small victories

I focus on my failures about 80-90% of the day.
I nitpick all the things I've done wrong that day and contemplate how many ways I'm ruining my kids.
I'm a bad mother I tell myself.
Not well-suited for this role.

Elijah has been my greatest challenge.
From the time he was an infant I have struggled with how best to rear up this precious child.
I judge my worth on how well he behaves and listens.
If he gets in trouble, it's my own fault.
My greatest challenge. And my greatest mercy.

There's a million things I don't understand about why I was chosen to be his mother.
A million things ways I know I'm screwing this up.
A millions ways I feel like I'm failing him.

There are also a million reasons why I know we were meant to be together.

At the General Women's Meeting I was contemplating my own role as mother and nurturer.
My first reaction was to feel guilty at how much I fall short.
But then almost as quickly as that thought came it was replaced even more swiftly with all the things I know I'm doing right.

Elijah knows what Family Home Evening is.
Even though he almost never sits and listens to my simple lessons, he knows that we gather together to sing songs and learn about Jesus.
He reminds us about our lesson each week, even offering to do it himself once.

Elijah looks forward to our family dinners each night.
He loves "helping" me cook and loves to ask what I'm going to make.
He knows and expects his mom to cook something {hopefully} delicious from scratch.
Though he loves "Ronald McDonald's" (as he calls it), most of the time when given the option he will choose mom's home cooking over a cheeseburger.
[Except when he remembers they give out toys. He will always pick the toy.]
If we eat leftovers or sandwiches for dinner (on the weekends) instead of making a big meal, Elijah knows immediately it's out of place and will ask when I'm going to make dinner instead.
Though tiring at times, it makes me proud that my son knows about different healthy meals and loves eating with his family at home.

Usually it's a tactic to delay bedtime, but Elijah reminds us to have family prayer if we forget.
We have also started the routine of reading his edition of the Book of Mormon before bed, one that he seems to look forward to each night.
I'm pretty sure the stories don't make a lot of sense to him, but I can see that habit and understanding forming already and it makes me happy to see him eager to hear scripture stories.

The other day Elijah hurt another baby I watch during the week.
He knows that's not something we do and he knows I get really mad about it.
After weeks of telling him to be gentle to {both!} babies, and him usually ignoring me, I could see that he actually finally showed some remorse for his actions.
Before I could even question what happened he regretfully told me what he did and how terrible he felt about it.

He apologized to me and told me he knew it was bad.
It took every ounce of me to not smile and laugh at this amazing progress he's made; to show sorrow for his bad choices and to say sorry before I even asked is a humungous step we've been working on for ages.
Something is finally sticking and I feel some weight slowly lifting after five years of feeling like I'm drowning.

I know I am still not the best mom.
I know I still have a lot of things to work on,
both in my parenting and in my self-confidence.

But I like to think that I'm pretty okay.
That I'm surviving.
We're surviving.
We're healthy and happy.
We're learning and progressing.
We have small victories amidst the greater struggles.
And in the end that's what's really going to matter

a story about pi{e}

I never feel like I'm a fun enough mom. 

I don't do crafts or bake cookies often or go on little adventures. 

I don't draw treasure maps or play pirates all day. 

I do those things sometimes. 

But it's not even once a week. 

I see posts of "fun moms" often or get caught up on Pinterest pictures and take it personally. 

I don't do those things so I guess I'm not a very good mom. 

I spiral into a sad, bitter, depressed state. 

The thought of coming up with fun ideas and special activities overwhelms me. 

So I get more depressed. 

Then I get over it, I move on, and I deal. 

Until the next holiday or cute social media post. 

Spiraling. 

Spiraling...

This year I decided I'm done with that. 

What good was it doing me?? 

None. 

And instead of using it as a motivator to be a better mom, it only made me feel bad which in turn made me take out my anxieties on Elijah. 

Or stick him in front of the TV or Wii for hours because I was just too overwhelmed. 

I mean, he was happy. 

But I wasn't. 

Spiral. 

So enough. 

This year I chose my word of the year very deliberately. 

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to change and how I was going to go about changing it. 

And the word that kept coming to mind was motivation.

If I wanted to do good, I needed to get myself motivated. 

