Inspiration

"If the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble."  -President Henry B. Eyring 

Inspiration

my disease

i have a sickness that i'm sure thousands of other people, especially women, suffer from.

it is debilitating. 

it is extremely harmful to my body & mind. 

and if left untreated, it can make life not worth living. 

this disease is "i'm-not-good-enough-otosis" 
or otherwise known as "always-comparing-ititis"

[also, i watch Doc McStuffins with Elijah and got good at making up words :)]

this is something i have always struggled with. 

whenever i get in a bad place, the first thing to blame is that i'm comparing... again. 

it has put a wedge in my friendships, in my relationships, in my parenting, and in my marriage. 

when i first started to go to therapy, the first thing i told my counselor was,

"i have a blessed life. but i don't know how to be happy in it."

the problem was i saw so many of my friends going on trips, moving into houses, having cutest/most fashionable clothes, buying the newest gadgets & products, looking way more beautiful, more talented, more crafty, more likeable.... 

do you see where i'm going with this? 

i could keep going. 

Adam is well aware of this problem. he {unfortunately} has to call me out on it often. 

i know it's tiring for him. 

it's tiring for me. 

but they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. 

and thankfully a year and half ago i was able to do so in a safe environment. 

ever since i have realized that i have this disease

{and it really is a disease}
{and it unfortunately took me some time to finally admit that i even had it},
i have had to constantly make conscious decisions to avoid things that would make my comparing worse. or actively seek out situations that will help me feel more worthwhile.

with the help of my counselors & my loving husband, i have tried to make a list of {mostly} fail-proof ways to combat the sickness that is comparison-ocosis:

-i try to limit social media, 

-i limit some of the blogs i read, 

-i try to focus on & remember my blessings daily,

-i surround myself with people that are supportive & understanding, 

-i try to focus on things that i love, not trends that will pass away {definitely can be hard. but worth it}, 

-and instead of feeling sorry for myself, i try to actually improve on the things that i may not like. 

it is a work in progress. 

every.single.day.of.my.existence. 

but i know that if i want to be happy, truly & wonderfully happy, this is the first thing that must go. 

and eventually, practice will make perfect, right? 

or at least soon there will be a more permanent cure.

[it's called higher self esteem :)]

doubts & blessings

it’s been kind of hard trying to figure out a good transition from my last post.
it’s not really the easiest thing to follow.

these last two weeks or so have been really emotional for me in a lot of ways.
good & bad.
at this point i feel a lot more peaceful, a lot more uplifted than i did two weeks ago.

i have to back up to two Fridays ago.
i basically had a {small} emotional breakdown to Adam.
it just all came pouring out of me, feelings that i didn’t really even realize or understand were bottled up inside me.

ultimately, all of the feelings came down to this:
i felt very alone. and i started doubting.
i just didn’t feel like i knew the point of everything anymore.

i told Adam that i would pray often for patience, love, wisdom, and understanding when dealing with Elijah.
i would pray that Elijah would be calm and behave, that we would have easier, happier days.
but no. the days just got harder.

so i doubted.
i didn’t think anyone, anyone, cared about how i felt.

literally the next day the prayers that i thought were going unanswered were answered.
i went to the Relief Society broadcast and one of the very first messages was:

so that was basically like being hit over the head.

a few days later my grandma went to the hospital after breaking her hip.
although she came out of surgery with flying colors, the following days were really up and down.

it was really hard to understand why all of this was happening.
we had just moved back home and i was looking forward to seeing my grandma more,
not just in her final moments.

but as i reflected on it all and thought about the legacy my grandma has left behind,
i realized that the whole experience was another gentle reminder to have faith in all things.

the first time i visited my grandma in the hospital i realized how petty i had been acting.
my problems were not even close to anything my grandma has endured or was currently enduring.
i have one crazy boy and she lived in a tiny house with 4 of them.
she spent nearly the last 30 years without her husband by her side.
i'm sure she felt completely alone countless times.
but she never gave up faith or doubted even though she had every reason to.

although these last couple of weeks have been rough, there have been so many
tender mercies,
blessings,
and answered prayers
throughout all of it.

