Movie Night Date Kit

For Christmas I put together some fun date kits for our parents.
And 6 months later I'm finally ready to post about it :)

Although a trip to the movies is fun and exciting, for busy couples or couples with young children it can be hard to actually get out.
And sometimes Netflixing just won't cut it
(Especially when all you do is watch Netflix all day... loses its excitement).

So I wanted a gift that would be fun, simple, and help bring some more romance to regular boring nights in.

This would be a fun gift idea for an anniversary, holiday, or just a fun surprise to spice things up.

In my Movie Night Date Kit I included:
mini Martinellis
movie candy
popcorn
hot chocolate (for those cold, snuggly nights)
and a gift card to Redbox

And if I didn't have to ship it I think it would've been fun to include a cozy blanket :)

What would you include in your date kit??

Happy dating!

love makes good impressions

I'm really excited to be a part of the Blogger Love Dare that Tausha put together based on this book. It has been a really neat experience to be actively participating in daily challenges to help strengthen my marriage. There are 40 bloggers participating for each of the 40 days & 40 dares. You can catch up on the previous days here: 

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8 

You can also follow on Instagram with #bloggerlovedare

When I first read about my day's Dare, it kind of struck me a little bit how much I probably slack in this area. I realized a couple of weeks ago that Adam & I could go a whole day only kissing maybe once. And it's not when he comes home from school. 

We take time to be with one another, we talk & watch Netflix & share ice cream, and we show our love in other ways like serving one another and supporting each other. 

But a warm, enthusiastic welcome is not always at the top of the list. 

Usually by the time Adam gets home from school I'm so beyond frazzled that I barely utter a hello. 

I'm either half-asleep on the couch or bed nursing Anneli or (like today) I'm yelling at Elijah to go to his room because he just disobeyed me for the umpteenth time that day. 

So when Adam gets home, my greeting to him is basically passing off whichever kid is the grumpiest at that time and then mindlessly scurrying around to get dinner ready. 

And honestly neither of us had any complaints about it all. 

Adam shows his love to me by reaching out and taking the kids once he gets home so I can get a mini-break {to make dinner}. And I show my love for him by willingly getting up to make dinner. 

Seriously. 

I never felt a lack of love or understanding in this arrangement. 

But what I did felt was lacking was passion & enthusiasm. 

Lately I've been trying to give Adam a kiss or a hug [or really just falling into his arms from exhaustion] once he gets home. It doesn't have to be long, and usually isn't cause we are interrupted by one or both of our children, but it has made a tremendous difference in how the rest of our evening goes and the quality of our interactions. 

Through a more affectionate greeting I can show him how much I miss him, 

how much I care when he's away & when he comes back, 

how much I {quite literally} depend on him, 

and how much I truly love him, not just for helpful companionship. 

So today's Love Dare challenge is:

Love Makes Good Impressions

I challenge you to try harder to give your spouse a meaningful greeting that really reflects your love. 

Honestly, some days it can be harder than it sounds. 

Especially when you have kids and are just bone tired that you can harder muster the strength to pucker your lips or move your arms. 

But the simple gesture of a sincere, affectionate greeting can make all the difference. 

Be sure to stop by Lisa's blog tomorrow for Day 10. 
And you can find the rest of this wee's lineup here. 

Love Dare: Week 2

 I'm really excited to join up with Tausha of Taush.0 this week for The Love Dare challenge! 

She asked some bloggers to help out each week with the daily challenges & printables for each dare and I get to help out with Week 2. {You can find the first week's challenges here.} 

It has been fun to follow along with each daily dare and help my own relationship strengthen. 

I know that when we put our marriages first and consistently work on our relationships, we can be happier and more capable to handle the things life will throw at us. 

You can follow along each day with the hashtag #bloggerlovedare. 