And I needed to feed on that motivation to try harder each day to overcome my weakness and reach my goals. 

Motivation. 

I was the only one holding me back. 

I can change! 

I can be the mom I want to be! 

I just had to get off my rear and act on it. 

Push through. 

Do good. 

So I set out to make little things special, 

tried harder to get on the floor and play. 

Let Elijah wear his Power Ranger costume all day. 

Then I saw the Pi Day was coming up. 

I remember the previous year feeling bad that I didn't start some fun tradition with pie. 

And again feeling guilty that I was so lame {though I know Elijah doesn't even know what it means}.

So I was determined to make up for it this year. 

Why feel guilty and shut down? 

When I can motivate myself to do something and create happiness! 

It was a day late but I made pie: chicken pot pie and apple pie. 

I did it! 

I succeeded. 

A couple of days later it was St. Patrick's Day. 

I told myself again that I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. 

Instead of comparing, I was going to act! 

So I made a little treasure hunt for chocolate gold coins, dyed Elijah's lunch green, and made corned beef and cabbage for dinner. 

I may have still fallen short with crafts or stories, but I still did something fun. 

And I felt more proud of myself than I had felt in a long time. 

Not only did I make my son excited and happy, but I was happier because I took action. 

Motivation. 

Motivation to be better. 

President Monson said: 

In the search for our best selves, several questions will guide our thinking: Am I what I want to be? Am I closer to the Savior today than I was yesterday? Will I be closer yet tomorrow? Do I have the courage to change for the better? 

In our mortal journey, the advice of the Apostle Paul provides heavenly guidance: “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Then came the concluding charge: “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” 

They may not be big things, 

it may only be just baking a pie, 

or pretending we're pirates, 

but through these small steps I am working toward becoming a better mother. 

No guilt. 

No shame. 

No overwhelming, debilitating thoughts. 

Motivation. 

Action. 

Happiness. 

Love. 

Elijah goes to school

it's official. 

i have a kid old enough for school!

it doesn't feel real. 

didn't i just give birth to that little cheeseball?? 

now he's a big, cool preschooler! 

i was really nervous about having Elijah start preschool this year and kept wondering if i was making the right decision (since he's only 3 and doesn't really need to go). 

but right before we left for Utah & California i was feeling like Eli needed something more structured and productive during the week to keep him busy and progressing. i knew that i was feeling in a rut and having a hard time trying to keep up with a energetic and curious toddler. 

there was only so much i could plan for him to keep him entertained. 

plus anytime we tried to do our own "school" we just butted heads and got no where. 

[we are too similar and Elijah really knows how to push my buttons ;)]

so literally the day before we left i made the executive decision to just sign him up. 

although i was nervous, i was feeling really confident about him going to play with other kids and learn from another authority figure that he looked up to. 

Elijah is always better for other people so i figured this would be a win-win. 

although logically i had it all figured out, i was not at all prepared emotionally for his first day of school. i kept telling myself that this would be a great thing and i would sooooo enjoy some alone time 

[cause of the button pushing]. 

but on the way to drop him off, i couldn't help getting a little weepy. 

i kept thinking of him as a little baby who just learned how to roll over,

and to crawl, 

and to walk, 

and to talk... 

all these milestones that feel like they all just happened yesterday not in just three years. 

three short years.

how did we get here so fast?? 

once we got to his teacher's house, Elijah kept saying he wanted me to come inside and sit with him. 

"please come with me Mom??  Mom, you'll come too?"

it just broke my heart. 

i tried to stay for a little bit to get him settled but any time i got up he would cling to me for dear life. 

then of course i started crying because he was crying. 

finally i just had to let the teacher pull him away from me and hold him while i left. 

i called my sister and just cried to her and continued crying for about a half hour. 

the teacher called me a little while later to reassure me that Eli was doing great and stopped crying by the time i got to the car. and i started crying again. 

the next week Eli went to school with only a quick goodbye hug. 

so i started crying again. 