two weeks ago i was doubting that the Lord was there for me.
or that He was even answering my prayers.
and now i can say He definitely is there for me.
He hears me and answers my prayers,
even the unspoken prayers of my heart.

as a sidenote, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me these last little while as my posts have become rather inconsistent. i hope i didn’t let too many people down while i take on some of these personal things. thank you for all of your patience and understanding! i appreciate all of you and couldn’t ask for better friends & readers!

easing my burden

for the last few weeks {maybe month}, Elijah has turned a whole new leaf.
a whole new crazy/insane leaf!

i don’t know what it is but if i thought the terrible twos stage was bad before it just kicked into overdrive.
i literally cannot take him anywhere without him screaming bloody murder the first 2 minutes we get there.
his tantrums have gotten worse & his endurance is stronger plus all of a sudden he has a new aggressive streak.
so basically i’m losing my mind every day.

[i have a point besides complaining about my two-year-old. i just want to set the stage for my story :)]

so with all this new craziness, and my ever-increasing brain melting-ness, imagine me taking this little boy to the health clinic before we moved so that i could get updated on my vaccinations.
yep. pretty much the worst. 

Adam was in class/working and i had no one to watch Elijah so i had to go by myself with him.
and if you ever been to the county health clinic you know that there’s lots of people & lots of paperwork, which feels utterly impossible to accomplish with a toddler.

at a couple of different points i thought i lost him cause he would run away from me {anxiety},
he made these little girls cry cause he kept stealing their toys,
and i missed my place in line cause i was tending to his tantrum which made the nurses [and other patients] give me the stink-eye and act like i was the worst, irresponsible person in the room.

i was basically at my breaking point.
but i had already invested so much time & energy in that waiting room that i didn’t want to leave,
not to mention i was going to have to come back some time so might as well get it over with.

right when i literally had tears in my eyes and was about to bury my head in my bag and let it out, i saw Elijah playing on the floor with a bunch of older boys.
they were about 7-12 years old and were all playing with those little tech deck skateboards.
i was watching them, waiting for Elijah to push their buttons too and yet it never came.
Elijah would take their toy, run away with it, and they would just go over to him nicely and show him how to play with it.
at one point, Elijah even accidentally broke one of the wheels and the oldest boy {who couldn’t be older than 12} said, “oh that’s okay! it’s not a big deal. besides, it’s my brother’s anyways.”

the older boy sat there for the longest time playing with Elijah.
he talked to him, asked him about his shoes, showed him how to make the skateboard flip, tried to help him count, helped him play with those wire maze toys that every doctor is legally bound to have in the waiting rooms, and even told me that Elijah looks exactly like me {which, if you know me is something i always want to hear!}.

i couldn’t believe how kind he was to this little two-year-old who was all about destroying anything and everything around him.
or how he took the time to help him when Elijah would get upset & start to throw a fit.
or how he was incredibly patient to teach Elijah new things or forgive him when he broke something.

this kid,
this pre-teen, 12-year-old kid who i’m sure is way too cool to hang out with a two-year-old,
took the time to show me and my son so much love that day.
right when i was seriously about to have a breakdown, this boy stepped up and helped ease my burden.
i couldn’t believe it, honestly.
i mean, what cool kid would do that?

while i was sitting there watching them play i again got tears in my eyes but this time out of joy.
i was just so SO grateful for this angel kid in the waiting room.
i was SO grateful to Heavenly Father for sending me someone to help me in a time of need.

motherhood is really hard.
life is really hard!
but i know i receive small blessings every day to help get me through.
whether it be through someone else’s kindness,
a 2-hour nap,
a sweet email from a friend,
or a Friends marathon on TV & Oreos,
i know that there are many things that help me with the hard days.

now if i can just remember all of them the next time i’m dealing with another tantrum…

