always stay my baby

With the demands of a new baby and also babysitting a second baby, Elijah kind of gets the short end of the stick most days. By the end of the day my nerves {and patience} are totally shot and I'm craving to just get in my pajamas and binge on Netflix. 

Lately when putting Elijah to bed, he always asks if I can sleep with him for a little bit. 

Usually Anneli is crying to be fed or when Adam was gone late studying most nights I just wanted to go detox by emotions before I went to bed so I would tell him I couldn't right then and just tickle his back again. 

It kind of hit me in a "I'm a terrible mom" sort of way when I realized that my poor boy, after his own hard and stressful day of his mom caring for other babies, just needed some of love and attention from his mommy at the end of the day. 

So I've tried really hard to say YES each night when Elijah asks for more time. 

We cuddle, 

we tell stories, 

we sing lullabies, 

 I tickle his arm, face, and back... 

And we reconnect after a long day of demands & time-outs. 

Though I'd like to say it's made a huge difference in his behavior during the day, 

that all of a sudden he listens and obeys like a little angel after getting extra cuddles in. 

But it has made a huge difference in both of our attitudes and patience levels. 

He knows I love him even when he disobeyed. 

And I know he loves me even when he sticks his tongue out and refuses to put his shoes away. 

And when I'm busy feeding babies, I think he knows he's not forgotten,

that at the end of the day I'm still his mommy too and he's still my sweet baby Elijah,

forever & always. 

Super-Elijah Birthday Party

For Elijah's 5th birthday he wanted a Superman party. 

He had been talking about it since the day after his 4th birthday so I felt quite a bit of pressure to make this party awesome and all his little dreams come true!

So I stayed up super late and spent a ridiculous amount of time on crazy crafts and decorations and it was total and utter chaos... HA! 

But! 

Elijah did say it was the best party ever and the kids left happy and hyped up on sugar. 

:) 

(I was so busy that I forgot to get pictures of everything but I was pretty proud of it before all the kids destroyed it)

My amazing friend sewed capes for all the kids to start their superhero training.

They then tested their superhero skills with an accuracy test of throwing darts at balloons, 

practiced using their x-ray vision for "pin the symbol on the Superman," 

and had a superhero obstacle course. 

There was an incident where one little boy got stabbed in the foot with a dart...

and juice and popcorn and Kryptonite suckers where everrrrrrrywhere... 

and it was total craziness and I never want to throw a party again until he's at least 8...

But from what I heard the kids still had a lot of fun! 

And I had a lot of fun with my annual use of creativity. :)

{But seriously no more parties until he's 8.}

a story about pi{e}

I never feel like I'm a fun enough mom. 

I don't do crafts or bake cookies often or go on little adventures. 

I don't draw treasure maps or play pirates all day. 

I do those things sometimes. 

But it's not even once a week. 

I see posts of "fun moms" often or get caught up on Pinterest pictures and take it personally. 

I don't do those things so I guess I'm not a very good mom. 

I spiral into a sad, bitter, depressed state. 

The thought of coming up with fun ideas and special activities overwhelms me. 

So I get more depressed. 

Then I get over it, I move on, and I deal. 

Until the next holiday or cute social media post. 

Spiraling. 

Spiraling...

This year I decided I'm done with that. 

What good was it doing me?? 

None. 

And instead of using it as a motivator to be a better mom, it only made me feel bad which in turn made me take out my anxieties on Elijah. 

Or stick him in front of the TV or Wii for hours because I was just too overwhelmed. 

I mean, he was happy. 

But I wasn't. 

Spiral. 

So enough. 

This year I chose my word of the year very deliberately. 

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to change and how I was going to go about changing it. 

And the word that kept coming to mind was motivation.

If I wanted to do good, I needed to get myself motivated. 

And I needed to feed on that motivation to try harder each day to overcome my weakness and reach my goals. 

Motivation. 

I was the only one holding me back. 

I can change! 

I can be the mom I want to be! 

I just had to get off my rear and act on it. 

Push through. 

Do good. 

So I set out to make little things special, 

tried harder to get on the floor and play. 

Let Elijah wear his Power Ranger costume all day. 

Then I saw the Pi Day was coming up. 

I remember the previous year feeling bad that I didn't start some fun tradition with pie. 

And again feeling guilty that I was so lame {though I know Elijah doesn't even know what it means}.