And be sure to check back tomorrow for my post on Day 9 :)

HERE IS THE REST OF THIS WEEK'S LINEUP:

Day 8: Love is Not Jealous BLOG // FACEBOOK // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM // PINTEREST 

Day 9: Love makes good Impressions

BLOG // FACEBOOK // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM // PINTEREST

Day 10: Love is unconditional BLOG // YOUTUBE // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM

Day 11: Love Cherishes BLOG // FACEBOOK // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM // PINTEREST

Day 12: Love lets the other Win BLOG // FACEBOOK // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM // PINTEREST

Day 13: Love fights Fair BLOG // FACEBOOK // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM // PINTEREST  

 Day 14: Love takes Delight BLOG // FACEBOOK // TWITTER // INSTAGRAM  

And that completes our Week 2 printables line up! Good luck this week! Make sure you stop by each of these amazing girls blogs this upcoming week for a breakdown on each Day's dare. There will be thoughts on marriage, relationships, love & the best thing you can give your marriage: perspective. ALL of us are here with a ready hand and eager ear if you need someone to talk to. Reach out. Follow #bloggerlovedare on Instagram for a quick & easy way to keep track of what day we are on. We will see you there.

lessons learned from our first year of dental school

over the summer i've had a lot of time to reflect on how this last year went for our little family. 

my first reaction is to say, "it was a lot better than planned!" which i think is true to an extent. 

before we moved for dental school, i was trying to prepare myself for never ever seeing Adam, having to do most things on my own, and basically know that i will probably be an emotional wreck all the time. {the latter being Adam's biggest fear whenever we talked about dental school plans.}

and for the most part, i think it's safe to say none of those big fears really came true. 

so in that sense, yes it went a lot better than planned. 

but then i look back and think... man, when i was struggling, i was struggling! 

it wasn't just normal emotional breakdowns that i was kind of aware i was susceptible to. it was full-blown frustrations/anger/rage-fests where i would question everything in my life that made me get to this place i {apparently deep down} hated so much. 

i felt more volatile in my emotions because my life felt more unpredictable. 

toddlers are not easy to understand, 

my husband's school/work/church demands are not easy to understand, 

my own ambitions and desires were becoming harder to understand, 

nothing ever seemed to be going according to plan. 

struggle.struggle.struggle.

though there were a lot more good times than bad, the bad ones were still bad. and it truly put our family through a trial by fire in a sense. 

this summer [although Adam had to work most of the summer & study for boards the first half...] we started making it a point to actually do stuff, either as a couple or as a family. 

part of it was that we were just trying to live up the only free time we had after a busy year. 

but the other part of it was that we really felt disconnected from one another and needed to get that back on track. 

i can see now how there were many things we went about the wrong way. 

mainly: we didn't put our relationship first nearly as much as we should've. 

we put family first. but not us. 

so if i could tell any other couples who are just starting out in school whether it be undergrad/grad/professional/residency/whatever, it would be this: 

GET OUT! 

get out of the house alone. 

get out and do something that will help you reconnect. 

get out of the rut you may have/eventually will build up around your relationship and do something else. 

you have big papers and tests and practicals and presentations? 

put them down for 2 hours on a weekend night and get out. 

your project will survive, your grades will survive, and more importantly your relationship will have a chance to survive. 

you don't have to do something fancy or expensive or even well-thought out. 

just get out and do something. 

this is a rule {and habit!} we are trying to follow more this year. 

our goal is once a month though we would prefer every other week. 

even when Adam just shuts his computer down early, brings out the Oreos, and watches another episode of Freaks & Geeks with me before bed it makes my heart all a-flutter and i feel closer to him than i did ten minutes before. 

truly makes all the difference! 

watch your tone

i'm a very very sensitive person, 

{something i've been trying to work on and control better.}

so when even a tiny, little ounce of negativity is somehow directed towards me [or around me] i become hurt and defensive {and angry} pretty quickly. 

this personality flaw trait has come with many challenges in my life 

and especially in my marriage. 

if Adam is having a bad day and is [in my own opinion] short with me or snaps at me in any way, 

BOOM--my defensive walls come up. 

if he is not paying attention to something i am asking and doesn't respond in a way i prefer, 

BOOM--stonewalled. 

and now i'm probably in the bedroom crying/seething. 

it also goes both ways. if i'm snappy with Adam it upsets him as well because i'm not acting very kind. he's no where near as bad as me with my reaction but the feelings are similar. 

these interactions have helped me realize how important it is to check not just what we say, 

but how we say it. 