{seriously what is wrong with me???}

never thought i'd be one of those moms. but i totally am!

he really isn't a baby anymore. 

he's becoming more and more independent each day. 

it makes me burst with pride and long for time to stop all at once. 

i love seeing him grow and learn each day. 

for me, there is nothing more amazing in motherhood than seeing my baby discover the world around him and learn new things. 

but that just means that the time will come all too soon when he really doesn't need me anymore and doesn't think i'm the funnest, most hilarious person ever. 

all i can do is make the most of the time i still have with him. 

so if he really does have to grow up, i'm going to try to make as many memories as i can along the way.

but he will still always be my little baby Eli!

blessing of children

Elijah with his best friend cousin :)

"Children are the very offspring of heavenly parents and they've loaned them to you to see what we can do with them. Because if you can learn how to administer your kingdom in this life with the little ones, you get the privilege to do that forever. You actually have the privilege to rear the children of God. 

Now, can you think of a greater example of trust than that? That a couple of parents are willing to loan you some kids to practice on? And you are to treat those children as if you are God yourself. I can't think of a great example of trust in all the universe. 

Why does the Lord do it this way? [There are] 199 Christlike traits found in the scriptures. Patience, mercy, kindness, love, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, charity, going the extra mile, turning the other cheek, courageous, bold, prayerful, meek, contrite heart, humble.... 

Where do you get a chance to learn all those traits? Where do you have a chance to develop those attributes in your very souls. 

YOUR CHILDREN.

Because children will test you in what? Patience, mercy, kindness, love, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness... 

Two-year-olds test you in what? Patience, mercy, kindness, love, long-suffering.... Teenagers test you in what? Patience, mercy, kindness, love, long-suffering...

Children are given to you to exalt you..."

-Doug Brinley, Marriage Relationship Seminar [emphasis added]

*this quote really puts into perspective everything i struggle with as a mother. it gives me greater understanding and love for motherhood, especially during those days when i want to pull my hair out a little bit... i am so grateful for this opportunity i have to raise Elijah and for the countless lessons he has already taught me in his 3 years of life.every single day he teaches me how to be a better person and to love more fully and deeply. i love him with every part of me and am so happy i get to be his mom forever!

i also want to add that this quote is not to say that the only way to learn Christlike attributes or gain exaltation is through parenthood. i know that having children can be a sensitive topic and i don't mean to imply that if you don't have children then you are not as worthy or something... i know that is not the case at all! this is just a quote that gives one perspective and has helped me when i'm struggling.  

the “just a mother” lie

[my mom and i and Women’s Conference]

a couple of weekends ago i got to go to Women’s Conference with my mom.
it was the first time either of us had been and since it’s my last spring here in Utah we decided why not hit it up??
it was an absolutely amazing experience and it was exactly what i needed to hear especially after our long trip to San Diego.
and it is great to reflect on after days like today…

i had to go to the store today to replenish our milk supply for Elijah’s addiction.
usually we all go together as a family but since our milk was almost gone and i knew Eli was going to go ape crazy if he didn’t get his allotted milk in the morning i decided to go to the store alone.
which is fine. i’ve done it before. i totally got this.

wrong.
it was close to Elijah’s lunchtime & naptime so he’s already starting to get antsy.
a nice produce clerk gave him a sucker and Elijah cried cause he couldn’t open it but then cried when i offered to help him.
then he took 2 licks and threw it on the floor.
then he was trying to climb out of his seat and get out of the cart and got mad when i put him back in.
then he was screaming at me for who knows what.
then another nice clerk gave him another sucker which provoked the crying pattern again.
then as he’s eating the 2nd sucker, he tries to take another sucker from the cashiers at the front and throws the second one on the floor.
then as we are checking out i realize Adam has the card to pay with and so i have no way to pay.
so i call Adam, they say they can hold my groceries for me, and i race to the school to pick up the card.
then Elijah is screaming at me the whole way there and back because he wants milk.
i try to calm him down and make my way back to the store where Eli calms down slightly.
then i put Elijah back in the car where he continues to scream, i almost back into a car who proceeds to stare me down even though they were the ones that sped up behind me, and i make my way back to the school to pick up Adam.
all while Elijah is still screaming his head off and refusing to relax.

on about the 4th or 5th time i tried to get him to look at the blue truck or count the trees i just started to cry.
i couldn’t help but think that there was so much more to life than running errands with screaming children and revolving activities around nap times.
people do so much more with their lives and here i am, just a mom.

right after the words “just a mom” flew into my head, i immediately thought of a video i saw at women’s conference about a young mother and how she was able to overcome the “just a mom” lie.

a lot of times it does feel like you are just doing mundane tasks.
getting kids up and ready.
doing laundry.
making dinner.
going to the store.
watching Elmo.
picking up toys.
it’s not a glamorous job by any means. 

but then thinking about Women’s Conference and reading this talk made me understand my role a little better.

“Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones.”
-Elder Holland

i realized by saying “i’m just a mom” i’m diminishing the role of motherhood.
i’m making it sound like it’s not a big deal to be a mom, or that it’s easy.
two things which being a mother definitely is NOT

being a mother to Elijah means i know the best way to comfort him when he falls and hits his head.
it means i understand the way he learns best and am able to help teach him correct principles to live by.
it means i know how he likes to be put down to bed at night, how he likes to say prayers, and what the best kind of kiss is.
it means i am raising him to be a great leader, example, and friend for the next generation.

being a mother is a huge responsibility.
besides the basic needs to keep a human being alive, you also have to teach & train children to be the best person they can be.
a task not very easy with a 2-year-old.

and most importantly, being a mother is doing God’s work. 
being a mother is an eternal partnership with Heavenly Father where we are given the opportunity to raise His spirit children to be disciples of Christ.

“We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God”
-Elder Holland

motherhood doesn’t define me.
i am not just a mom.
i am Megan.
i am a Family Life major.
i am a blogger.
i am a friend
i am a daughter, a sister, a wife.
i am a mother. 
and i am a daughter of God.

 

{and seriously. you need to read this talk, LDS or not. it is beyond amazing and has provided me with so much hope. there’s too many good quotes that i can’t share them all.}

San Diego Zoo

 

on our last day in San Diego, we were able to go out with a bang all because of my good friend Ginny!
like mentioned before, the trip wasn’t really turning out quite well and things kept falling through.
the night before, Elijah hadn’t slept at all and so me and Adam were both exhausted and on edge.
Adam had to give a big presentation and present his research poster so he was going to be gone for most of the day and i had no idea what to do with the Elijah-man.

i felt saved when i found out one of my good friends from high school lived and worked in downtown San Diego and we could meet up for lunch {after 6 years!}.
but then Elijah turned out to be an absolute terror and we didn’t get to eat at all…
so even the one thing i was looking forward to didn’t work out. 

then Ginny mentioned to me that she had a San Diego Zoo membership and she can get a friend in for free if we wanted to go.
whhhaaaaa???
MIRACLE!!
of course we would love to go! 

so Ginny, being the saint that she is, took an extra long lunch break to take us back to our hotel so we could get our zoo supplies and then drop us off.

and seriously, even with all the walking around for 5-6 hours, it was definitely the crowning jewel of our trip!

we had never taken Elijah to a zoo [at least now that he’s more aware of the world] and he LOVED it!!
he absolutely loves animals & was so fascinated by all of them.
so much so that he didn’t understand why i wouldn’t let him go over the fence to play with them.
he was pretty upset when he couldn’t go pet the tigers or run around with the elephants
{his two favorite}
how do you explain to a 2-year-old that they would maul and kill him if i let him climb the fence?

but once we moved past that and he was distracted by something else it was a pretty enjoyable trip,
just the two of us!


 

i cannot thank Ginny enough for all her help, love, & kindness!!
just remembering the experience brings tears of gratitude and love for her.

i’m so SO grateful for good friends who see a need and step up to help, even when it means making their own sacrifices [like staying late at work so she can use her lunch break to take me and my son to the zoo].
to me, that is not just a simple thing and it completely changed our trip around.
i will always remember this experience and Ginny’s loving friendship even after not seeing each other for 6 years.
i hope i can someday be as good of friend to others and she is to me!

thank you thank you, Ginny!

exquisite moments

[365 Gathered Thoughts box from LoveFeast Table]