So I was determined to make up for it this year. 

Why feel guilty and shut down? 

When I can motivate myself to do something and create happiness! 

It was a day late but I made pie: chicken pot pie and apple pie. 

I did it! 

I succeeded. 

A couple of days later it was St. Patrick's Day. 

I told myself again that I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. 

Instead of comparing, I was going to act! 

So I made a little treasure hunt for chocolate gold coins, dyed Elijah's lunch green, and made corned beef and cabbage for dinner. 

I may have still fallen short with crafts or stories, but I still did something fun. 

And I felt more proud of myself than I had felt in a long time. 

Not only did I make my son excited and happy, but I was happier because I took action. 

Motivation. 

Motivation to be better. 

President Monson said: 

In the search for our best selves, several questions will guide our thinking: Am I what I want to be? Am I closer to the Savior today than I was yesterday? Will I be closer yet tomorrow? Do I have the courage to change for the better? 

In our mortal journey, the advice of the Apostle Paul provides heavenly guidance: “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Then came the concluding charge: “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” 

They may not be big things, 

it may only be just baking a pie, 

or pretending we're pirates, 

but through these small steps I am working toward becoming a better mother. 

No guilt. 

No shame. 

No overwhelming, debilitating thoughts. 

Motivation. 

Action. 

Happiness. 

Love. 

what we've been up to lately...

Things have been pretty silent around blogland... 

cause things have been kind of crazy around here. 

[family picture from December 2014]

So here's a bit of an update. 

Adam was busy studying really hard for a really long time to take the Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery exam at the beginning of February. He was at the school for a lot of late nights and early mornings to get ready for the exam and then did amazing! He was actually the only one out of all the other Midwestern students that took it that day to get a really awesome score. I felt really bad about the other students but was really really proud of Adam. 

Made those lonely, single-mother nights & days a little more worth it! 

He also has completed two week-long externships at hospitals in Fresno and in Phoenix for oral surgery to get ready for his applications. 

Yay application process.... {yikes!}

Elijah is all registered for kindergarten next year!! 

I'm really excited for him to have something to do and to learn & grow but am also sad that he's going to be away from me all.day.long That just seems so scary! But I'm his mommy! 

But I'm also excited for a little break.... I mean we can be honest about that, right??

My little baby all grown up... 

Anneli is still a little angel with a penchant for not sleeping through the night. 

But she's so happy and fun and a chubby little beauty. 

And is 8 months this week!!

She's {army} crawling all over the place and super quick if you aren't watching closely. 

She also has picked up growling from her big brother and loves to babble and growl all day long. 

We love her and squish her and are still obsessed to no end. 

And me? 

Well, I'm super exhausted! 

I started babysitting another baby that's a month younger than Anneli which has been fun & tiring all at once. He's a sweet baby boy and it's fun to get some extra cuddles in during the day. :) 

And I've still gotten dressed almost everyday which I think is winning! 

So all in all we're hanging in there! 

We have super big bags under our eyes and can fall asleep at the drop of a hat but we're alive! 

Thanks for sticking with me through this weird, crazy, tiring time! 

Halloween 2014

[we don't really have pictures of our Halloween cause we're the lamest (see post below). but at our church trunk-or-treat they had a photo booth so we jumped on that bandwagon :)]

Our Halloween was pretty busy but low-key as well. 

Elijah was SO excited to be the Red Mega-Force Power Ranger & was practicing all his alien-fighting karate moves for a week ;) 

He wanted all of us to dress up but... we were just too lazy. 

So although we didn't get pictures of it all, Adam dressed up as a nerd, I was just a crazy Halloween mommy (I wore black and weird make-up), and Anneli wore her pumpkin pajamas. 

I know, all the awards. 

I kind of felt like the lamest mother ever because we didn't do anything that I had planned. 

Last year we had a "13 Days of Halloween" countdown and did lots of fun things every day. 

But this year I pulled it out too late and then was just too tired to even do anything. 

We barely even carved pumpkins... Adam did all of ours last minute.

Thankfully, Elijah is still young and doesn't quite have high expectations yet. 

Plus all the different Halloween parties and trick-or-treating entertained him enough. 

Despite my feeling guilty that I didn't do anything fun for my family, Elijah told me every day the week of Halloween,
"THIS IS THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!!" 