Adam can say the simplest thing to me, but if i detect any hint of annoyance, frustration, or, what i perceive as, condescension, i question his motives and the validity of what he is saying. this more often than not leads to something getting blown out of proportion and more than one person's feelings getting hurt. however, at the time we feel justified in our emotions because we think we are reading into what the other is really trying to say by how they are showing their true feelings through their tone of voice.

now, instead of immediately giving in my sensitive nature, i try to ask Adam what he really meant.
did you mean to say that angrily? 

are you annoyed by something? 

why was your tone so negative? 

if he's upset, he'll tell me and we can work it out. 

but most of the time he may have said it too fast and it came across more negative than was his intention.

communication in a relationship is important. 

but how we communicate through our tone of voice can have an even bigger consequence.

linking up with the Marriage & Relationship Goals link-up

the compromise

throughout the course of a day, i can count at least 10 times that i (and Adam hopefully?) make compromises in my marriage. 

- taking on the bed-making responsibility 

- giving in to the dish-loading debate

- cooking hot dogs with our macaroni & cheese (i don't like it; Adam & Elijah love it, so in they go!) 

- buying diet Dr. Pepper instead of regular cause Adam swears he's cutting out calories ;) 

- watching one of Adam's favorite shows so that next time he'll watch mine 

- budgeting & spending = lots of compromising! 

- taking turns getting Elijah ready for bed. the struggle of our lives. 

and lots more!  

all of these seem like really small decisions {macaroni & cheese}, 

but this isn't even including all the bigger compromises that happen often. 

like who is going to compromise their pride and apologize first during a fight, 

or how we're going to make our two different parenting styles work together. 

to be happy in a relationship takes compromise.  

the other day as i was picking up the house, feeling kind of frustrated that i was the one cleaning again, i realized how much we both trade-off and adjust our expectations to meet a peaceful, middle ground. 

there are so many things we could choose to fight about every day. 

[as i'm sure most of you can relate to] 

miscommunication, 

household duties, 

money, 

family responsibilities, 

work, 

decisions about the future..... 

all these things and more that we could choose to be stubborn about & never agree on. 

but no love or joy comes from that. 

to really show a true measure of love takes understanding & sacrifice. 

compromise.

"take me by the hand let's compromise" -The Format

the gift of attention

"Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention." 
-Jim Rohn

this last year, although i sometimes try to convince myself that it wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be, was honestly probably one of the tougher ones for our relationship. 

both of us had many moments where we felt ignored, 

unimportant

forgotten, 

unappreciated, 

and basically unloved. 

and since we were both had similar feelings, we each expected the other person to step up and fix it {we're both stubborn, see.} 

it.was.hard. 

we had many many of the same conversations over & over. 

we had many good & bad days going back and forth trying to make amends. 

but really what we were both lacking was ATTENTION. 

it was a busy time. Adam is in school, i'm managing Elijah & the home, and with all that we had on our plates neither of us took the time to just give each other the attention we both deserved. 

the last couple of weeks since Adam has been done with school & boards has really made me see how much we truly missed each other. 

it makes me sad that we didn't take time before to focus on the simple things like watching a movie together, giving kisses when we get home, and complimenting each other on the small things that get done around the house. 

i can already tell a big difference in how we act and treat one another when we work on giving our full attention to each other. 

life obviously gets hard and busy and it's easy to let things fall by the wayside. 

and i honestly didn't even realize how much we were sacrificing our relationship until it kind of slapped us in the face. 

but now i understand that no matter how much we love each other, if we aren't consciously making each other our #1 priority then it's not going to happen naturally when times get tough. 

appreciation, 

quality time, 

attention attention attention.