Life is not a dress rehearsal.
Everyday, you should have at least one exquisite moment.
-Sally Karioth

when Tahnie emailed this quote i knew instantly it was specifically chosen just for me.
something i’ve struggled with quite a bit lately is living in the present.
i frequently find myself saying,
“when we move then i’ll…”
“when we have more money then we can…”
“i will be more at peace when this happen…”
“i can finally be happy when…”

i seem to forget often that my life starts now
not years down the road when we’re finished with school or settle into a new town or have a house of our own {with a backyard!} or are able to afford family vacations or whatever!
those things aren’t what constitutes worthwhile living.
we can still have exquisite moments regardless of our circumstances. 

this year, one of my resolutions was to find happiness in the simple things and to learn how to be truly happy with my life.
i compare too often. i tell myself i’m not good enough because i don’t have XYZ like so and so have.
so i have tried really hard to find JOY in the everyday.

obviously some days are going to be easier than others to find positive moments
{like when Eli doesn’t go to bed till 5:30AM!!!!}
but i know it’s still possible.

simple things like Elijah is being especially cuddly that day
or he learned a new word {gotcha!!}
or i bought a new, amazing smelling candle
or i received a really kind email from a friend/reader
or i put out some new spring decorations
or our apartment actually stayed clean by the end of the day
or there is a Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family
or me and Elijah had a killer dance party to Party Rock.

these are little things that made me happy just from this last weekend!

life is hard. there is no denying that.
there are days where i feel utterly, emotionally & physically exhausted.
there are days where i feel completely alone & inadequate.
but even in the worst of times, there are always blessings to count & be thankful for.

make each day count
and fill your life with exquisite moments to last you through the trials that may come your way.
your life begins now!

{and i wanted to give a huge shout out to those who helped me out on Facebook! thank you for inspiring me!!}

[linking up with LoveFeast Table & A Happy Girl]

to love and to cherish

February 7th to 14th is National Marriage Week. to celebrate, some of my favorite blog friends and I will be sharing some of our thoughts and stories about marriage to help encourage strengthening your relationship. I hope these posts will help you to nurture your own relationship and rekindle the love you have for one another.

 

this is another favorite post i originally wrote for the Stronger Marriage Blog.

On the anniversary of 9/11, my husband and I were mad at each other. Like, pretty contentious mad. Feelings were hurt, we were annoyed with each other, and there was just a huge problem with communication the whole day. And to make the situation worse, he was leaving to go out of town for an interview the next day.

I am not proud of this day.

At one point, after we both kind of snapped, I laid in bed reading and looking at websites on my phone because I couldn’t sleep. I knew I should apologize, I knew I was being petty, I knew a lot the argument was my fault, but I have a really big problem with pride and I really hate caving in.
While I was perusing Facebook and different blogs, I started reading all the different posts people wrote about remembering 9/11 and honoring those who died. I then remember reading one blog post in particular saying that the biggest lesson they learned from the 9/11 attacks was to hold your loved ones close and to cherish them.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. I felt so guilty! I realized what a huge jerk I was being and that I really wasn’t cherishing my husband at all! I immediately got up, swallowed my pride, and went to my husband to ask for forgiveness.

At that point, it didn’t matter whose fault it was or who was meaner to whom. What mattered is that we loved each other & cared for each other but just lost sight of what we have for a second. I knew I needed to show my husband how much I cared and how much I truly loved him.

Jason Carroll and Elizabeth VanDerBerghe taught, “Love is something we do, something we can control, and ultimately something we can choose.”

So my question to you is this: How often do we all lose sight of what really matters? How often do we all forget to truly cherish our loved ones in our every day actions through life? How often do we say I love you? Or give hugs? Or give kisses?

I know I have a lot to work on! I’m definitely not perfect. But I know that if I try hard to keep that long-term perspective of what life, marriage, and family is all about, I will be able to more fully cherish and love those close to me.

 

What are some ways you try to keep your loved ones close and cherish them often?