Beautiful Lengths

since i was young i have really wanted to donate my hair to women battling cancer.
however, by the time my hair would get to my shoulders i would get so fed up with it that i would just chop it off.
{i think i’ve mentioned before that i’m not a patient person :)}

after Elijah was born and i did the obligatory new mom chop, i started growing out my hair out for fun thinking just maybe i can actually finally have the endurance to grow out those long, pretty, movie star locks.
but after 2 years of no hair cuts [except one trim last year] and then moving to the hot hot heat i started getting that itching feeling again like i needed to do something about my mane.

i decided Saturday morning that the time has come, i was going to chop off my hair.
so i invited my friend Holly to come to make a fun girl’s day out of it
{and to help me not chicken out!}
and Adam gladly watched both kids so we can get a break from the crazy toddlers!
Adam was also really sick of my postpartum hair clumps all over the place [gag] so he was more than supportive when i finally decided to give the hair a whack.

once i got to the salon though i started questioning if i should keep my long hair.
i mean i NEVER EVER had long hair before!
and although i had absolutely no idea what to do with it,
and it was a far far cry from the picture perfect hair everyone else seems to have,
i was really sad to see my hard work {and finally some patience!} be gone in an instant.

[the before picture. so long!!]

then i remembered this guest post over on Jenni.Austria.Germany’s blog.
i was so intrigued by it because i had never heard of Pantene Beautiful Lengths before and liked that the minimum requirement was only 8 inches which i thought i might be able to qualify for.
[instead of the 10 inches for Locks of Love which was the only hair donation place i knew about]

so i asked my hairdresser how much hair she would cut if i decided to go short.
her response,
“a little over 8 inches.”
and with that the decision was made.
it wasn’t just about me anymore.

[making the cut! my hair looks like a little rat tail cause it was wet, ha]
i was so excited & nervous about it! i had to document the momentous occasion :)

after!

i cannot even begin to describe how excited i was about this!!
i’m pretty sure everyone in the salon thought i was so strange.
but seriously, this has been a dream of mine for so long and i finally got to do it!

[some crappy “after” phone pictures]

i’m so happy that i was able to make a small donation that can give another woman hope during her most difficult time.

plus i get a lovely new hair-do out of it
win-win-win!
:)

you can more about Pantene’s Beautiful Locks program here and see how you can donate!

Inspiration

i love this song and i love Hilary Weeks.
i got to see her perform this song live with my mom at Women’s Conference.
she is an absolutely amazing!   i have had this song on my mind lately especially today and really wanted to share its message.
i hope that it can help bless your life and give you inspiration through your tough times!  

exquisite moments

[365 Gathered Thoughts box from LoveFeast Table]

Life is not a dress rehearsal.
Everyday, you should have at least one exquisite moment.
-Sally Karioth

when Tahnie emailed this quote i knew instantly it was specifically chosen just for me.
something i’ve struggled with quite a bit lately is living in the present.
i frequently find myself saying,
“when we move then i’ll…”
“when we have more money then we can…”
“i will be more at peace when this happen…”
“i can finally be happy when…”

i seem to forget often that my life starts now
not years down the road when we’re finished with school or settle into a new town or have a house of our own {with a backyard!} or are able to afford family vacations or whatever!
those things aren’t what constitutes worthwhile living.
we can still have exquisite moments regardless of our circumstances. 

this year, one of my resolutions was to find happiness in the simple things and to learn how to be truly happy with my life.
i compare too often. i tell myself i’m not good enough because i don’t have XYZ like so and so have.
so i have tried really hard to find JOY in the everyday.

obviously some days are going to be easier than others to find positive moments
{like when Eli doesn’t go to bed till 5:30AM!!!!}
but i know it’s still possible.

simple things like Elijah is being especially cuddly that day
or he learned a new word {gotcha!!}
or i bought a new, amazing smelling candle
or i received a really kind email from a friend/reader
or i put out some new spring decorations
or our apartment actually stayed clean by the end of the day
or there is a Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family
or me and Elijah had a killer dance party to Party Rock.

these are little things that made me happy just from this last weekend!

life is hard. there is no denying that.
there are days where i feel utterly, emotionally & physically exhausted.
there are days where i feel completely alone & inadequate.
but even in the worst of times, there are always blessings to count & be thankful for.

make each day count
and fill your life with exquisite moments to last you through the trials that may come your way.
your life begins now!