{this is my new marriage mantra}

partnership in marriage

four years ago today, Adam and i covenanted to love & honor one another and sealed our family together for time & all eternity. the ceremony was simple & beautiful, surrounded by our family in the, both those living and those who had passed on before, in the peace and beauty of the holy temple. 

if i have learned anything in the last 4 years it is the importance of creating a partnership with your spouse. i know i wouldn't be anywhere without Adam. he makes up for all the things i lack. and something i love about Adam is that he's not afraid to step in when needed without me even asking. 

everything we do, we do together. although we obviously have certain "areas" we are semi in charge of just by the nature of our situation (i.e. i'm home with Elijah while Adam is at school to prepare for a career), we help each other out and support one another in all capacities.

we take turns with chores. we tag-team taking care of Elijah whether that be changing diapers, entertaining & teaching him, or waking up in the middle of the night. if i don't feel like making dinner, Adam will jump in and take over. i watch Elijah when Adam works and when i have projects to do Adam will watch him instead. if i can't do something, i can count on Adam to help and vice versa. 

when i am having a hard time, Adam is there to comfort me. when Adam is stressed, i help ease his burdens. and when one of us are feeling overwhelmed with parenthood, the other is suddenly blessed with a huge amount of patience so we can take care of Elijah and allow them to decompress. 

we each try to give 100%, enough to cover and to spare. many times sometimes Adam is more at 100% than i am. but we are definitely trying and working through it side by side. 

as Bruce C. Hafen says in Covenant Hearts, "Each gives enough to cover any shortfall by the other. Double coverage. Because their covenant is unqualified, they simply plan on solving their problems together."

we are a team, a partnership through everything that is thrown at us. we are building our life to be as one. and each decision we make is made together. 

i am grateful to have a husband that respects my needs & helps me fulfill my dreams alongside his own. i am grateful for the sacred partnership i have with him, to know that i am not alone and i have someone to help me navigate through life. there is no one else that could help me the way he does or understands me like he can. 

i feel very lucky to have a guy like Adam. i don't necessarily believe in soul mates, but if i did i'm pretty sure Adam would be mine. :) 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, ADAM!!

i love you for eternity! 

combating the attack on marriage: one date night at a time

my date night attire 

pants: Gap, clearance // shirt: Target, clearance // heels: Kohl's, clearance [find them here] // clutch: Target, gift // necklace: Caroline G., free from a Facebook offer

{p.s. use code BLOGS10 to get 10% off your purchase from Kohl's}

once in a blue moon we finally get to go on a date. 

and i get to dress up pretty and wear heels and not have to carry around a huge diaper bag. 

and then, almost every time without fail, we get in some ridiculous argument as we're leaving.

it's like all these outside forces are trying to keep us from taking the time to be together. 

actually, i know there are forces out there trying to keep us from strengthening our relationship. 

there are many things out there that are trying to bring down families. 

it can be "simple" as people's priorities focused on work or school or anything outside their family so they choose not to spend time with each other and they grow apart. 

or it can be financial struggles that lead to contention in marriage.

or it can be more harmful like addictions, infidelity, or abuse. 

every day we hear of a new battle in the war on families. 

every.day. 

as Elder Perry said in General Conference this weekend, 

"The strengthening of families is deteriorating at an alarming rate." 

this was a common theme this weekend, that families are under attack. 

but there are ways to combat it. 

through hard work, love, and dedication we can rise above the things the world throws at us. 

"The best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless." - Elder Clayton

we can make time for one another, like going on date nights even just for an hour. 

we can make it a priority to communicate often with one another. 

we can include the Lord in our relationship and follow His example.

we can put each other's feelings and needs above our own. 

we can choose to get rid of anything that will distract us from our family or tempt us. 

we can make ourselves better people which will in turn make us want to better our relationship. 

i know we still have many years ahead of us that i'm sure will see their share of struggles. 

but i also know that if we can make the commitment now to continue to work on our relationship and develop good habits, we can face those battles with confidence and come out stronger than ever. 

What Can I Do About Me? {book review}

i first heard Steven and Rhyll Croshaw's story while at a Strengthing Family Conference in 2011.
their experience shocked and inspired me.
as someone who is very passionate about promoting healthy relationships, marriages, and families, hearing their story and their incredibly powerful message changed my life.

here is a video of them telling their story in their own words.



if you didn't watch the 8 minutes of video above, here is a short synopsis.
Steven Croshaw has had a pornography addiction from the time he was very young. he saw his first pornography magazine when he was just 6 years old. since then, it had been a constant struggle for him. he tried to overcome his addiction on his own but continued to struggle. after he was married to Ryll, his addiction escalated to frequenting strip clubs and even prostitution.