Eli’s first basketball game [that he sat through]

   

as you can tell by the variety in Elijah’s facial expressions, it was a very exciting game!

and contrary to his last face, BYU actually lost.
but Eli still had fun!
{even if daddy wasn’t happy with the outcome}

we sat up by some other families and Elijah loved seeing all the other kids!
there was this boy that was sitting behind us who was about 8-10 years old and Eli was mildly obsessed with him.
every time the kid cheered or yelled or clapped, Eli would copy him.
the pictures where Elijah has his hands over his mouth is because the other kid would cup his hands to yell something and Elijah was trying to imitate him.
and then he thought it was hilarious so he’d start laughing hysterically.

the other boy was a really good sport and was really nice to this random baby that would get up in his face.
{he was the oldest of 4}
afterwards, i thanked him and his parents for being so nice to Elijah.

i was actually really impressed with it all.
here’s this kid who is at that age where he’s starting to get too cool for being around little kids [especially having other little siblings] and yet he is playing with Elijah and being really nice even if he is mildly annoyed. 

i hope that i can raise Elijah well enough that he will be kind to other children no matter how cool he thinks he is.
and that i can teach him to love others no matter how young they are or what they look like or what they act like.
and if i can teach him that, i would think that i did a pretty good job fulfilling my role as a mother

[but right now we have quite a bit to work on… like not pulling little babies’ hair]

our Christmas so far {instagram style}

{gingerbread house and puzzle making with Camilla}


{me and Holli sang “What Child Is This?” for the family}

{my mother-in-law’s tree should be in a magazine. freal}
 
{Elijah opening up his new bike}

we’ve had a really great Christmas break so far
i don’t want to get back to real life…
{thankfully we don’t have to quite yet and we have another week here hanging out in California}

this Christmas i feel a lot more emotional than i have in the past.
maybe it’s because i’ve been a lot more pensive and reflective this year, thinking about the Savior and His life
maybe it’s because after the long year, such love and happiness was a welcome relief
whatever has made these feelings stay close to the surface, i know that i have really felt my Savior’s love and comfort the last few weeks.

my sister-in-law gave me this beautiful picture of the Mesa, Arizona temple {where we were married} and right when i pulled the paper back i started crying.
it seems silly and maybe to others it seems like a pretty superficial reason to get emotional {over a beautiful gift}
but right when i saw that painting it was like a huge beacon of hope to me
like i was cared for and loved beyond all measure
i can’t really explain it.

i’m so grateful for the Christmas season where we can be with family and remember what is really important in our lives
each other.

i hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas with their loved ones!!
wishing you all
PEACE ON EARTH & GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN

go forward with faith

    

a few months ago, Adam and i graduated from Brigham Young University.
Adam graduated in Physiology & Developmental Biology. & i graduated in Family Life with an emphasis in Human Development.

i look back on the last year and constantly think to myself,
“how in the heck did we accomplish that!?”

when we found out we were going to have a baby, one of my biggest fears was that i wouldn’t finish school.
i knew Elijah would be born right before our last year so it seemed foolish to give up after so many years of hard work, but it also seemed impossible to somehow get both of us to finish while taking care of a little human being.

but somehow we did it.
quite miraculously we did it.

we were able to balance our schedules enough so that there was always one of us home with Elijah.
since i was nursing him, i was able to fix my schedule so that i was only gone 2 hours at a time.
the perfect window of time between his feedings.
a window of time i didn’t know would be perfect when i first arranged my schedule.
but it was.

a week after Elijah was born, i signed up to take a class so that i didn’t have to go full time in the fall or winter.
everyone told me it was crazy.
if i went back in time, i would tell myself it was crazy too.
but through all the sleepless nights, i finished the class with high marks.
blessing. 

then, i needed a capstone class and was planning to sign up for one this last summer, extending my graduation.
but money was tight, my patience & energy was running thin, and i didn’t think i would make it.
and all the internships available at the time took me away from my baby & didn’t feel right to me.
then the opportunity to work with StrongerMarriage.org literally popped up in my inbox.
when i was interviewed they said i was their first choice and offered me to position, promising i could work from home for only 10 hours a week, fulfilling my capstone, and letting me graduate on time.
grateful.

i can’t take credit for anything that happened. or how everything fell into place perfectly.
i know the Lord did it all for me.

but i do want to offer some words of encouragement.
if you are in a position where you don’t think you can accomplish your goal anymore, just take one more step,
try one more time,
keep going.
because you will find the strength you didn’t know you had.
and the Lord will provide!

and then you will look back with a sense of pride and accomplishment for what you were able to do.
and you will believe in yourself more than you did before.
and you will know you can get through it
because you already did it once
because He has always been there.

trust
and go forward with faith.