I'm so grateful for my little boy who finds simple pleasure in the little things. 

I'm so grateful he thinks we are awesome and has a fun life even if we didn't do anything Pinterest worthy. 

{I'm even more grateful he doesn't know what Pinterest is and to judge my mothering skills by}

And I'm so grateful that this sweet boy teaches me the most important life lessons every day. 

He drives me nuts, but man I love that boy!

Elijah-isms

Elijah is definitely still keeping us entertained as usual.
Here are some quality quotes from him as of late :)

He's definitely a child of the modern age.
Anywhere we are or whatever we do he will say, "Take my picture, Mom!"
His favorite subject to take a picture with is Anneli {of course}.
And recently we went to Target and he climbed up on of those balls out in front and he wouldn't get off until I took his picture.
I raised a monster.

I was introducing Elijah to the wonder of "Hook" the other night. He was confused why the kids were yelling while their dad was on the phone. Obviously we've had lots of talks about being quiet while mom is on the phone... No acting like children here!

After watching part of the Hulk one night, Elijah, while showing me pictures on the DVD case, said,
"Okay, Mom. That guy used that green thing to turn to the Hulk. Cause he eats his vegetables. And baby Hulks can't eat you but big Hulks can. But babies won't. So that's why you eat your fruits and vegetables so you can use that green thing to turn to the Hulk."

He makes up songs for Anneli to calm her down and while he's playing describing what he's doing.
I'm obsessed with his little high pitched voice and the way he holds out his notes.
I hope it never changes!

He LOVES talking to Anneli and trying to play with her. If she's awake, he's right by her side tickling her cheek trying to get her to smile. Even if she's not awake, he's right by her side. He also has taken it upon himself to be the only that can bounce her in the bouncer. He gets really mad when we take over. And Anneli loves him back just as much! It's so funny to see those two together.

Any time I mix something in the kitchen or get the blender out, Elijah thinks he needs to wear those noise canceling ear muffs. He will never give those up.

During lunch one day:
"Elijah, the pasta has to cook longer or else it will be too hard to eat."
"But remember? Miss Susan said, 'You can do hard things.' So I can eat it. Just try it."
"Well yeah, you can do hard things but you can't eat hard things."

One day Elijah told me that he needed to exercise and pulled out my yoga mat and dvd and started following the instructor on the TV. He is much better than I am.

Elijah spelling his name: "E-I-L-J-Q-H."
Close enough.

After asking Elijah questions about school he says, "I'm not talking anymore."
"Why not?"
"Cause that's enough talking."
Definitely a boy.

One day he said to me,
"Mom, you gonna have 10 babies and I'm gonna squish them all. Cause I'm a squisher."
And he would too.


That kid is constant entertainment! 

brotherly love

The other night Anneli was having a hard time going to sleep and was pretty cranky. 

I took her in her room to rock her and try to get her to relax. 

Elijah was postponing bedtime [of course] and busted into the room. 

He came in right as I was singing "Whistle Down the Wind" to the baby. 

He got kind of mad and said, "That's my song!" 

I told him that we can share songs and Anneli likes it when we sing to her too. 

I then asked him if he wanted to help me sing it to her. 

He was pretty happy about that and sat on the ottoman next to me, rubbed the baby's head, and sang every.single.word along with me. 

{and it's kind of a long song. I was impressed!} 

As he sat there singing to his baby sister and sharing "his" song with her trying to comfort her, I got pretty emotional over the whole view. 

Some of my concerns over how this whole sibling thing was going to be kind of melted away. 

Seeing the love Elijah had for his baby sister and how he wanted to take care of her helped put my mind at ease that they will be close and love each other, no matter the age gap. 

Going from one to two has been quite a bit more rough than I expected, 

[and also not as as rough as I expected... however that works] 

but that small moment between these two siblings helped me see that there is some glimmer for hope and peace amidst the exhaustion and tears. 

I have two kids!! 

Two of the sweetest kids in the world 
:) 

totally winning at motherhood #sarcasm

Elijah taking some headshots (cause I refuse to say selfies)

This week has been a rough one for the motherhood books. 

And it's only Wednesday... 

On Sunday Elijah was acting c r a z y 

We had even debated about really taking him to church cause he was already out of control. 

But we decided to anyways and he was... fine. 

After church though it was like all heck broke loose. 