Rhyll had no idea this was happening.

he finally confessed to Rhyll and they both tried to get help for him. but, like all addictions, it is difficult to overcome on your own and Steven ended up going back to his old ways.

he confessed to Rhyll 3 different times over the course of almost 20 years. it wasn't until he had his final, rock bottom moment of being arrested for prostitution that he finally had the change of heart he needed to truly & completely change his ways.

hearing their story it's hard not to think about Rhyll and what she could possibly be feeling and thinking during all those times. how heartbroken, how devastated, how betrayed, how angry she must've felt each time he confessed and even after, knowing about what he did.
but her faith and strength is absolutely incredible.
for her to get through what to me would be my absolute nightmare is amazing in itself.

i recently read Rhyll's book, "What Do I Do About Him Me?" and learned more firsthand her emotions and frustrations during this trial.
reading their story from her perspective had me in tears many times.
i would literally gasp out loud at some of the things she had to endure, my blood boiling with anger for her having to go through such a difficult tribulation.

but even after all she's been through, she writes with so much heart and conviction that she is truly at peace. 

Rhyll first takes you through her account of her husband's sexual addiction and her own personal road to recovery and healing.
not just learning to forgive her husband, but actually forgiving herself and feeling God's love for her again.

i haven't personally gone through anything close to what Rhyll has gone through.
but i still find so much inspiration and comfort in her words.

One of my favorite quotes: 
"What is frightening and concerning to me about this principle (talking about not acknowledging our own recovery process) is that if we do not learn how to become healthy and recover, we will likely make the same mistakes over and over. [...] 

Women working their recovery, on the other hand, begin to understand themselves better. They learn that whatever the outcome of their marriage, they can choose to be healthy and find a measure of joy. Recovery requires work."

Also this, 
"I don't have to survive in a state of fear because I can surrender to my God. I enjoy a more authentic relationship with God assured that He loves me, He knows me, and He will continue to guide my life.
My willingness to be vulnerable and surrender my life to god, is miraculously--and unexpectedly--the secret to my empowerment and serenity. This may be the greatest paradox of recovery, and raises the questions, 'How can it be?'

The answer lies in acquiring the courage to change the things I can change--the courage to do something about ME."

even if you aren't going through the same trials that Rhyll talks about in her book, i highly recommend reading it and following your own path to healing, whatever it may be.

and if you are in a situation where sexual addiction has become a problem, or have recently been in one,  please pick up a copy of "What Can I Do About Him Me?"and find comfort in the words.
know that you are not alone and that you can find peace again in your life.

[as a side note  sexual addiction doesn't just happen to males but can also happen to females. we hear more about men's problems with pornography or sex than women but the problem is definitely there. and the same principles still apply.]

you can learn more about Rhyll and her recovery here.
and you can also learn about her foundation, SA Lifeline, here. 


i was given this book to review but received no other compensation for my review. all thoughts and opinions are my own. 

how StrongerMarriage.org helped a marriage + a giveaway {closed}

i have known Laura for a while in the blogging community and always knew what an awesome person she was and talented. i have enjoyed reading her blog and hearing her stories. so when i got the chance to work with her more one-on-one i was really excited to get to know her better. and of course, she has totally blown me away by her kindness, generosity, and honesty. 

when i read the following guest post, i got completely emotional. first of all, i'm so incredibly grateful to her for what she wrote and for willingness to share her story. and second, i think her post is so important because most people deal with conflict and arguments in marriage than they would like to admit. it seems too taboo to ever say we don't like our spouses sometimes. but the truth is that happens to the best of us and there are great tools out there to help us get through the tough times. 

i hope you enjoy Laura's post and it can help you have a happier marriage as well! 