{and i wanted to give a huge shout out to those who helped me out on Facebook! thank you for inspiring me!!}

[linking up with LoveFeast Table & A Happy Girl]

i can do this

[top: gift from Macy’s; scarf: gift; belt & shoes: thrifted; jeans: F21]

thank you all so so much for your help/advice/encouragement/support from Friday’s post!!
this whole month was just kind of tough and i think i finally just cracked.

to be fair, Elijah really isn’t that difficult.
he just has lots and lots of energy! so it gets tiring.
but he’s actually so loving, kind, sweet, fun, hilarious, and really really smart.
i love seeing his little personality burst through and see how much he has grown.

i’ve realized since Friday with all of your help, lots of talking to my close friends, and a long discussion with Adam that i’m missing two main things: a good routine and time to myself
[which both used to happen more when Elijah was taking two 2-hour naps a day but then cut it down to only one… HUGE hit to my sanity!]

so i’m trying to figure out a good schedule and get involved in some more activities that will help me feel more productive and successful throughout the day/week/month.

i really want to be a good mom.
i really want to feel confident in my abilities.
and i really want to feel good about myself and my role in my family’s life.

i’m excited for these new changes.
{even if it’s just small steps at a time}

thanks again for all of your help and motivation!
i cannot tell you enough how much it means to me and how much it truly helped!

Inspiration

this is one of my favorite talks from General Conference.
although Elder Wirthlin has since passed away, his legacy and his messages live on and still teach us how to truly be happy today.

i have found great peace in this message and i hope you will too.
to read the whole talk, go here.

 

Inspiration

i love everything about this message!
i post this a long time ago but it deserves posting again.

if you are a mother [and even you aren’t] you need to listen to this message in it’s entirety! 
after long days/weeks taking care of Elijah and feeling hopeless & tired, this video lifts me up and reminds me that what i’m doing is truly important.

some days, being a mom doesn’t feel like much.
it can be a thankless, messy, tiring, overwhelming job.
but Elder Holland so beautifully and lovingly reminds all of us mothers that it is worth it!
even if that certain day it doesn’t feel like it, it really is worth it all!

Inspiration

this week was tough.
there were many emotional breakdowns and self-doubts.

but today, i felt the Lord’s love so strongly that i could not deny my testimony that He is real and He hears me.
the words that kept coming to mind today as i reflected on this last week were the words of the late apostle Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin,
“Sunday will come.”

i love this video & i love his message.
i remember hearing him give this talk for the first time my freshman year of college when i was struggling terribly.
my best friend Holli (now my sister-in-law) came down from BYU-Idaho and i was talking to her before conference about all the pain and sadness that seemed to consume me.
then we heard this talk and i knew the Lord had answered my prayers through His prophets and apostles.

i am not perfect at remembering this message all the time.
but there are times, like today, where i can hear them speaking quietly in my mind,
“Sunday will come.”

i hope you take the time to listen to this message and find the peace you may need on this Sabbath day.

lowering the bar

[this picture is blurry. and maybe over pixelated? i don’t know much about pictures. but i just know that i love this one. it’s rare that i get a picture with my baby boy!]

one of my biggest struggles is saying no.
i want to help everyone and do everything and make everyone happy.
my friend Jessica tells me all the time, “you can say no! it’s okay. people will understand.”
and i know they will understand and be supportive, but I can’t handle it.

i set incredibly high expectations for myself. and it doesn’t help that i compare myself to others [or what i perceive from others] and use it to set my bar.
and after this last month, i realized how dangerously thin i spread myself causing me to nearly have another breakdown.

granted, things happened beyond my control [sicknesses & accidents]
but i could’ve stepped back.
at any moment i could’ve recognized my limits and stopped pushing myself. but i refused.

one night, Adam was trying to be sweet and wanted to cuddle and watch a movie.
instead of melting into his arms and enjoying the moment with him, i snapped at him, told him to give me my space, and that i was really stressed and needed to finish some work.