He screeeeeaaaammeeed the whole way home in the car and then I put him in his room where he screamed and cried and banged on his door forever. 

When he finally calmed down enough to come out, he said his throat and head hurt. 

I told him it was just from screaming & crying for so long. 

He brought up that his throat hurt a few more times during the day but I just reminded him that that's why we don't scream our heads off when Mom tells you to be quiet. 

Then Adam said that he actually feels kind of warm...

So I checked his temperature and yep, 

high temp. 

Oops...

So we decided to be lazy... for two days in a row. 

And last night I was up all night between the two kids. 

The baby wouldn't go to sleep til 1am and Elijah was up throughout the night and finally ended up in our bed around 2am. And then was up by 6am. 

I'm exhausted. 

Today, Elijah seemed to be back to his normal {i.e. crazy} self so I figured he was good to go back to school. When I told him he was going to go to school today he told me he was too sick still. 

Knowing that Elijah likes to really milk being sick, 

[cause then he gets to watch movies and cuddle all day]

I figured he was just faking it. 

Plus, he kind of got in trouble on Friday so he wasn't too keen to go back after that. 

I made him go anyways. 

He told me on the way to school that his ear hurt when he closed his eyes (?) but I still dropped him off. Later his teacher texted me to let me know that he kept holding his ear and saying it hurt and wanted me to come get him. 

When I picked him up, Elijah said, 

"Mom, I told you I was too sick for school!" 

[laying on the mom guilt pretty thick don't you think, Elijah??]

To the doctor we went and it turns out Elijah has a double ear infection. 

I'm 0 for 2 now on this whole sickness thing... 

I give up being a mom for the rest of the week. 

At least my babies are good cuddlers when we're all feeling worn out. 

And they have super kissable cheeks that I can smush to help me feel better :) 

{I mean, that's the reason you have babies right??}

#motherhoodisrough

Elijah-isms: new big brother edition

Elijah loves his baby sister Anneli.
{sometimes a little too much!}
He loves to give her kisses and hold her and hug her and get in her face...

Here's some of his most recent funny Elijah-isms now that he is a big brother.

He always goes up to Anneli and says, in a really high-pitched voice,
"Hi!! Good morning!!"

He also constantly wants to "Ugg-Mugga" [from Daniel Tiger] her and give her loud, neck-breaking kisses. He's loving but kind of aggressively loving...

Every now and then he'll remember snippets from the birth and say things like,
"Mom, why were you screaming?"
"Why did the baby come out of your legs?"
I'm hoping not too many traumatic experience surface.

He wants Baby Anneli to be included in everything.
Last night I was singing him his "Baby Elijah" song and there's a part that I sing that goes, "Mommy & Daddy love our Elijah" and he made me add in Baby Anneli too.
It didn't quite go with the tune but I love that he wanted to make sure she was included in our family.

He comes up to me multiple times a day and says,
"The baby is so cute! Mom, why is the baby so cute??"

He gets super close to her face all.the.time. {biggest frustration} and then gets excited and says, "Mom the baby's looking at me!! Why is she looking at me?"
My answer always is, "Because she can't look at anything else!"

Breastfeeding has become a norm around here and I was kind of nervous at first about how Elijah would react. But he's done great and it's funny to hear his observations. He will ask me why I'm feeding the baby with my shoulders. And I'm okay that he believes that for a while.

It's also become so normal that the other day he threw one of my breast pads at me and said,
"Here mom, your milk is leaking."
You're welcome, future daughter-in-law. 

Elijah will ask if he can feed the baby or change her diaper and I'll tell him that he can't do that quite yet. He'll get kind of mad and say,
"But I'm the best brother ever!!"
:)

Overall, even though it's a bit stressful and crazy and frustrating at times, Elijah has done a wonderful job with the transition to big brother!
He loves his baby so much and wants nothing else than to be with her and help all the time.
I'm so grateful that he's been doing so well so far and is so loving.
[even though he's a bit too loving at times.]

So proud of my little boy!

lately...

Life lately has been... tiring.
Hence the lack of posts.

Anneli is a wonderful baby and we are soooo in love with her!
We can't stop kissing her hundreds of times of day.
Especially Elijah who we can't keep him out of her face...
Which is actually rather annoying.

