digging the hole

 
[crappy but cute picture of E-rock]

one of the best things seeing a counselor has done for me has been making me aware of when i start to spiral down my hole.
i can see the signs more clearer,
and i have the hope that i can shake it off easier instead of succumbing to the fog.

when i start to dig that hole back to the dark place i:
don’t eat [just make food for Eli],
sleep all day,
am tired even after sleeping all day,
very quick to react & get upset after {even just semi} bad days,
excuse away outside activities,
let the loads of to-dos pile on me,
and all around feel sorry for everything and anything

i’m a mess.
i’m a big emotional mess.
and a lot of times it feels like i can’t do much about it.
it just becomes too overwhelming.

after moving and Adam started school, i felt myself going down this road
again.
i was constantly frustrated with Elijah.
even after sleeping soundly through the night, i would still doze on the couch while Eli watched cartoons, take a nap when he took a nap, take another mini-nap after dinner, and still go to bed regularly.
i wasn’t taking care of myself or trying to be productive.
i didn’t want to go anywhere during the day until Adam came home.
i don’t really remember making any meals.
i just felt like i was carrying a heavy load all the time.
and felt so sad even though things really were not that bad around me.

this started going on for over a week until i realized what was happening.
i could feel myself falling into the pit and realized i needed to fight it instead of give in to it all over again.
that is one thing counseling helped me with; it gave me the right tools and vocabulary to know how to overcome these i-just-want-to-shut-the-world-out feelings.

now once i start feeling consumed by everything i have a simple game plan to help me: 
:: i take a shower, put on make-up, and actually get dressed cute for the day.
{not to say that anytime i stay in sweats means i'm having a bad day. this just helps on the real bad days}
:: i try hard to make a real meal for Elijah and myself.
:: i get out of the house; we either walk around outside or go to the store.
{which can actually be a terrible experience but i have high hopes each time}
:: i try to make a plan for the day and stick to it, even if it’s as simple as:
1. wake up
2. play with Elijah
3. run errands
4. make dinner
5. go to bed
:: i try to make simple, realistic goals for myself that i know i can get done and feel accomplished.

even just doing these {seemingly} little things makes a world of difference!

i'm grateful for the knowledge and awareness i now have to live a happier, healthier life,
for myself & my family.
it definitely helps make the days seem brighter.

------------------------------------------------------

i am sure i'm not the only one that gets feelings like this at times
[having gone to counseling or not].
i'm sure i'm not completely alone.  
so that’s why i share these experiences in hopes that we can all support one another and that it can help even one other person that may be going through the same thing.

new sponsor swaps

[doesn’t have to do with this post. but oh my gosh look how cute and chubby Eli is!!]

i decided to make some changes to sponsorships {again}.
i have thought about it a lot and in an attempt to make my blog feel more organic and get back to my roots with blogging.
i feel like this will help me get out of the blogging rut i have been feeling lately.
as selfish as it may sound, i want to try and focus on my original dreams & desires for my blog and work hard to bring those back out to the forefront of my blog.

and in addition to all that, i have come to the realization that i am having a hard time keeping up.
with Adam’s schedule and Elijah’s never-ending energy it is hard to do everything.
so i know i need to adjust some things.

i absolutely LOVE working with sponsors & helping promote their businesses.
it is really fun for me and i especially love the relationships that develop.
i still want to work with others but am just changing up how i do it so that sponsor posts and giveaways aren’t the bulk of my blog posts.

so starting this month i will only be doing 200x100 ad swaps.
as of right now it will only include sidebar ad space and i won’t be doing group giveaways or spotlights. that may change in the future but at least for October it will be just the ad space.

i also will be switching up sponsors each month! 
i want to give more people the opportunity to swap if they want without having to spread myself too thin and keep my blog simplified.
now, sponsor spots will only last 30 days and cannot be for consecutive months.
for example, if we swap in October then the ad can’t be renewed until December.

the new sponsor spots are first come, first serve.
so if you are interested be sure to email me for the swap code.
i'd love to have you!!

i'm excited for these new changes cause i really feel like it will help me feel like myself again in this funny, blogging world.
i hope they don’t offend anyone & you can all understand my decision.

thanks for everything you all do for me!! :)

the nerve of dirty socks

i think it’s safe to say we all have pet peeves.
those {teeny, tiny} things that just drive.us.nuts!
no matter how small they are, it can become a huge deal really fast.

when Adam and i first got married we would get frustrated over the littlest things.
i hated that he would leave his socks on the floor.
he hated that I would not turn my shirt right side out when doing laundry.
i hated that he wouldn’t put the new toilet paper roll on the holder. ever.
he hated how i folded shirts.
i'm sure the list can go on…

the funny thing is after being married 3 1/2 years almost none of this has changed.
i still {almost all the time} keep my clothes inside out when i put them in the laundry.
Adam still leaves his socks out instead of putting them in the basket.
i still fold weird according to Adam {but have learned to fold his way when i fold his shirts}
and Adam still doesn’t put the toilet paper back on the holder when it runs out.

but even though these pet peeves are definitely still there
[and more have come up! don’t even get me started on loading the dishes…]
we have learned to overlook a lot of those tiny flaws and focus on the bigger picture.

because in the grand scheme of things,
those little things are not worth a big fight over.

i am not the most punctual person and it bugs Adam to the core.
he hates being late and now he’s eternally stuck with a notoriously late person.
one Sunday after running late for church for the 4th time, i apologized to Adam since i knew he was probably seething inside.
he just turned to me and said, “i really am not mad. it’s just not worth getting upset over anymore. i can learn to be okay with it.”

i was really grateful for the lesson Adam taught me about letting things go.
it really isn’t worth holding on to pet peeves or grudges in a marriage.
[or any situation]
and because Adam showed me love & understanding instead of frustration & annoyance,
i have actually tried harder to overcome my bad habits that bother him. 

i'm grateful for a husband that is incredibly patient with me through my many flaws.
i know every day is not easy and we can easily get on each other’s nerves,
but i'm grateful to have someone by my side that can help overlook the weird, annoying things i do for the sake of the greater good.