he just kind of looked at me and said, “what work do you have to be stressed about?”
nothing.
i had no honest reason to be stressed other than i expected more out of myself.
i had been creating all this turmoil & exhaustion for myself because of my own ridiculous expectations.

i could be reveling in the fact that i get to stay home with my son all day, have absolutely nothing on my schedule besides some work for my assistantship, and just relax.
but instead i tell myself i need to write this, and do that, and go here because that’s what good moms do!
and if i want to be a good mom, a good wife, a good blogger, a good friend, i need to do everything! 

when i was going to therapy, my counselor pointed out my constant need to live up to some unrealistic ideal that i make for myself. and because of this unattainable bar i set for myself, there is no way for me to feel fulfilled or accomplished because nothing will ever be good enough.
and if i keep raising it, i will never allow myself to be happy with my life and my circumstances.

for a while i was very much aware of this problem and i felt like i did pretty well to keep it under control.
but it all came back to me recently.
so now that’s what i’m working on again.
i’m working on understanding my own limits.
i’m working on allowing myself to be human.
i’m working on putting my own needs at top priority.

in a way i think we all push ourselves to dangerous limits.
we expect too much out of ourselves and demand perfection instead of “just good enough.”
i know i struggle with this every.single.day.

i just read a quote tonight from this talk that really hit me.

“In all of these cases there should never be just two options:
perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only
options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and
development take time. Learning takes time.”

i realize that i’m not allowing myself time to grow. instead, i’m expecting it RIGHT NOW!

so part of my simplifying is lowering my bar.
doing my best but staying within my limits.

i have a lifetime to learn and to grow.
i don’t need to waste all my energy, time, and emotions on things that won’t matter in the long run.

prioritizing my life

about a month ago, the sweet Mary Kate of From the Guest Room and i started discussing ways that we wanted to simplify our lives and put our families first. we both realized that being rather “consumed” in this whole blogging world was taking its toll on our family lives and, quite honestly, our mental sanity.

it was quite refreshing to talk to someone else who was struggling like i was. i’ve noticed that as i’ve interacted more with other bloggers and shop owners, how much my confidence in myself has changed dramatically. what i once tried so hard to be as a writer/blogger, felt lost and thrown by the wayside for other tasks.

there are days where i feel like it’s impossible to keep up!
i feel stressed and tired and worn out for what really is nothing.

this weekend i finally broke down.
it was so random and unexpected but it was, quite honestly, a long time coming.
i was exhausted, i was stressed, i just mentally couldn’t take anymore!
i blew up at my husband, told him i hated my life, and just felt like crap.
i stewed and stewed and stewed.
and i didn’t even know why i was so mad!!
all i knew is that i wasn’t happy, i didn’t want to go through it anymore, and everyone else was to blame {of course!}

but then, come Sunday, i had the prompting that i greatly needed to hear.
i can change it.
i have the power, and the tools, to change how i am feeling.
i don’t have to be stressed, i don’t have to be overwhelmed, i don’t have to hate my life
[my life isn’t even that terrible! i was just so emotional!]
i have the power to gain better control of my life again & be happy.

when Mary Kate approached me and told me that she was having a difficult time as well, i finally felt like i wasn’t alone! and more than that, i felt NORMAL!
it was rare that i heard other people talking about their frustrations with trying to do it all
and even more rare to have them admit that they needed to change anything.
maybe they just don’t want to talk about it, or admit it, but what we realized is that there are more people than not that have the same challenges with prioritizing their lives!

this week, Mary Kate and i will be sharing our stories of how we decided to gain control of our lives and happiness by finding ways to simplify & prioritize our lives.
neither of us are experts by any means!
but we feel like we are in the thick of it and think there are many others who may be feeling the same way.

throughout this week, we will be sharing some more of our personal goals & the actions we have taken to cut out unnecessary noise that take away from our families & happiness. 

and on Friday, we want to invite you to link up your own posts of how you have simplified your own lives to allow yourself to feel the greatest amount of happiness.
i hope you will join us!