And speaking of Elijah, he's just as busy and funny and defiant as always.
Which is also annoying & tiring.
I feel like I am yelling at him all day while having a baby hooked to by boob constantly.
Cause this girl thinks she needs to nurse whenever she is awake,
or sad,
or tired,
or poopy,
or happy.

And then we have the night time.
Baby sleeps pretty great!
But.... she finally falls asleep for the night after her grumpy time at 11.
Elijah then wakes up after 12.
Then he wakes up again between 3 & 4.
Once I finally get him back to sleep, the baby wakes up around 4 for a feeding.
Then once she finally done close to 5, Elijah wakes up for the day between 6 & 7.
And that is my sleep schedule.

And then there's Adam's schedule which consists of him being gone all day and studying for the rest of the night when he gets home.
Not to mention the fact that he's like dead to the world when he's asleep.
Can I sleep like a husband in my next life??

So we are happy & in love
and so incredibly tired!

But those chubby cheeks and gummy {gassy} smiles are worth it 10000%

God Bless the USA

Happy {belated} Independence Day!!

Elijah has literally talking about the 4th of July for the last 365 days. 

He keeps asking if we can watch fireworks and eat ice cream again. 

Well last night, all his wildest dreams came true! 

He kept telling us, 

"Fireworks are SO fun!! I just love fireworks!" 

Him and Adam lit some off in our backyard and played with sparklers too. 

And I'm pretty sure Adam's pyro heart could not have been more glad to see his son enjoy them so much. 

{Those boys are going to be trouble as Elijah gets older....}

Hope you all had a fun and safe Independence Day!

little fishie

Elijah got his annual swim lesson when we went to visit Gigi & Grandpa. 

He did SO well!! 

For not swimming since last summer and only getting swim lessons a couple of days out of the year, I was so impressed with how well he caught on to it all. 

He is seriously a natural little fishie in the water and I'm so proud of him. 

[And a humungo props to my mother-in-law who's the literal best swim teacher out there!] 

Here are some fun videos of Elijah showing off his skillz. :)

The only problem now is that Elijah is pretty.dang.confident in himself and thinks he can swim out in deep water by himself. He tries to let go of me and thinks he can swim or tread water by himself to the steps. When I told him he can't do that and it wasn't safe he says,
"But, Mom, I'm a good swimmer! I'm a little fish! I can do it myself."

I think all the praise we gave him went straight to his head...

But he's still good all the same :) 

concerns of a future mother-of-two

I can't believe this little boy is going to be a big brother in 4 short weeks. 

A big brother!!

4 weeks!!

When I look at Elijah and think about the huge change he's about to endure, without even knowing it, it makes me feel all sorts of emotions: 

excited 

guilty

sad 

overwhelmed 

anxious

pride 

overpowering love & admiration 

In Primary on Sunday, he introduced himself to his new class and kept talking about "baby sister." 

And then he drew this family picture of "Mommy with baby sister in her belly, Daddy, and me." 

Seeing as he cried & yelled & gnashed his teeth when we told him he was going to have a sister to now telling everyone about her and drawing pictures of her in-utero, this picture has become pretty precious to me already. And has helped ease my anxiety a bit. 

Just a bit though. 

Too many worries, not enough time. 

{4 weeks!}

Elijah has always been a sweet, loving, and super caring & compassionate little boy. 

I remember the first time he saw a baby doll at Gigi's house and he automatically held it close and carried it around gently. 

Whenever he sees little babies he gets so excited and talks about how little they are. 

He wants to care for them and makes sure they are okay. 

I remember once babysitting a newborn when Elijah was just 18-ish months and when the baby cried, Elijah would race to get her pacifier or try to get her a bottle. 

He naturally wants to protect, help, and care for all babies. 

Knowing this gets me more excited to see Eli be a big brother. 

I know he's going to be so gentle and so caring. 

I know he's going to try to help [or "help"] any chance he gets. 

I know he's going to be so excited to have a little baby to dote on every single day. 

I know he will be an increibly loving older brother. 

Or at least I hope all this is sure. 

But makes me nervous is how he is going to adjust emotionally to a new little person in his territory. 

He has been very clingy to me lately, demanding only I put him to sleep and cries anytime Adam tries to go in his room. How is he going to feel with a foreign little baby is taking away his mommy?

Are they still going to be friends even though they are far apart in age? 

Are they still going to be friends even though they are different genders?
[Why didn't I try harder to get them closer together?]

How is he going to feel when we are more gentle with the baby? 