{and be sure to check out the great giveaway at the end! :)}

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've never told Megan this, but she really helped my marriage.

If you know Simon and I, you would know we are pretty tight. We do almost everything together, we laugh at each other's jokes, we seem to have almost identical life goals, and I count myself incredibly blessed every day to have married someone I am so in tune with. So from the outside, it could never have looked like our marriage needed any help at all.

But it did. Simon and I would get on great, apart from when we fought. When we fought, we fought dirty. And I would get angrier and angrier and Simon got more and more defensive, until a huge wall of silence crashed down beneath us. We would go to bed, backs turned on each other, and I would lay there seething whilst he snored softly. And the next day we would paper over the cracks we had made in our marriage the night before and carry on as if everything was okay.

This would happen every three or so months. Words that should never be used in a "loving" argument were used. Doors were slammed. Until one night I ran out of the room and I lay on my bed and I sobbed and sobbed. It felt like we just kept hitting the same brick wall again and again. And randomly, Megan popped into my head.

Now that's a bit weird, I know. But suddenly I remembered that last year she had blogged for a site called strongermarriage.org - and I had liked what she had had to say. A lot. And I thought, maybe if I looked on that website, I could find some of the answers to this problem that had somehow, along the way, turned into a something that seemed insurmountable. 

I looked at Stronger Marriage and I realised it wasn't just us (which was a relief!). Other people had the same problems and they had written extensively on what to do when you felt angry with your spouse. So I read this article and I sat down with Simon and we made an agreement, on how we would argue (sounds funny, but true!). We based it on this acronym:

A is for admitting your anger to your spouse.
R is the desire to restrain your anger and not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling.
E stands for explaining in a very calm manner why you are angry.
A stands for action planning or doing something about the cause of the anger.

Now, our marriage is so much happier. Not perfect, but happier. There has been much less standing up and yelling, but more sitting down and talking. No more insurmountable issues because we sit down and action plan what to do next when one of us is unhappy. And progress has been slow, and we've taken a few steps backwards at times, but I really believe that through all of this, we are making a strong, lasting marriage.

So thank you, Megan, for pointing to a great marriage resource. And thank you, strongermarriage.org for providing one.

If you managed to get through that essay, well done! As a prize I am giving away one free custom blog design from my Etsy shop, and for all other readers 10% off with the code "HERESTOYOUMRSR".

{Enter giveaway with Rafflecopter below}

a Rafflecopter giveaway

lessons learned from my parents

last week my parents celebrated 35 years of marriage. 

35 years! 

in a time where it seems like people are getting divorced left and right, it seems like such a huge accomplishment to say you've been married to the same person for 35 years. 

i know that throughout the last 35 years it hasn't always been easy. 

but i know that through it all they love each other more than ever. 

through my parents' example, i have learned a lot about what makes a marriage work:

:: true forgiveness 

:: loyalty {especially against bratty teenagers} 

:: friendship [my mom & dad would always call each other their best friend :)]

:: unfailing support through all that life throws at you [career, kids, school...] 

:: patience 

:: communication & honesty

:: being positive especially through the ups & downs 

:: and most importantly i have learned about LOVE

no, my parents definitely do not have the most perfect life or perfect marriage. 

but you would never know that when you hear them talk about each other. 

i hope that in 35 years Adam and i can have as strong of a relationship as my parents have. 

and i hope that in 35 years our own children can say the same things about us that i see in my parents.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Mom & Dad!! 

thank you for teaching me so much and being such a great example to us!

Introduction to Recovery

last May i talked about the evils of pornography addiction.
[here & here]
it has become a huge problem in our society, 

a problem that unfortunately is breaking up families all over. 

thankfully there is help. 

and thankfully, this also includes help for the spouses and families who have been hurt by their loved one's addiction. 

the founders of S.A. Lifeline, an organization that helps people and their families recover from pornography and sexual addictions, has an awesome all-day retreat coming up to help couples who have been impacted by these addictions. 

here is the flyer with information for the retreat:

for those of you who can't make the retreat but are interested in more information, you can visit www.rhyllrecovery.com and/or www.salifeline.org
to get more information on recovery from pornography and sexual addiction. 