HAPPY {RELAXING} MONDAY!

love one another

i mentioned in this post that the dance concert Gentri and i went to left us in tears.

here’s why.

you may not be able to tell very well but in the middle of this picture is a little girl with cerebral palsy who is dancing with the teacher during one of the routines. she came out with the rest of the 3-4 year olds using a walker but still able to do most of the footwork for the dance.

you could tell she knew the routine so well even when most of the other little girls wouldn’t quite remember the next step. the teacher would also help dance with her and help her move around during some steps.
and you could tell the little girl just LOVED it all!!

it was seriously one of the top ten most touching moments i have ever witnessed!
it took all of our power for Gentri and i to stop from breaking down in uncontrollable tears.

when others probably would have said no, this teacher understood the importance of loving & accepting others and let this little girl join her dance team.

i couldn’t help but think about my own child and future children and hope that if they ever had some kind of disability {or even if they didn’t}, that they would be just as accepted and loved as the little girl in that photo.
and that they would know that they are a special child of God no matter how different they may be.

in church, one of my favorite Primary songs is
I’ll Walk With You
{lyrics}

If you don’t walk as most people do,
Some people walk away from you,
But I won’t! I won’t!
If you don’t talk as most people do,
Some people talk and laugh at you,
But I won’t! I won’t!
I’ll walk with you. I’ll talk with you.
That’s how I’ll show my love for you.

Jesus walked away from none.
He gave his love to ev’ryone.
So I will! I will!
Jesus blessed all he could see,
Then turned and said, “Come, follow me.”
And I will! I will!
I will! I will!
I’ll walk with you. I’ll talk with you.
That’s how I’ll show my love for you.

i hope that as we go about our day/week/month/year/LIVES we can constantly remember that no matter how different we all are,
{black or white, tall or short, homeless or wealthy, big or small, sick or healthy}
we are all children of our Heavenly Father
and be able to show Christ-like love towards each other!

the end of one dream and the start of a new one

Source: tobifairley.com via Megan on Pinterest

 

i posted my last Stronger Marriage post last night.
after a year of being their “freelance blogger,” it has come to an end.

i knew it was only temporary
and i knew that other students from different colleges would want the chance to help others as well.

but it’s still very sad to say goodbye….

writing for Stronger Marriage was my absolute dream!
when i chose my major, i had a goal to someday be able to work with and write for an organization to help couples and families. and then quite literally this internship with Stronger Marriage showed up in my inbox one day and i applied immediately! 
[it was honestly one of the only moments in my life that i truly believed in myself and felt like i was capable for the job. which is saying a lot…]

Source: notquitesusie.com via Megan on Pinterest

 

it still seems surreal to think that i was an actual paid writer for an amazing organization.
what is even more surreal, is the amount of support and encouragement i have received from family, friends, and even strangers from all over the country!
there have been times where comments, emails, and Facebook messages left me in tears because of the incredible outpouring of love i received.
{my favorites were always, “did you actually write this article??” :)}

to add to all of that generous support, i was able to meet Dr. Liz, a marriage and family therapist who works with StrongerMarriage.org and used to write for the blog, who told me that it was an honor to meet me in person and that she greatly appreciated and loved my articles.
DR. LIZ READS MY ARTICLES!!!!
like a real deal, popular {in Utah} marriage therapist thinks little ol’ me writes really good articles!!!!

SAY WHAT!?!?!
i pretty much just stood there with my jaw dropped after that.

seriously.
this has been a total trip!!
i feel INCREDIBLY blessed for such an amazing opportunity to work with StrongerMarriage.org.
and for learning to have greater confidence in my abilities!

and while i’m sad to go, i also have developed a new dream and ambition
{similar but with new terms}
and a whole new sense of faith in myself

Source: d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net via Megan on Pinterest

 

i realized the importance of speaking up about marriage and family
i realized the importance of sticking up for what you believe in
{being courageous!}
and i realized the incredible need there is for more people to become a voice for healthier marriages

so i’m not going to stop.
i’m going to keep writing, keep encouraging, and keep believing that i can help make a difference.

i don’t need a professional organization to tell me to write about topics that i already feel strongly about.
i don’t need paperwork and deadlines to follow my dreams.
not anymore.

when i first started, i needed the push,
the encouragement
the support, to help guide me to where i am now.
but i think now i have to tools to take my dream to the next level.

