just breathe

good hair day
[i needed a miracle to make me feel better today. thankfully my hair decided to cooperate :)]

Arizona is kicking my butt.
not necessarily the actual place {and the heat}
but the things that have happened since we moved a week ago.
including the cost to repair our car which may or may not equal the value of my left kidney.

i’m physically/mentally/emotionally exhausted.
and with Adam starting school next week i feel myself getting more and more discouraged.

i was talking with my aunt yesterday as we were helping pack up my grandparents house and we were talking about when we have times where we feel overwhelmed or discouraged.
she told me that each day she has prayed for peace and to help her burden feel lighter.
and that each day she doesn’t feel this huge weight on her shoulders and feels positive & peaceful during her work that otherwise could be very stressful.

on my drive home i reflected on what she said and realized that since we moved i haven’t been taking good care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.
we don’t have a good routine down yet, if one at all.
i snack all day and Adam has to remind me when it’s time to make/eat dinner.
after we put together most of the house, i have basically sat around & slept in in most days.
[when i feel overwhelmed i hardly want to do anything]
and i haven’t been very good at keeping up my personal prayer and scripture study let alone keeping up family prayer and scripture study.

it just kind of hit me that if i’m ever going to feel good about this move than i should probably actually TRY.
it’s not going to get better automatically.
i’m not going to be able to sleep my troubles away.
{as much as i’d like to}
and if i ever have any hope to be a good mother & a good wife than i need to actually take care of myself first and the rest will be able to fall into place more easily.

i’m trying hard to have more hope.
in myself.
in our new home.
in my family.
in this new situation that we’re in.
hope that it will be okay if i put forth the effort & stay positive.

it will all be okay…


Elise Frederickson said...

You are so cool. Seriously, I really just like you a lot. And I love this post. I love that you're always honest and down to earth and real, but so hopeful. I hope you find a routine that works for you guys soon and you start loving AZ (even though I wish you'd come back to Utah. ;)

Melissa said...

I felt the same way moving out here, the best thing I ever did was join a mother's club. It immediately made me friends with other people who had kids Zak's age, and gave me events to go to and so much more. I didn't want to feel like a dental school wife", where my life revolved around everything Levi did, so it was great to have other friends who were not doing the same thing as us. I would google it if I were you. You won't be disappointed. I'm sure that Midwestern area is so much different than ours so you'll have a lot more Mormon people with kids, so maybe a church playgroup would work, but you'll need something as soon as he starts school, that first month is rough. But it gets better I promise!! And then in four years you'll never have to do this again! :))

eryka {from abcde} said...

you look stunning in that photo and thanks for this post!! :) xoxo

have a happy day!

Kassi Mortensen said...

Yes, it will. :) You've got this.

Botanicals said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aubrey said...

good hair day for sure. it's amazing what a change in perspective can change things. for some annoying reason i have to keep learning that lesson over and over and over. hope things will start feeling better for you soon.

Amanda Kristeen said...

It's amazing how fast things become overwhelming without personal prayer & scripture study. I know when I've got that back into my schedule I realize that things'll work out - just one step at a time. For you too. :)

Pamela said...

I definitely can relate mama. I have so been there.
I know for myself, things are easier to bare when I take them to my Heavenly Father. It's funny you wrote about this, because I just wrote a huge post about having hope, and more importantly, faith in our Father in Heaven even when things are difficult

You're doing a great job & seem like an amazing woman! You got this! :)

Alyssa said...

You are awesome! Sounds like you have a case of homesickness? (: Well, welcome to your new home! I'm totally here for you girl! SERIOUSLY! You are awesome!

Alyson @Eisley Rae said...

Ahh! This post scares me, because we're making a BIG move in the next 7 months. But, it's also a great reminder to me.. to keep positive, even when things might get hard. And, to have hope & faith! I hope that things smooth over soon for you.

Elisabeth @ La Vita e Bella said...

What a good perspective to come to. Know that someone back in utah is praying for you and that you have the power to make a difference and make that change. you're awesome.

Alexis Kaye said...

I'm sorry these changes have been hard on you :( but you WILL adjust and you CAN do it!!! Sometimes making the first step is the most important! And it sounds like you know a lot of the things you need to do to do that! There's some quote president hinckley is famous for telling himself every morning. It's something to the effect of it'll all work out. It's like a paragraph long but I just remember that sentence! Do you need time alone or do you need a friend? I'd be happy to meet up with you some day!

Cristi said...

I just have to share my own giggle when I read your post -- the coincidence is just too much to keep to myself. You see, I think Arizona is cursed. We've moved many times over the years, and our latest one has been a doozy. We too had car troubles. My van needed a new wheel before we could leave -- not a tire, a wheel that had to be ordered from a junkyard and overnighted to us. Then, we got 2 hours down the road, stopped for gas, headed on, and my check engine light came on. Moments later we were waiting for a towtruck. Those repairs took a full week to complete. Thankfully, all turned out okay, and we have now arrived safely in Arizona. I still think it's a freaky coincidence that your car had troubles coming to Arizona too.

I hope that your days have more hope. I have three kids watching me face these troubles with faith and hope, even if somedays I was faking it.

Kristine Foley said...

Oh sweet friend! Cut yourself a break and don't be SO hard on yourself. I know easier said then done, but a routine will come and before you know it you'll be rockin it!! Take time for things that you need to do for YOU to "survive" crazy moments in the day when you start to feel overwhelmed. Remember even tho you have to remind yourself, some things really can WAIT. Enjoy this transition time. So many EXCITING things :) Love you! Have a wonderful weekend! XOXOXO P.S. Holy beautiful hair batman!

Ali Mills said...

Oh such a needed post today! It's so true and I keep needing to be reminded of that! Thanks for posting this!

And hopefully AZ will start treating you nicer ;)

Karina Marie Powell said...

Love this post! you are beautiful!!!

Megan10e said...

I'm just a few miles away, feeling the exact same way! We've been here three weeks now, and I'm still trying to figure everything out. Prayer should definitely help, thanks for the reminder!