{Rhyll Recovery is focused on individuals who have experience the trauma of a spouse/child/parent with sexual addiction. very very powerful & amazing stuff!}

i hope that this information can help even just one of you get the help that you may be seeking.

::: i have heard Rhyll and Steven Croshaw speak in person and their story is absolutely heartbreaking and inspiring. they are trying to do so much to help others who are going through the same trials and i really admire the work they are doing. a good friend of mine works with their organization, S.A. Lifeline, and asked me to help spread the word about the retreat. if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask and i can direct you to the right people for help. 

the nerve of dirty socks

i think it’s safe to say we all have pet peeves.
those {teeny, tiny} things that just drive.us.nuts!
no matter how small they are, it can become a huge deal really fast.

when Adam and i first got married we would get frustrated over the littlest things.
i hated that he would leave his socks on the floor.
he hated that I would not turn my shirt right side out when doing laundry.
i hated that he wouldn’t put the new toilet paper roll on the holder. ever.
he hated how i folded shirts.
i'm sure the list can go on…

the funny thing is after being married 3 1/2 years almost none of this has changed.
i still {almost all the time} keep my clothes inside out when i put them in the laundry.
Adam still leaves his socks out instead of putting them in the basket.
i still fold weird according to Adam {but have learned to fold his way when i fold his shirts}
and Adam still doesn’t put the toilet paper back on the holder when it runs out.

but even though these pet peeves are definitely still there
[and more have come up! don’t even get me started on loading the dishes…]
we have learned to overlook a lot of those tiny flaws and focus on the bigger picture.

because in the grand scheme of things,
those little things are not worth a big fight over.

i am not the most punctual person and it bugs Adam to the core.
he hates being late and now he’s eternally stuck with a notoriously late person.
one Sunday after running late for church for the 4th time, i apologized to Adam since i knew he was probably seething inside.
he just turned to me and said, “i really am not mad. it’s just not worth getting upset over anymore. i can learn to be okay with it.”

i was really grateful for the lesson Adam taught me about letting things go.
it really isn’t worth holding on to pet peeves or grudges in a marriage.
[or any situation]
and because Adam showed me love & understanding instead of frustration & annoyance,
i have actually tried harder to overcome my bad habits that bother him. 

i'm grateful for a husband that is incredibly patient with me through my many flaws.
i know every day is not easy and we can easily get on each other’s nerves,
but i'm grateful to have someone by my side that can help overlook the weird, annoying things i do for the sake of the greater good.

on forgiveness

    
Adam is really good at letting things go.
he gets upset, accepts my apology, then moves on with life.

i, on the other hand, have a hard time letting things go.
if i’m mad, i want to be mad.
and when Adam apologizes, i don’t want to just say, “that’s okay” and forget about it.
i want to hold on to my anger as we analyze & pick apart the problem until we have viewed it from every possible direction and have discussed all the deeper emotions & past arguments that have surfaced from arguing about not getting the dishes washed.

sounds tiring & ridiculous?
cause it is.
for both of us.

i have been trying to work on giving up my anger & show more love when faced with conflicts.
{obviously for Adam’s sake} but also for my own well-being.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
- Louis B. Smedes

it’s not that i like being angry.
in fact i feel utterly miserable when i’m angry.
so why do i insist on holding grudges?
why do i insist on torturing myself with anger?

i realized i am not allowing myself to progress when i choose not to forgive and move on.
i am not allowing my marriage to be enriched when i choose not to forgive and move on.

and in the end, who has the greater problem?
me, who remains bitter?
or my husband who has chosen the higher road?

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
- Paul Boese

forgiveness is an essential part of marriage.
holding a grudge is not.
while it’s completely normal & healthy to want to discuss problems that need to be fixed,
it should be done out of love for each other instead of anger.
that’s what forgiveness is all about, showing more love. 

"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness."
- Robert Muller

i am so grateful for a husband who teaches me to be better every day.
i am grateful for his example, his integrity, his love, and especially his patience. 
and i hope some day soon i can show him more love by learning to just let go.