Source: Uploaded by user via Megan on Pinterest

 

yes, i may not be writing for StrongerMarriage.org anymore.
but i have this voice and this platform on {And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson} that i shouldn’t take for granted.

and so help me,
i’m going to make the most of it!!

so be prepared for new marriage articles to come to a blog near you!

i’m not giving up, guys!

 

[you can read my final Stronger Marriage blog article here]

my kind friend’s inspiration to me

this week has really sucked to say the least.   after enduring the 12 hour drive home mixed with my regular car sickness, Elijah woke up in the middle of the night feeling pretty hot. he ended up having a fever of 102-103 degrees for 3 days and then we finally were able to go to the doctor. we found out he had some kind of infection (not sure exactly what yet) and was put on some medication.   he finally slept 8 hours on Friday (usually sleeps 12 each night) after not sleeping pretty much all week!
he would only sleep in 15 minutes increments at a time…
exhausting!!   and then, to top off a already stressful and tiring week, a girl was coming off the of the freeway and didn’t slow down and rear-ended me while i was stopped at a stop light.
thankfully i was the only one in the car at the time or else i might’ve not been so nice…
so now i’m fighting a HUGE headache and trying to get the damages to our car straightened out.   so yeah. crappy week.   i had posted something on Facebook about it
[you’re supposed to post about every detail of your day in your status right?]
and my sweet friend Aubrey sent me the kindest, most considerate email ever!!   she knew exactly what i needed to hear and how i needed to hear it.
just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, quite honestly.…   she shared with me this wonderful message about enduring life’s trials and how we can have hope even on the hardest days.   [watch this video first for a background on Jenny]   [video Aubrey sent me]     i know my trials are nothing compared to this woman’s story.
but i also know that each of our trials are very personal and we all will have trying times.
and i know that even on our most difficult days where we feel like nothing is going right and we are completely overwhelmed, there is always hope, there are still many blessings to thank the Lord for, and there are still people who love and care about us.   i’m so grateful to Aubrey for reminding me of that love and for following her own promptings to write me and bless my life.   i hope we can all do the same for others in our lives,
to continue to bless each other
and encourage one another to be able to endure life’s trials.

our Christmas so far {instagram style}

{gingerbread house and puzzle making with Camilla}


{me and Holli sang “What Child Is This?” for the family}

{my mother-in-law’s tree should be in a magazine. freal}
 
{Elijah opening up his new bike}

we’ve had a really great Christmas break so far
i don’t want to get back to real life…
{thankfully we don’t have to quite yet and we have another week here hanging out in California}

this Christmas i feel a lot more emotional than i have in the past.
maybe it’s because i’ve been a lot more pensive and reflective this year, thinking about the Savior and His life
maybe it’s because after the long year, such love and happiness was a welcome relief
whatever has made these feelings stay close to the surface, i know that i have really felt my Savior’s love and comfort the last few weeks.

my sister-in-law gave me this beautiful picture of the Mesa, Arizona temple {where we were married} and right when i pulled the paper back i started crying.
it seems silly and maybe to others it seems like a pretty superficial reason to get emotional {over a beautiful gift}
but right when i saw that painting it was like a huge beacon of hope to me
like i was cared for and loved beyond all measure
i can’t really explain it.

i’m so grateful for the Christmas season where we can be with family and remember what is really important in our lives
each other.

i hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas with their loved ones!!
wishing you all
PEACE ON EARTH & GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN

Mary’s Lullaby

 

this Christmas, i’ve thought a lot about Mary
what she had been thinking, what she had been feeling

one of my favorite Christmas songs is called Mary’s Lullaby by Wanda West Palmer
the lyrics and message is so sweet and tender, a true love song from mother to baby.

the chorus:
all mine in your loveliness, baby all mine.
all mine in your holiness, baby divine.
sing on herald angels in chorus sublime.
sing on and adore, for tonight you are mine.

i think about all the love and excitement i felt when my son was born,
and all the hopes and dreams i had for him as he grows up.
i feared for the pain he would possibly experience and hoped more than anything he would feel loved and secure.

i’m sure what Mary felt was similar if not greater than my own feelings of my son’s birth.
but i wonder if her feelings may have been mixed with even more fear for what she knew the future would bring.

i can’t imagine giving birth to my sweet boy and know that in the coming year he would be taken from me by people who hated and despised him.
the courage and strength that must have taken almost seems incomprehensible.

