the joys of motherhood…?

how do people do it? women i mean. i mean seriously?

i feel like everything has gone wrong. maybe it hasn’t but i feel like it has. i still get sick. i almost blacked out at wal-mart.

yeah seriously.

and the cherry on top?

super painful sharp cramps in my stomach.

at first they said it was normal. don’t worry about it they said. it’ll be okay. then they got worse. and frequent. and “oh my gosh i hate my life” super-sized.

we went to the doctor again and they said oh yeah we should probably actually do something. thank you very much.

the heartbeat is good and strong so that’s good. we went for an ultrasound. and the baby is fine. and you know what they found wrong with me? a big. fat. NOTHING.

how frustrating. i mean i am glad there is nothing wrong but i just want them to fix it. and they can’t fix it.

i know i’ll love the baby when it comes. but i really don’t love my body with the baby in it.

the bishop and Adam gave me a blessing because i broke down at church when his wife saw that i was really struggling during sacrament meeting. it was very comforting. he told me it’s okay to feel frustrated and that it’s normal. i am very grateful to him and to Adam.

you know what else the bishop told us? he told Adam that i am not going to be myself for these next months and he is going to say to himself, “wow, who did i marry?” but that it’s normal and i am still myself and to be supportive.

and yep. i’m pretty sure i’ve been psycho. so thank you again, Adam, for supporting me.

3 comments:

Stacey said...

It may be round ligament pains... There are muscles down low that stretch when you are preggo and they can be pretty painful. Sorry you're having such a rough time.

Rachel said...

Megan, I know I'm not an expert (only 5 weeks along), but I've been having those sharp shooting pains/cramps too, but they said everything is just fine. I think it's just stretching, probably more so for you since you are farther along. Best of luck!

Erica & Albert said...

Megan i know how you feel. Sorry, I can't tell you what it is or why it happpens, but it happens to me too. Just last night I woke up screaming and writhing in excruciating pain, and I called my doctor today and he told me it was a muscle spasm. What the?! And it caused that much pain?! I have really bad cramps/contractions very often that cause me to not be able to stand. I keep hearing, "it's normal" which is very frustrating. I don't think this is normal. As sad as this is, I keep waiting for something bad to happen and I'll just tell everyone "I TOLD YOU SO!" hang in there!