. i would actually be jealous she had the confidence for it… so don’t think i’m saying this about all mothers

10 comments:

Amber Marie said...

Megan Camille. You better put that cute get-up on this Sunday and work it ;) but seriously, BECAUSE you are a mom now you should be more fun and more relaxed about whatever style you choose to.wear. As long as it is functional and modest, I don't think you can go wrong. Happy motherhood!

Melissa said...

haha sometimes i feel the same way, especially because i'm in nursery at church as well so there's no point in me getting dressed up for church.

i do think though that i feel less like a mom when i dress nicer during the week. considering i wear sweats and no makeup all the time, it is a nice change.

and it is cute. and your legs look sexy. =)

leean robinson said...

Well, my goodness! You would be floored by how many young women (married or not) envy you and wish they could have all the great things that you have going for you in their lives. You are adorable, intelligent, fun, capable, and a righteous woman of God. As far as I am concerned, that outfit looked perfect on you! And I hope for my sake, that you feel wonderful about looking good and feeling good. So thats my lecture. Love the mother of your husband who is wild about his wife.

kate lines said...

megan, you looks fantastic! really. little eli is SO adorable. i'm hoping you wore this outfit today because you look so good. wear those heels!

we are loving it at byui. thanks for letting me ask you a million and a half quesitons.

Whitney said...

ummm hi Megan! if it makes any difference, I'm a total (seriously) outsider (who is now aware that I just stalked you as such and how this is probably sounding creepy), and from my perspective it seems you are doing this whole mom/wife thing FABULOUSLY and looking killer to boot! Girl keep wearing those shoes unless you can't walk for wincing! Diane von Furstenburg says this great line:

"When you see a woman across the room and you envy her style or her grace or whatever it may be, you have to remember that to her, you are the 'woman across the room' and she may be envying you!"

I love that! Now go be you!

milbert said...

So Megan, I hate to tell you this but this is the constant struggle of motherhood! How to balance between being you and being a mom. For Adam's sake I'd say get dressed up, he needs to see his hot wife! But the reason moms wear long skirts and flats to church is because it's practical, especially when the baby starts to crawl and walk. For a balance I've found that if I dress up for dates and then just look nice for church it's perfect. 'Cause you want to look good for Adam and not everyone else right? Who cares if other people think you're gorgeous, it's all about reminding your husband he married you and not just a mom. But you are so right you need to remind yourself of who you are or else you'll end up a zombie that nurses, changes diapers and cleans but has no personality. Sorry if this seems like a lecture, it's not. I've just spent the last nine months thinking about this, well eighteen cause I thought about it a lot while pregnant. Have fun and enjoy your cute baby!

Lauren and Jason said...

So to talk about clothes that are appropriate: my 42 year husband just bought a couple of pairs of skinny jeans and he looks awesome in them! He has more guts to wear them than I do. And you, my dear, look fabulous in that picture. It's all about if you can rock it and Megan you can rock the clothes.

Laurie said...

Yes, by all means, if you can wear that skirt and heels, then do it. Keep your chin up! Keep smiling!

Laurie said...

Yes, by all means, if you can wear that skirt and heels, then do it. Keep your chin up! Keep smiling!

Ana Paula said...

Oh, how I love this post! This is the first time I visit your blog and somehow I ended up here...

I totally feel the same way! I'm 30, I'm a mom, I'm a wife. Sometimes I feel guilty for trying to dress cute, for wanting to wear sky-high stilettos to church or for wearing smoky eyes. I'm afraid I'll be misjudged by others as someone shallow, that I'll be scrutinized and judged. I know how you feel and I recently moved to a new state so I've decided that I'll be and do who I want to be and start over. That I won't let others determine how I will look because I'm afraid they'll get the wrong impression about me.

I love the sincerity of your blog. It's down to earth and we all need some of that because we may not have the guts to put our true thoughts out there for everyone to read. Great blog!

xoxo

Ana Paula - Pretty in Polka Dots