Jesus gave His life for us,
and Mary gave up her son.
it makes me cry to think of it.

but as the song says,
but tonight you are mine. 

we never know what the future may bring for our loved ones.
we don’t know how much time we truly have with them.
but tonight we can cherish them,
enfold them in our arms of love.

my prayer this Christmas is that we can focus on the ones we love,
cherishing the time we have with before it's too late.

 

 

full lyrics:
All mine in your loveliness baby, all mine.
All mine in your holiness baby divine.
Sing on herald angels in chorus sublime;
Sing on and adore, for tonight you are mine.

The wise men are coming to worship their King,
The shepherds are kneeling their homage to bring.
Out yonder the star over Judah will keep.
No harm will befall thee, then sleep baby sleep.

O let me enfold thee, my baby tonight,
While legions are singing in joyous delight.
A new star has risen to hail thee divine,
For you are a king, but tonight you are mine.

Away spectered future of sorrow and plight,
Away to the years that must follow tonight.
The pangs of Gethsemane, let them be dim,
The red drops on Calvary, not Lord, for Him!

O let me enfold thee, my baby tonight,
While legions are singing in joyous delight.
A new star has risen to hail thee divine,
For you are a king, but tonight you are mine.

All mine in your loveliness baby, all mine.
All mine in your holiness baby divine.
Sing on herald angels in chorus sublime;
Sing on and adore, for tonight you are mine.

Crossroads of Divorce

i am currently reading a book called “The Magic Room” centered around a bridal shop that has been in operation since 1934. they talk about the brides of the past and of the present, what they hope for and how their dreams for the future come to fruition or fall apart at the seams. how the ideas and longevity of marriage have changed almost drastically through the 77 years the shop has been opened.

i’ll talk more about in later in a future post for the BlogHer book club
but i have been thinking about it a lot in relation to the new Stronger Marriage article that was published called,
Crossroads of Divorce

with the divorce rate steadily increasing, it’s hard to comprehend why so many marriages and couples who once were filled with so much hope and love can seem to be ended so easily.

of course, each relationship is different and there are some circumstances that truly warrant divorce.
the intention of my article is not to place judgment or force couples to stay together.

but i do want to make people think
to question
if divorce is really necessary in all circumstances

in a national study, over 75% of couples who reported being unhappy in their marriage but chose to stay together said they were very happy 5 years later.
and on average, in 75% of divorced couples at least one partner has regrets about the decision to divorce one year after break up.

so my question to you is:
are you doing everything you can?
do you remember the reasons that you were married?
are you letting the stress of outside forces creep their way into your relationship?
can you try harder?

i know in my own marriage, i realized that i wasn’t trying hard enough.
i wasn’t communicating or understanding or allowing myself to have an open heart
and because of that, there were times in the beginning of my marriage that i truly felt unhappy.

but we stuck it out.
we tried harder.
we talked more.
we went to counseling.
and i can tell you that our marriage has never been better!

i hope you read the new Stronger Marriage article
and i hope that it helps encourage you if you are wavering at the crossroads.
i hope you can be inspired, uplifted & comforted
because you are not alone in your feelings.
more than likely, there has been more people who understand than you know!

read it here.

 

please note: i want to reiterate that i’m not trying to say divorce is wrong and should never be an option. i understand that every marriage is different and only those involved can fully understand and make the decision that is best for them. also, if there is any kind of abuse in a marriage i fully support the decision to divorce and get out of the relationship as fast as possible. safety should always be the first and most important factor.