How is he going to react when we have to spend more time helping the baby because we know he can do things on his own? 

Is he going to resent us or the baby because we may instinctively treat a little girl different than a little boy? 

Are we going to be able to divide enough attention between both kids? 

Enough time?

Enough love?

Will I even love the second one as much as I love my firstborn??  

Will I start to love Elijah less?

Am I going to be able to handle two kids? 

Will I be good enough? 

There's so many worries & concerns & anxiety that I think about daily. 

I want to soak up every last second I have alone with Elijah before his world is rocked forever. 

And it makes me want to hold him & keep him small. 

And apologize for possibly messing up his life for years to come... 

I love my sweet boy. 

All I want in life is to do right by him. 

Elijah-isms

This picture cracks.me.up. 

Their face is the exact same!! 

I can't even handle the perfectness of this shot. 

Here are some fun Elijah-isms lately. 

"Mom, are you mad and grumpy?

"Yes, because you won't listen."

"You need to go to bed then." 

The  mornings are still really hard for me and I usually am dealing with an onslaught of Braxton Hicks contractions making it harder to get out of bed. When I tell Elijah to wait a few minutes so I can get up because I don't feel good, he rushes out of the room and comes back with a cup of water for me. 

"Here, Mom. Drink some water and you feel better." 

Sweetest kid ever! 

"Good job, Mom!! I'm so proud of you! Yout cut [my nails] softly! Good job!! 

((HUGS)) 

We can be friends now."

Last night he was trying to get game down from the closet to play and said,

"Oh man! It's too high up there! How am I going to get that down? I not big enough."

Then when I suggested he ask Adam to help he said, 

"Hey Dad, do you think you are big enough to reach the games? Oh good job, Dad, you are big enough!!" 

He's very encouraging as you can tell :) 

He was really determined to take a sticker off my apple for me and said,

"I will do it because I a good sticker take off-er." 

He also likes to go around and tell me,

"I a good helper mom. I'm big & strong!"

Elijah hates change!
I mean, I do too, but his is pretty extreme. 

We recently moved out of our apartment to a rental home and every day since we moved E has told us how much he doesn't like our new house and wants to "Go back to the 'Bird Home' because it's so cozy!!" (It's called the Bird Home because the sign used to have a bird on it) 

His hatred for change even goes as far as complaining that the Netflix app on my phone is no longer red but white & black now. 

He seriously complains about it every day. 

He also hates that I made him sleep with a new, lighter blanket so he doesn't sweat to death at night. 

It's all too different for him. 

He is a strong lover of routine & consistency! 

He loves to use my stomach as a pillow, much to my discomfort, and looooves his back tickled. 

all.day.every.day. 

And asks me to tickle with my "claws" (nails).

{sound familiar, Mom?}

This kid sure is entertaining us every day. 

I can't wait to hear all the things he has to say once baby sister comes around. 

backyard campout

Aren't these boys the cutest?? 

Since Adam and Elijah didn't get to go to the Fathers & Sons campout [and it would have been freezing!], they decided to have a little campout in the comfort of Gigi & Grandpa's backyard. 

Elijah was SOOO excited! He loves camping and couldn't wait to set everything up. 

And he actually did sleep through the night! The first time they went it was so cold and he struggled sleeping in the sleeping bag. But he did great this time around. 

I'm so grateful for a husband who takes the time to make sweet little memories with his son. You just know that Elijah loves Adam and already looks up to him so much. It is one of my favorite things to see them interact with one another and create that sweet father-son bond. 

I love these boys so much! 

{flashback} dad: a son's first hero

In honor of Father's Day AND Adam's birthday yesterday, I wanted to share an old favorite that I wrote honoring Adam. I really like this guy a lot. And I love looking back at the how I've shared my feelings before and realizing that they've grown 10x more since then. :)

i have this theory about Adam that i have thought about for some time.
one that i haven’t really shared with him for the risk of sounding kind of ridiculous.
but as i’ve laid here in bed the last two days listening to Adam interact with & take care of Elijah, it has solidified my theory more and more.

to understand my theory you first have to know this: Adam was born on Father’s Day.
when Adam tells me this his face lights up with a small sense of pride that he was the special gift for his dad that day. and in addition, his dad has the same light on his face when he mentions the day as well.
birth can be thought of as a lot of surprises, nothing totally goes perfectly as planned.
birth dates usually seem coincidental and most of the time you don’t know when the baby will decide to come.

but another thing you have to know is i don’t believe in coincidences, there are reasons why these events occur. including with birth dates.

in my own experience, i believe our birth dates are specifically for us & perfectly meant to be.
i know Elijah was meant to come on the 21st.
and i know Adam was meant to be born on Father’s Day.
which brings me back to my theory.

i believe that because Adam was born on Father’s Day, he was given SUPER Father qualities. i believe he was born on Father’s Day because he was meant to be a great father himself.
and i believe he was born on Father’s Day because the Lord knew he would need those extra qualities when the time came.

that he would have a wife who gets overwhelmed easily
that he would have a more active & rambunctious child 
that fatherhood would come at difficult period in life
that it would be easy to forsake fatherhood responsibilities & give up
that there would be a lot of pressure to provide for a new, little family
and that there would be lots of cards stacked against him from the outside world to be the father he was meant to be.

so Adam was blessed with love
compassion
understanding
energy
hope
faith
determination
kindness
the willingness to serve
positivity
greater perspective
so that he could be the best father {and husband} the Lord knew he would need to be.
many times I hear Adam reading or playing with Elijah quietly and immediately my heart grows ten sizes.

he is so patient with Eli especially when i’m not.
he reasons with him [as much as you can with a 2-year-old] and explains simple ideas.
he is constantly teaching him new things whether it be counting, colors, shapes, ABCs, food, plants, songs… he’s always pointing out something new to him ever since he was a tiny infant.
he has the magic touch to get babies to sleep in 10 minutes. [it literally takes me 2 hours!]
he has more stamina and positivity to get through the hard days.
and he hardly ever complains and never ever regrets our situation.
[also please note that i was the one that took all the child development classes and yet I learn so much from adam everyday]

he is by far the better parent in this partnership and i am grateful every day that i am doing this parenting thing with him by my side.
and get to have a true superhero helping us along the way.

 HAPPY {belated} FATHER’S DAY, ADAM!! we love you!

magic of Funland

Isn't it amazing how things that we, adults, might think is totally lame and dumb can make a little kid feel like he won a trip to Disneyland?? 

That is probably one of my absolute favorite things about being a parent: seeing the excitement & wonder in Elijah's face when he does new things, things that I know I take for granted. 

He's a pretty excitable kid and even the simplest things seem to bring him the most joy. 

Bubbles, puppies, shaved ice, chickens, airplanes, finding a coin on the ground... and cheapy, old carnival rides that just go around in circles are just some of Elijah's favorite things. 

Even though we adults might not have been able to do anything exhilarating at Funland, seeing Elijah light up as if he was at Disneyland was pretty much worth it. 

{Thank you Gigi & Grandpa!} 

Also, this was Elijah's first reaction to the fish ride because he said he was too scared of the octopus. 

We all pretty much died. 

This scene was also very worth it ;)

He got brave enough to open his eyes soon enough though. :)

love of grandparents {& micke grove}

Take Elijah for an afternoon of seeing little animals and that boy is in heaven! 

There is this little {and I mean little} zoo that we went to while visiting Adam's family and even if it was not the most exciting place for adults, Elijah thought it was just as great as going to a big zoo. 

His favorite part was seeing the rooster (of course) and kept trying to chase it around. 

I mean, out of all the more "exotic" animals, the rooster is what he focused on. 

My favorite part was seeing Eli grow closer to Adam's parents and see their relationship blossom. 

He didn't mind following grandpa allll around and holding his hand. 

And actually smiled and posed for pictures with Gigi. 

Every day when Elijah woke up, he would come in our room and the first thing he'd say was,

"Where is Grandpa and Gigi??"

And every day when Adam's dad came home from work Elijah would yell "Grandpa!" and run to him. 

And when Adam's mom was sick for the first few days, Elijah was so upset and kept saying, "But Gigi is sick for too long!" and couldn't wait to see her and play with her. 

Even though we are far and don't get to go see them too often, I'm so grateful for the relationship that Elijah has with Adam's parents and the bond that they share. It means the world to me that Eli has such loving grandparents who want to spend time with him, make memories, and spoil him rotten. I still cherish the relationship I have had with my grandparents and only hope the same for all my children. 

I mean, grandparents are kind of the best! :)